11/01/2026
Anyone living like this? ;-)
Our father has been missing for approximately 45 minutes, and quite frankly, our mother doesn’t seem particularly concerned.
Before anyone contacts the authorities, we’d like to assure you that he’s perfectly safe.
Well, relatively speaking.
He’s somewhere in this photograph.
We last saw him attempting to get comfortable in bed, which was his first mistake.
His second mistake was assuming there would be room for him.
There are five dogs in this household, and for reasons nobody has been able to explain, our parents continue to believe they are entitled to a reasonable amount of mattress space.
The audacity.
Our mother hasn’t even come upstairs yet.
Unfortunately for her, we’ve already reached maximum occupancy.
Now, we understand that some people may find these sleeping arrangements unreasonable.
We would like to remind those people that our parents are grown adults who have willingly allowed this situation to continue for years.
At some point, personal responsibility needs to enter the conversation.
Every night, our mother comes upstairs and acts surprised to find us in bed.
EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
She’ll stand there for a moment, surveying the situation like a woman who has just discovered squatters in her vacation home.
Then the negotiations begin.
“Can somebody move?”
“Where am I supposed to sleep?”
“Seriously, guys?”
We don’t know, Ma’am. Have you considered the couch?
She’ll then attempt to squeeze herself into whatever space remains, which inevitably disturbs several sleeping dogs.
And somehow, WE’RE the inconsiderate ones.
Our father, meanwhile, has accepted his circumstances.
He understands that when five dogs are comfortable, you don’t start asking questions.
You find an available body part to rest your head against and hope nobody has gas.
Our mother insists we have our own beds.
This is true.
We also have a perfectly good couch, several rugs, and approximately 3,000 square feet of other places to sleep.
But so do they.
We’re not sure why this is exclusively our problem.
And don’t even get us started on the middle-of-the-night complaints.
Apparently, stretching is now considered rude.
Snoring is disruptive.
And licking your own foot at 2:37 AM is grounds for eviction.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to live under these conditions.
By morning, our parents will complain about how little sleep they got.
They’ll drink their coffee, discuss purchasing a larger bed, and promise that tonight things will be different.
Then, approximately 12 hours later, they’ll climb right back into bed with us.
We genuinely don’t know how these people function without supervision.
Anyway, if anyone happens to locate our father in the attached photograph, please let our mother know.
She’s expected upstairs shortly, and we’d prefer not to be disturbed during the search.
Sincerely,
Five dogs who have absolutely no intention of moving
