Jonathan's Joys

Christmas morning 2006 was the best Christmas that I have had in my life. I woke up and took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. Although the sickness and not being able to eat and drink anything would soon kick in and take over my life over the next couple of months, I was the happiest girl you would ever find! I was 20 years old, and ended up in the hospital at 6 weeks to find out I had cysts on my right o***y, and I was assigned to a high risk doctor. Although the first few months I was a high risk patient, I was still overjoyed with everything that was going on minus the fact that I was put on bed rest until further notice from my doctor. Any normal 20 year old would be planning their big 21st birthday; I was preparing to go in to find out if I was having a boy or girl. Yes, I decided to go in on my 21st birthday to find out the s*x of my child and the best thing was I was going to have a son. I had been having dreams I was going to have a boy and a couple mornings before my appointment my grandma called me and told me that my cousin had a dream I was having a boy and she told her to tell me that I was definitely having a boy! Over the next two months I was looking forward to my mom coming down for Memorial Day weekend because that was when my mom was having my baby shower! My baby shower was a blessing, and I got a lot of things that I enjoyed getting to look through and play with and set up for my lil man. And amazingly I was able to do it all in time for his arrival! I was released to start working again the middle of June, so I found a job that was not going to be over stressful for me or Jonathan. I walked to work every day, and walked home most nights. There would be times I would catch the bus home, but for the most part I would walk because I enjoyed it! I ensured my boss that I would do whatever I could to work until I had to take my time off! Well it worked out that way; they were really worried that I would end up in labor before the 30th of July while one of the stores managers was out and having one of our employees go work at that store, but I pulled through. My doctor requested that I wait until I was 37 weeks to try to have him so I did. I was scheduled to work up until Sunday the 5th and have Monday the 6th and Tuesday the 7th off and returned on Wednesday the 8th. Yeah, sorry it did not work that way. Sunday the 5th of August 2007 I was cleaning the store top to bottom, scrubbing the shelves, floor, reorganizing the cooler, everything you can think of I was doing it. Jonathan’s father’s boss came in the store and saw me and started talking to me asking what I was doing and I told her I was cleaning the store, top to bottom. She replied to me, “No, you are getting ready to have that baby!” I got off work at 11 that night and walked home. I woke up at 8 the next morning and we headed out to pay bills and get some baby diapers and wipes so we had them ready, and then we just started driving around and site seeing. Needless to say we ended up with a flat tire on a day that no one would want to face it. We managed to get the car to a place that would change the tire to the spare we had for a few dollars, and on our way home we stopped by taco bell. I got a lot of mild sauce to go with my tacos and for some reason I added about 5 packs to each soft taco. At about 11:45 p.m. on August 6th I was taken to the hospital and eventually admitted to L&D because I was in Labor. It was about 12:30 a.m. when I signed all paperwork, and off to my room I went. I made the phone call about 5:30 a.m. letting my boss know I was in labor and all I remember was him joking with me saying he had a feeling it was me calling and he almost did not answer. He said he was happy for us and he hopes to see baby soon! He also joked around about me not being able to come into work on Wednesday, but he knew this day was coming and I was looking forward to it. My words to him were Boss; I will see you in 4-6 weeks! Jonathan Alexander Tillman was born into this world at 8:20 a.m. on August 7, 2007 weighing in at 6lbs 2oz, measuring 19 ¾ inches long! Mind you this was after 3 maybe 4 pushes, and Jonathan was such a healthy baby boy scoring as high as he could on the 1 minute and 5 minute tests! Jonathan finally got to meet his Nana and Papa on Labor Day weekend. We did not know this would be the only time he would get to see them. A couple weeks after this visit, he started throwing up forcefully after each and every feeding. I rushed him to the ER at Arnold Palmer Children’s Hospital where I sat with him all night long only to be told first thing in the morning that he would be taken into surgery because he had Pyloric Stenosis. This is where the muscles around tubes that go from the stomach into the intestines contract to the point that they stay contracted blocking the flow, so all his formula was curdling in his stomach which in turn made him sick to the point he would throw up. After surgery Jonathan was doing great. October 8th he was given a clean bill of health, got his first set of shots, and we were on our way home. We headed to my grandmothers, Jonathan’s great grandmother to visit and spend the night so he could meet my cousin and her children. This was a great meeting and I enjoyed it more than words could say because my cousin is 23 days older than me and yet she is like the sister that I never had! I did not know in any way that I only had about 3 weeks left with my lil man. On the day of October 26th I woke up and Jonathan, I, and his father headed to the store to get diapers wipes and the normal baby things we got each week. Of course I bought other things for him as always but that was normal. I went to work, and when I got off I went home and hung out with Jonathan, fed him and then we watched some little Einstein’s. We went to bed about 2:30 a.m and when I woke up around 8:30 am Jonathan was unresponsive. All I really remember is screaming for someone to call 911 and starting C.P.R. Everyone was running out of the house flagging down cars in the middle of the street, trying to catch a passing police officer. Eventually they did and she came rushing into the house to help me out. I was hysterical and I was not sure I was doing anything right. She immediately took Jonathan from me and continued doing C.P.R. until the EMT’s showed up. I was on the phone with the 911 operator yelling at her because she was telling me to do this do that and she did not realize I told her that there was a police officer that had taken him from me. I hung up the phone with her and the EMT’s did not wait for an ambulance, they put him on a back board and rushed him to the ER at Arnold Palmer Children’s Hospital. The EMT Supervisor drove me down to the hospital where I was brought into a room that my grandmother and Aunt Faye were sitting. There were two police officers one by the door, one at the back of the room. I was not allowed to go in the room with him, I was no allowed to go out to smoke, I was not allowed to see Jonathan’s father (my boyfriend at that time), I just had to sit there and wait for whatever to happen so I prayed as hard as I could. What seemed like days later the ER Doctor came into the room sat down beside me and broke the worst news ever to me; “Ms. O’Neal, I am sorry to tell you that your son has passed away. We have done all that we could do to try and save him and yet there was nothing that we could do. I want you to know that each and every EMT that came in with him stayed right by his side the entire time. Not one of them left his side. “ I immediately broke down. I am not sure when I have ever felt that much pain EVER. My cousin Valerie (Jonathan’s Godmother) and my Aunt Donna came at some point in time. I am not sure when they came, but I remember them being there when this news was told to me. My grandma called my mom to let her know what the doctor had just told me and I could hear her over the phone freaking out, specifically I remember her saying “OH MY GOD!” I was brought into the room with Jonathan to see him once more and say my goodbyes, but I was not allowed to touch him because all the tubes and cords hooked to him were now considered “Evidence.” I was being investigated for foul play or something and I was being treated like a criminal. I was given a fold of bereavement papers and I was sent on my way. I would them have to go home and reenact how I found Jonathan, in the same exact room that hours before I found him. I was in a cloud of shock and I went to my grandmothers. I could not stay home in the same room my son died. I could not eat, couldn’t drink, and couldn’t do anything. I just wanted God to kill me right then and there. Mom got in shortly after midnight I believe, and she had to force me to eat something small. I just wanted my lil man back and that is all I could think of! Jonathan’s autopsy came back that his cause of death was UNKNOWN: Signs of SIDS other than co-sleeping. My sweet Jonathan was cremated and was “laid to rest” on November 3, 2007. I wish I would have taken pictures, but I am seriously glad that the funeral home director closed the room after the services and allowed me and his father some private time to say good bye and hold him one last time. He was and always will be my lil man, and I will forever remember him and his short life for as long as I live.

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