10/24/2026
WHEN I TELL YOU MY CHILD IS TRANS
(written by a Mama Bear)
When I tell you my child is trans ...
Don’t try to convince me there’s a chance they might not be.
Don’t tell me that children explore and that’s “probably all this is.”
Don’t act like my kid couldn’t possibly know themselves.
When you tell me about who your kid is, I don’t ask if you are sure. I don’t ask you for proof. I don’t tell you that who they are is a phase.
When I tell you my kid is trans, don’t say it’s because we don’t play enough sports or play too many. Don’t buy my kid a baseball or a barbie to see if that “fixes it."
When I tell you my kid is trans, don’t say we should “correct them.” You see, they are correcting us with their truth. Ours was the assumption. It’s our turn to listen.
When I tell you my child is trans don’t tell me about the most recent act of transphobic violence you saw on the news. Don’t tell me my child is too masculine or feminine to “pass.” Don’t tell me the world is unkind. I already know.
When I tell you my kid is trans don’t ask who they will date someday. Gender is about who you are not about who you like. Don’t say it’s because they look up to their older sibling. Do you look up to yours?
When I share that my child is trans, don’t say being transgender has become trendy. Being trans is not a choice. Don’t say my child is SO lucky that I am their mom. I am the lucky one.
When I tell you my child’s name and pronouns don’t ask permission to use something else. Don’t tell me my kid needs to get used to people messing up. Don’t ask me what their birth name was.
Don’t tell me it’s too complicated to understand. Don’t continue to misgender them with weaponized incompetence.
If I tell you my kid is trans, don’t ask me about their future medical plans. You are not their doctor and I am not a fortune teller.
Don’t say “God doesn’t make mistakes.” If you consider other types of diversity to be beautiful, why would you consider gender diversity a mistake? Don’t say you will pray for my family.
Instead work on ensuring your family members are not harming mine. And please don’t vote for people who make the world more dangerous for my family.
When I tell you my child is trans, believe me, and more importantly, believe my child. Celebrate with me! Listen with love and make space for my pride and my fear.
When I tell you their name and pronouns, practice them, use them. If you mess up, correct yourself and move on. No one expects perfection.
Teach your kids to love my kids and I promise to do the same. Join us at Pride events and listen to the stories of those who have different lived experiences so we can learn from our mistakes together. Speak up for inclusive practices in your spheres of influence even when it’s uncomfortable or scary. Tell my kid you love them, just the way they are. Love them, just the way they are.
