08/11/2026
Meet Duke and his human, Andy. We were wondering what Duke was thinking when he pooped in his water bucket while Andy was on vacation.....read on to find out! Enjoy!
OFFICIAL INCIDENT REPORT & URGENT LETTER TO ANDY
From: Duke, Large White Horse, Innocent Citizen
To: Andy, My Person Who Has Apparently Abandoned Me for Something Called “Vacation”
Subject: THE WATER BUCKET SITUATION
Dear Andy,
We need to discuss something before you hear about it from the women.
There has been an incident.
I pooped in my water bucket.
I WOULD LIKE TO IMMEDIATELY STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I know how this looks.
Andy leaves for vacation. Duke becomes emotionally distraught. Duke looks around his stall and thinks, “How can I express my displeasure?” Then Duke carefully positions his enormous rear end over his water bucket and sends a message.
THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED.
Probably.
I mean, I definitely pooped in the bucket. That part is unfortunately supported by evidence.
But the prosecution has absolutely NO evidence that I looked at the bucket first, calculated wind direction, adjusted my stance, and deliberately fired.
And if Linnea, Cindy, or ANY OTHER WOMAN tells you otherwise, I would like an attorney.
This was simply an unfortunate combination of geometry, timing, and a very large horse butt.
I am particularly concerned that someone will say:
“Well, isn't THAT interesting? Andy goes on vacation and suddenly Duke is pooping in his water.”
That is CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE, Andy.
I am innocent.
Also, please don't ask Theodore J. Horse to investigate. He will form a committee, hold a press conference, interview the bucket, and have me convicted by breakfast.
The truth is, I am actually very happy that you are getting a vacation. You work hard, you take care of all of us, and you deserve to go have fun, relax, and spend time with Diana away from this place.
But I miss you.
A lot.
Apparently my digestive system misses you too.
So please enjoy your vacation. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Everyone is taking good care of me.
Just come back eventually.
Because without you here, I am apparently making VERY POOR LIFE CHOICES.
Please remember me as the handsome, majestic, dignified Duke you left behind...
..and not as the horse who turned his drinking water into soup.
Love,
Duke
Your Big White Boy
Missing You Very Much
Currently Under Investigation
🚨🐴💩🪣
P.S. If anyone sends you photographic evidence, it has been altered.
P.P.S. Please bring me something from vacation.
P.P.P.S. Preferably a new water bucket. This one and I have been through enough.