09/30/2026
The Magic of Calming Presence and Nervous System Regulation (Imagine this skill applied widely in our world) Thanks, Ted Lasso!!
Watch the short clip here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTnO-htU_F8
As Ted Lasso nears the end of its fourth season, it delivers one of the simplest, yet most memorable scenes of the entire show.
In the episode, assistant coach of AFC Richmondβs Lady Greyhounds, Alice (brilliantly played by Tanya Reynolds), is overcome with emotion during practice. For context: Gemma, a key player for the Lady Greyhounds, with whom Alice shares a bit of complicated history, injures her knee and is taken out of commission. And when Alice, who had to give up her sports career due to injury, finds out Gemma doesnβt plan on returning to the team once her knee is healed, it all becomes a little too much.
Alice tries to put on a brave face to remain professional, but eventually excuses herself. The ever-observant and empathetic Lasso c***s this, then finds Alice crying in their shared office. The assistant apologizes profusely and tries to assure Lasso that sheβs βfine,β though she clearly is not.
And then, something magical happens. Rather than trying to console, comfort, fix, or distract, Lasso merely stays silent and present with Alice until the sadness passes. Itβs a beautifully written moment, beautifully performed by both actors.
This act is known as co-regulation, which happens when someone is able to soothe another person in distress simply by being calm.
βWeβre wired to pick up on each otherβs emotional state,β explains Elizabeth Bodett Dresser, LCPC. βWhich is why being around an anxious person can make you anxious, and being around a steady person can help you breathe a little easier. Babies learn to calm down this way, but we never outgrow needing it. When someone is overwhelmed, a steady presence gives them something to lean against while the wave passes.β
And thatβs exactly what we see in this scene. All Lasso does is breathe deeply as Aliceβs anguish moves through her. And, interestingly, thatβs all thatβs needed for it to pass through.
However, just because co-regulation is an integral part of our human program, itβs not exactly easy for many of us to not get reactive when our loved ones show signs of distress.
βWhen someone we care about is upset, thereβs a part of us that gets uncomfortable and wants to rush in with advice, a silver lining, or a βdonβt cry, itβs okay.β We think weβre helping, but a lot of the time weβre really trying to soothe our own discomfort. What the person hears underneath is βyour feelings are too much for me,ββ says Dresser.
But this clip shows how incredibly powerful it is when we do allow ourselves to truly remain with someone during their darker moments. Dresser theorizes the scenes could be resonating with so many people because this type of comfort is something βso many people have never experienced that, and they can feel how much theyβve wanted it.β
