Conscious Sensuality

10/07/2024

Dear Friends, I’m grateful to announce that I just transferred the title for my property at Lolia Place, Lolia Community aka Hawaii Eco Retreat. It’s been a very powerful journey over the last decade and I’m very grateful for all the wonderful people who have shown up to make it so special. For everyone that dared to dream, to reimagine life, love, community, sustainability and who showed up so authentically. The list of people who I am deeply grateful for include: Lorn Douglas, Carol Litt, Andreas Ziorjen, Darakshan, Ryan Nichols, and far too many others to list here. Ali Williams still owns Hawaii Eco Retreat and we continue to collaborate.

It has been quite an education for me. Maddening, humbling, deeply testing at times, the challenges of building a personal growth-centered residential off-grid community from the ground up has been a crucible that forced me to confront myself and my shadows and become the man I am now. It has also been a place of joy, peace, communion and opportunity for learning, growth and deep healing for myself and many others.

I’m also thrilled that the new owner is an inspiring visionary who I trust will steward the land and create a place that is also a center for growth, healing, and holistic education.

L.R. Fox, who goes by Fox, is a tech entrepreneur and dedicated to serving the needs of children. Fox’s family is from Hawaii on the Kona side. The property will become The Oasis Academy where gifted children from around the world will come to learn and live. For more details see https://next.foundation/. Feel free to reach out to them to introduce yourself or send any questions to [email protected].

I am still invested in the Lolia Place Neighborhood and am loving the growing community of families and neighbors here. I will have time now for deep meditation, travel, writing and enjoying the blessed lands of Puna and Hawaii. A hui ho!

09/21/2024

When pathologically narcissistic and manipulative people commit fraud, it is likely they have internally justified their unethical behavior not just in the financial realm.

Now it has come to light that even after non-profit incorporation in 2018, ISTA continued to play fast and loose with the truth and very likely made false statements on mandated non-profit filings with the IRS. Rich Priddis, who incorporated ISTA and got their non-profit status in 2019 and ISTA is being sued in federal bankruptcy court. The story told by ISTA is that it didn’t exist until 2019 is a lie. Way back in 2011 ISTA publicly stated that they were a federally tax-exempt 501 c 3 organization and were separate from Sedona Temple.

The filing this summer in US Bankruptcy Court in Arizona contends that ISTA funds were used for illegitimate purposes and seeks to take ISTA’s assets. Funds were distributed to Bruce Lyon’s Highden Manor (a for-profit corporation) and to Priddis himself, as well as $185,000 into cryptocurrency.

According to the court filing:

“On March 18, 2020, Priddis made a transfer of $200,000.00 from the Wells Fargo ISTA account to an entity known as Highden Manor Estate. The Companies Office of New Zealand identifies Highden Manor as a for profit limited partnership. However, the 990 filings for 503(c) corporations require definitive disclosure of whether or not the reporting entity has any interest in any foreign investment or partnership.”

A recent court filing states that ISTA committed fraud and they must prove now that they didn’t commit fraud. Further, due to its illegal actions in hiding such transfers of funds the petitioners are requesting the legal dissolution of ISTA and seizure of its assets.

According to ISTA's own accountant, in March 2020 Dez sent ISTA $153,982.33 from the Sedona Temple bank account. Then ISTA sent $46,017.67 to Highden Temple for "scholarships" along with the $153,982.33 for a total of exactly $200,000 from ISTA to Highden. Kinda curious that the money from Dez/Sedona Temple plus the "scholarship" money exactly totaled $200,000 and it was bundled together in one $200,000 transfer to Highden. People weren’t paying too much attention to such matters in the first few months of the pandemic

According to the Tax-Exempt charter of Sedona Temple, funds must be used for a public, not private benefit. I guess that's why Dez sent the money to ISTA as a "pass-through" according to the CPA for ISTA. ISTA in turn, passed the funds on to the privately-owned Highden Temple.

The court filing reads: “The actions by Priddis in connection with the acquisition of the Highden Manor partnership interest implicate tax fraud, bankruptcy fraud, wire fraud, bank fraud and self- dealing. Such conduct justifies the Involuntary Dissolution of the corporation by the Arizona Secretary of State and the distribution of the assets to the bankruptcy Trustee by the Attorney General.”

It is crucial that the court filing information be made available to those who were harmed by ISTA. In order to preserve their legal rights in civil suits against ISTA and recoup damages, those harmed may only have a limited time to seek financial redress. If ISTA is dissolved and its funds seized, there will be no funds available to compensate victims and survivors or attorneys who would represent victims and survivors.

07/28/2024

“Why are you acting like such an asshole?”

After getting distance from cults and several years of quality licensed mental healthcare, I began to trace the origin of thought and behavior in myself that was destructive of relationships with others.

