06/21/2026
Father’s Day.
I’ve gone back and forth about sharing this story, but the truth is, these are the things that need to be talked about.
My biological father was absent most of my childhood due to his own alcohol misuse. He signed over his rights to me and my stepfather raised me.
As a child, it was impossible to understand.
As an adult, I was still angry.
And in 2011, I signed over custody of my own child because of my alcohol misuse.
And then in 2018, I realized I had become the person I never wanted to be - my father.
I sustained recovery that year. And a huge part of it was a 12-step sponsor asking me if I could start with “today” to work on forgiveness for my father. The concept of throwing away all my justified anger to forgive him was baffling. But I was also so tired of being miserable, I gave it a shot.
Baby steps.
Brief conversations. Certainly no dinner dates or outings (also, I was in a halfway house in Augusta).
In May of 2019, I met my father at a gas station and he gave me $500 to help me buy a used car. It was the most he’d done for me literally in my whole life.
In August of 2019, at one year sober, my father passed away from complications of a surgery. It was only after his death I learned he was a sniper in the army and couldn’t imagine the skeletons in his closet.
Looking back on that year, It was only after finding forgiveness for him, could I find forgiveness for myself. I wish I had more time to get to know him, but I can’t get stuck on the thought.
Today I will remember the man beneath the alcohol misuse.
The best thing I ever did for myself was forgive.
Happy Father’s Day to the men who show up - and, perhaps, Happy Forgiveness Day for those who have not.