08/25/2026
Ever wonder: Why do things something get WORSE when you start TREATING your ENEMIES BETTER?
I've counseled a few going through this lately.
The patterns are often similar.
Ever experience this?
Have you ever decided to obey Jesus, stop fighting back, remain calm, and treat someone who has hurt you with kindness...
only to have them get WORSE?
More texts.
More accusations.
More agitation.
More attempts to provoke you.
There may actually be a reason for that.
People sometimes develop a caricature of us in their minds.
"He's angry."
"She's unreasonable."
"He's the problem."
"She's impossible to deal with."
That caricature can become part of the justification for how they treat us.
Psychology has long recognized our tendency toward "confirmation bias"...
Meaning >> we notice and interpret information in ways that reinforce what we already believe.
Research into self-verification and identity negotiation also demonstrates how strongly human beings prefer consistency in the stories through which they understand themselves and their relationships.
So what happens when you stop playing your assigned part?
What I mean by that may look like this:
They attack... and you don't attack back.
They send the inflammatory text... and you answer graciously, or don't answer at all.
They raise their voice... and you lower yours.
They accuse... and you don't scramble to defend yourself.
They expect the old version of you...
and he doesn't show up.
Now there is a problem.
Your behavior no longer supports the caricature.
And sometimes the response is ESCALATION.
Yep. That's right.
They amp it UP.
It's almost as though the person keeps turning up the volume, trying to get the reaction that will finally prove:
"See! I told you what kind of person he is!"
Bratha or Sista, don't give it to them.
(This is where spiritual maturity becomes incredibly practical.)
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink..." Romans 12:20
And don't forget what Paul says in Ephesians 6:12:
"We do not wrestle against flesh and blood..."
That doesn't mean the other person's behavior is acceptable. It doesn't mean you shouldn't establish boundaries. And it certainly doesn't mean remaining in an unsafe situation.
🔴 It means you refuse to let someone else's flesh determine whether you walk in the Spirit. 🔴
Your enemy does not get to choose your character.
Your accuser does not get to control your emotional state.
And you don't have to become the person they've accused you of being just because they're trying desperately to summon that person out of you.
Sometimes things getting worse doesn't mean responding like Jesus isn't working.
It may mean the old pattern isn't working anymore.
Stay calm.
Stay kind.
Keep appropriate boundaries.
Trust the Lord.
Don't give them am******on.
And remember: the person in front of you may not be the only battle being fought.
You don't wrestle against flesh and blood.