In the personal growth and development culture, there is a large emphasis placed on empowerment and moving beyond the opinions of others. Particularly in the neo-tantra and s*x-positive subcultures, emphasis is often placed in encouraging people to follow their desire and ignoring the judgments of others.

Women’s liberation, Gay Liberation, Black Liberation and other liberation movements all focused on liberating the minds of people who were subjected and dominated by an oppressor class. An oppressor class that uses guilt, shame and fear to control.

To become empowered, it is crucial that individuals reclaim their inherent right to have their own thoughts and actions that are protected from the dominant culture. To gain support and protection, people cluster in subcultures where they feel safer from the dominant culture. This is healthy and normal.

Of course, sometimes pathological leaders emerge in these subcultures which become cult leaders. They convince their followers that their liberation is intrinsically tied to that of the group or cult. In this way, surrender to the cult leader is a means of trying to obtain personal liberation. Those who are not strong enough to become liberated as an individual join with the cult leader and their followers in an attempt to support their liberation and empowerment.

Thus the need for freedom, individuation and empowerment gets subsumed by the megalomaniac dictates of the cult leader. Before they know it, the cult followers have become entrapped in a system which mirrors the oppression they were trying to overcome.

Instead of doing their own inner work, reflecting on their family origin, wounding, psychological challenges and such, the focus became one of surrendering one’s mind and behavior to the dictates of the cult leader. Especially insidious, are cults that appear free and liberated such as those that preach polyamory and free s*xuality.

Outwardly seeming very free and liberated, the price paid to belong to such groups is the surrender of their conscience and independent thinking. Fear of being cast out alone into the society that damaged them in the first place, without a family or community may be enough to keep followers trapped in these cults for life. This may be why when presented with clear evidence of wrongdoing of the cult leader, followers in cognitive dissonance choose the cult and cult leader over facts.

But what of the behavior exhibited in such cults? Why do cult followers act in such harmful ways to each other? Do they subconsciously pick up and enact the type of abuse they experienced from the Cult Leader?

A sleight of hand transforming empowerment into narcissistic self-indulgence occurs without perception. Encouragement is given to “not give a f**k” and claim power by insulating oneself from negative feedback.

What happens when someone disregards all feedback from others as projection and ascribing their judgment to their psychological wounding without considering their own?

In a healthy society and in a healthy sub-culture, people have the opportunity to engage freely with each other and to share their experiences and perceptions without fear of retribution.

Due to wounding from family of origin, religion, workplace hierarchy, some people do not have an experience of a social network that is nurturing, non-hierarchical and supportive of self-reflection and personal growth.

The yearning people have for healing and growth is corralled by master manipulators who give but do not receive feedback. The manipulators in charge tell others what they need for healing, growth and freedom but do not reveal their own vulnerabilities.

I was one of those seekers who sought freedom, community and empowerment. My particular belief, biases and wounding made me a ripe mark for groups like One Taste, ISTA, Agama and others. I disparaged mainstream culture. I felt cast out as the black sheep from my family of origin. I distrusted church and organized religion. I identified with being oppressed by capitalism.

I knew what I was against but only had fuzzy ideas of what I was for. Additionally, I grew up in a family with an abusive and emotionally incestuous mother and an emotionally distant father. I yearned for community but did not have the skills for non-hierarchical relationships.

I was easy prey for those who preached freedom and empowerment but practiced selfishness and deception.

I took on the habits of a self-centered s*xuality. I bought into the ideology of following my desire and not taking on the judgments and shame of those I hurt. I defended myself and sought to turn the tables and make the others responsible for their choices while blocking their feedback.

If I had been truly empowered and relating from a stable place within myself I would have been more curious about the experience of others. I would have cared more about how to relate in ways that felt good for others.

I was so protective of my newly found freedom and empowerment that I disregarded signs from others that I was being insensitive and hurtful.

These days when I see people, usually women, selling their s*xual empowerment coaching or courses I remember a time when such marketing would have stirred a longing within me. Now I see hucksters and manipulative marketing ploys that if purchased will likely lead one even further into the abyss of narcissistic abusive relationships.

I'm extremely grateful that I quit teaching and working with clients and passing on a self-centered approach to relationships, s*xuality and self improvement that may have caused unnecessary pain in clients lives and relationships. While I believe my intentions were good and I benefitted many students and clients, my work was polluted by the influence of corrupt teachers that I took on harmful habits from. Unfortunately, I had to acknowledge that the effect was not as I intended.

Years later, I see that it is possible to be free and empowered without needlessly hurting others through insensitive actions and words. It is possible to receive feedback without dismissal and defensiveness but with curiosity.

It is possible to have non-hierarchical relationships where everyone’s perspective and journey is valued and people desiring friends and lovers are not used to boost other’s income and fulfill another’s s*xual vacancy.

