08/22/2026
Boundaries can be hard to understand, so I like to teach them by thinking about our lives as our own yards. 🏡🌷
Your yard contains your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors, and your choices. Those are yours to care for.
But sometimes we spend so much time in everyone else’s yard—mowing their lawn, pulling their weeds, watering their flowers, trying to keep them happy—that we completely neglect our own.
And then we wonder why we’re exhausted, resentful, anxious, or overwhelmed.
One of the most important boundary questions we can learn to ask is:
“Did I actually do something wrong, or is someone simply unhappy with a choice I made?”
Someone being angry, disappointed, sad, or uncomfortable with your boundary does not automatically mean you did something wrong.
If your behavior was hurtful, dishonest, disrespectful, or outside of your values, own it, apologize, repair it, and do better.
But if you check the facts and your behavior was appropriate, the guilt you are experiencing may be misplaced guilt—you may be taking responsibility for someone else’s emotional response.
You can care deeply about someone’s feelings without making yourself responsible for them.
Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re fences with gates.
The gate lets the good in and helps keep harmful things out.
The fence simply shows us where I end and you begin.
Take care of your yard.
Respect your neighbor’s yard.
And give yourself a peaceful place to call your own.
