08/12/2026
So who really is the greatest River City floorball team of all time?
Terrific question, because we finally have enough numbers to stop answering it like guys arguing beside a cooler.
From Fall 2023 through Summer 2026, Eskimo Bros are the statistical monster: 64 wins in 79 games, an .810 winning percentage, 533 goals, and a completely unreasonable +330 goal differential.
Their Fall 2025 team went 7-0, scored 63, allowed 13, finished +50, and then won the championship, which is independently preserved in the season canon because apparently we’re historians now.
But Clutch Pucks own the counterargument: 3 championships, tied with Eskimo for the most in the recorded era, despite Eskimo beating them senseless across basically every cumulative regular-season metric.
And then there’s this masterpiece: Eskimo went 21-0 across 3 consecutive regular seasons from Summer 2024 through Winter 2025, outscored everybody 160-38… and won exactly 1 of those 3 championships. River City Floorball has apparently discovered the Presidents’ Trophy problem.
Meanwhile, Semi-Pro quietly owns a +195 career goal differential, Flamingos have 60 wins and 2 titles, and there are several other statistical crimes against recreational athletics buried in this archive.
So who’s actually #1: Eskimo, Clutch, or somebody else? Want more of this? You wouldn’t be reading if you didn’t. Because unfortunately, I have the data now and I’m stuck with this
Unfortunately yours,
F.B.D.