The lack of a code of ethics and the lack of any type of regulatory or even feedback system within the s*x positive personal growth world is extremely dangerous to unwitting participants.

Festivals are the feeding grounds of predatory practitioners. Naive and inexperienced people are seduced by music, s*xy outfits and bodies, while superficially attractive speakers who preach a dogma of liberation are secretly seducing the unsuspecting into their “teaching” pyramids.

I give thanks to those friends, families and therapists who stayed with me as I came to my senses and purged my systems of harmful belief and practices.

07/23/2024

https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_edmondson_how_to_spot_a_cult?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2jDfKhP3pt3Lb-WuW1J6xNqzxaf4QZCOqan1YLQ6Mf-2zna1ySvrOpH-Q_aem_w_opZ37F8NM3WzfDEf50fQ&subtitle=en

Nobody joins a cult on purpose, says Sarah Edmondson, a former member of the infamous Nxivm cult and one of the three whistleblowers that led to its downfall. She explains how she got ensnared in this highly manipulative group — and then escaped it — and shares red flags to help you distinguish ...

07/20/2024

What is the difference between a Cult and a Gang?

In my experience, while both cults and gangs utilize unethical and illegal means to generate power, money and s*x for their leaders and subject their followers/victims to abuse, the core difference is that gangs have little to no ideology while cults rely on a system of beliefs to imprison the minds of their followers/victims.

Gangs suck in new members who have been abused before and are willing to subject themselves to domination in return for a sense of belonging and the promise of power for themselves.

Cults also take in those who have experienced abuse but are more likely to find recruits in those who have some altruistic motive. Cults pretend to serve a noble purpose while committing crimes and violating their followers.

In both cases, followers/victims are likely to be estranged from civil society, mainstream culture, and often are suspicious of democratic norms and seek to create a separate society.

In the case of gangs, that separate society is one of pure power, violence and retribution against enemies whose only difference is to be part of different gang.

In cults, followers likely have an idealist vision of how the world could or should be. They are likely to have more formal education and are more likely to be drawn in by the promise of a more loving, caring world.

Unfortunately, while it may be easy to see the danger of gangs who provide no useful function to society, cults convince it’s members that illegal and unethical behavior serves a higher ideal.

For those who have already been wounded and see the hypocrisy in religion, corruption in government and experienced bullying from cliques, they may long to be part of a loving family that will sooth their childhood wounding.

The painful joke is that these cults will not heal family of origin wounding but make it worse in that they replicate transactional love. Love is granted only to those who allow their own subjugation and surrender to the egotistical demands of the cult leader.

Try as they might, their unfailing love and devotion to their Cult Family will only result in their disempowerment, confusion and adoption of manipulative tactics to win transactional love.

04/22/2024

One aspect of healing from trauma is the need to speak clearly about what has transpired. If the trauma was public, then it may be useful or necessary to publicly acknowledge what has occurred.

Doing so puts one at risk of being further harmed and shamed as “playing victim.” Calling someone out for “Playing victim” is another strategy meant to silence and disempower those who have been harmed. Naturally people have empathy and care for those who have been hurt and harmed. As healthy human beings we care about others and feel their pain.

Sociopaths have difficulty or are not able to empathize. They become excellent actors, mimicking the tone of voice, the facial expressions and body languages of empathetic response. However to them it’s a game, whether they know consciously or not, that they are doing so.

Sociopaths are the ones most likely to ascribe inauthentic posturing to others as they are so familiar with and have the skills to do so. When they are called out for harming and traumatizing others they may resort to shaming others as “playing victim” thus putting themselves in the victim position and seeking to reverse the flow of empathy.

As someone who has been harmed and harmed others, I recognize the value to truth-telling, acknowledging what has occurred and what each person has experienced. Getting out of the drama triangle is not as easy as getting everyone to agree not to “play victim” or ruthlessly shaming anyone who feels harmed.

Getting out of the drama triangle means acknowledging both the victim and perpetrator in ourselves. It means apologizing when we have harmed others. It also means informing people when they have harmed us and giving them an opportunity to reconsider and apologize.

Short-circuiting the healing process by bullying and shaming victims is extremely damaging and prevents a natural healing process to occur.

Pretending to be strong and unimpacted by others harmful behavior is taking on the role of perpetrator against ourselves and continue to oppress ourselves long after the injury has occured.

Once one has done their internal and private healing work with therapists, coaches and healing professionals it may be time to publicly acknowledge what has transpired.

In my case, I noticed a significant alleviation of anxiety after speaking my truth publicly about individuals and organizations which acted unethically and harmed me. I would not be in good physical or mental health if I had stayed silence and given into the pressure not to “play victim.”

It is not a competition to prove you have been more victimized than others and are more worthy of empathy and support. It is enough to simply say, “I have been harmed. This is what happened according to my perception and memory.”

