21/09/2026
Dementia Support Group established
Four women with experience of family members having dementia meet once a month at a memberâs house to support each other. Their motto is âCare, Share, and Carry On.â They want to reach out to others who are in a similar situation and would like to join them.
Three of the four were happy to discuss their situation with the RCP. The fourth was absent that day.
Marlene noticed back in the 1990s her mother was showing signs of confusion and then one day, âShe stopped her car in the middle of a roundabout so that she could look for something in the car.â The family contacted the police, and this led to the end of her motherâs driving. âIt was difficult for her, but it was the safest thing to do.â
Marleneâs parents lived in Waikanae, where Marlene also lived. In 2009, she was employed as an activities coordinator in a dementia facility and started training for Advanced Age Care, Dementia ad Diversional Therapy, qualifying in 2014.
In 2016, Marlene moved to Whanganui and her parents followed later in the year. But as Marlene says, âIt was really too late for mother, and probably compounded her confusion. They lived in a villa at KĹwhainui, but her mother was soon admitted into care, deteriorated quickly and died in 2018. Marlene meanwhile got a job working for Alzheimerâs Whanganui, retiring at the end of 2019, âbut kept myself in the loop.â
Janne and Brian have been married for 65 years, but recently she noted that Brian was becoming noticeably forgetful. On a holiday trip, he became quite panicky about whether they were on the right platform or the right train.
Brian joined Alzheimerâs Whanganui programmes for men such as bus trips and âPool & Pintâ, at the St Johns Club designed to help men mix and to foster friendships. However, Brian âescapedâ a number of times to come home where he felt secure.
Janne points out, âHis final escapade was to leave Kowhainui, where he was having respite care. Kowhainui facility is not a secure facility for dementia residents; hence he couldnât continue to stay.â
His mobility deteriorated, and caregivers came to shower him (he couldnât control the temperature of the water). Jan could still have two hours per day respite by continuing to teach at a kindergarten, which she loved.
However, one day she had to call St John Ambulance (âthe staff were absolutely commendableâ). After a stint in hospital, Brian went to Okere House, a completely secure facility where he could be almost normal. She describes the carers there as âabsolutely brilliant.â
âI did a course with Alzheimerâs â the best thing I ever did. I learn that there is a lot of letting go that a carer has to do. I also had to experience the loneliness after they go to a home.â
Sally and Les likewise have been married for a long time â 63 years. When Les developed Alzheimerâs, initially, Sally could look after him. âLooking back, there was a lot of not admitting that things were not right. Eventually everything happened in a rush. My biggest fear was what would happen to him if something happened to me.â
After Les went to a home, âthe isolation, emptiness hit me. I still reach out to him in bed and talk to him and then realise that he is not there.â
The idea of a Dementia Support Group was initiated by Marlene, who says, âThe small group happened like magic, three gatherings later and the group wants it to remain small â maximum of about eight.
Their next meeting is on Thursday, 24 September, 10am. If you want to find out more, contact Marlene on 022 650 2514 or email her at [email protected].
Photo: Janne, Sally and Marlene