07/31/2026
Shareworthy
👉 Boundary-developing individuals sometimes say, “But my mother (or father or sister or brother) is my best friend.” They often feel fortunate that in these times of family stress, their best friends are the family in which they were raised. They don’t think they need an intimate circle of friends besides their own parents and siblings.
They misunderstand the biblical function of the family. God intended the family to be an incubator in which we grow the maturity, tools, and abilities we need. Once the incubator has done its job, then it’s supposed to encourage the young adult to leave the nest and connect to the outside world (Gen. 2:24), to establish a spiritual and emotional family system on one’s own. The adult is free to do whatever God has designed for him or her.
No one can become a truly biblical adult without setting some limits, leaving home, and cleaving somewhere else. Otherwise, we never know if we have forged our own values, beliefs, and convictions—our very identity—or if we are mimicking the ideas of our family.
Can family be friends? Absolutely. But if you have never questioned, set boundaries, or experienced conflict with your family members, you may not have an adult-to-adult connection with your family. If you have no other “best friends” than your family, you need to take a close look at those relationships. You may be afraid of separating and individuating, of becoming an autonomous adult.
NOTE: Content posted here is from the books written by the Boundaries authors and is for informational purposes only; it should not be taken as professional advice. Although great care is taken to provide adequate context, all posts should be understood within the context of the substantial body of work by the authors.