And being harmed does not absolve one of responsibility when confronted with ways in which we may have harmed others.

In my case, when I began to publicly speak out about abuses in the neo-tantra and s*x positive world, I not only began to recover from abuse I had experienced, I also began to understand and more truly empathize with those I harmed. I was no longer holding tension and attempting to insulate myself from the shame of harming others. I acknowledge acting in ways that harmed others and allow myself to feel true shame, empathy for others, and desire to become a healthier and more conscious human.

Shaming people from “playing victim” may result in an incomplete healing process which would lead to those individuals harming themselves or others.

As people seek to be empowered and to be seen as empowered, they suppress awareness of how they have been victimized. They may even seek to be powerful like they imagined their abusers to be. They can resolved to themselves that they will not be a victim. However this suppression of emotions can led them to a place where they become cold, manipulative and quite dangerous to others who are genuinely seeking to heal and empower themselves.

What do you need to feel safe enough to honestly acknowledge how you have been harmed and who has harmed you?

For those entering the neo-tantra and s*x positive world, be aware there are many people claiming to be teachers and healers who have not done their own work, who seek money, s*x and fame as a consolation for their lack of true healing and growth. They will use you to puff up their false identities. They will screw you over and shame you if you protest. They will seek to enroll you in their pyramid of predatory behavior, seducing you with the idea that you can become powerful like them, if only you would give up your victim status.

04/17/2024

Do you train facilitators? Are you interested in developing a residential program with eco-community living? Emphasis on facilitation of a wide range of personal growth modalities without manipulation or cult-like vibes. dm me for deets.

03/27/2024

Looking for a new team member who is good at marketing, sales and is trauma-informed. Compensation: private lodging, meal plan and commission. Community living experience a plus. DM me.

03/20/2024

"Energy and Ethics". In the neo-tantra world, it can seem impossible to have a conversation about nearly anything without using the word “energy.” S*xual energy. Energy between two people. Describing a feeling in reference to “strong energy.” Energy, like the word “feel” is broad and undefined enough to encapsulate nearly anything at all.

And in the world of s*xuality, power and consciousness, energy is everything. One’s personal power or mana, is an energy that must be tended to rigorously as it is what magnetizes all that one needs and wants. S*x, money, status, power all flow from having a deep store of personal energy.

How would an acknowledgment and an apology diminish one’s energy? Admitting an ethical lapse, unconscious behavior, or apologizing for prioritizing one’s own desires at the expense of another could be seen as coming from a place of strength in that one is affirming they are strong enough to admit they are wrong.

Or with insecure people who desperately attempt to puff up themselves to hide their shameful self-image, an apology is essential admitting defeat. All the air in the balloon comes whooshing out when such a person says they apologize for their behavior.

This is because their energy is not built upon true self-love and ethical relationships which serve the greater good, but unethical relationships that exist solely to prop us the pride-based identifications of the narcissistic sociopath. The sociopath does not seek a world of freedom, respect and mutuality so much as a world of subjugation and surrender. They can only feel good about themselves in comparison to another. Another whom they dominate.

What is Domination and what is Leadership? Domination is rooted in unethical behavior that allows for abuse of power while leadership acknowledges our commonality and seeks to support others with a willingness to adhere to ethical standards.

Insecure and unaware people are drawn to autocrats and dictators as they feel more powerful by aligning with someone who seemingly possesses what they do not: power.

However, this is just the illusion of power. The dictator rules by fear and by amassing power by creating the illusion that they have enormous personal power. In fact, their power is based on the exploitation of others who trade their power for certainty and security.

Surrender is the dictum of the tyrant. A man who does not lead through humility and by attempting to create more fairness and justice, but by coercive control, psychological manipulation and if necessary by violence.

In spiritual terms, surrender must happen for redemption to be possible. But in surrendering to another mortal, we endanger our soul. Rather than surrendering to a higher power that is ultimately unknowable, weak people surrender to someone who is skilled at manipulation.

The development of Christianity was a clear challenge to the mindset of the Roman Empire that might makes right. Instead, Jesus demonstrated that power flows not from domination but from ethical behavior because all people are inherently deserving of love and respect.

The abuses of power within institutional Christianity reflect not on Jesus’s failings, but the difficulty of overcoming limited, selfish thinking arising from trauma. To contemporary people who dismiss ethics along with morality based on superstitious and patriarchal thinking, be careful of what may arise without concern for ethics.

Without a striving for ethical behavior, humanity is unmoored and adrift on a sea of desires which ultimately lead to confusion and chaos. In our attempt to free ourselves from rigid morality which was used to exploit and subjugate people, we have lost our compass.

If we do not affirm the value of ethical behavior and the value of each person and their life, we risk allowing those without any care for others to become our masters. In their quest for freedom, power and pleasure, people will compromise themselves by aligning with those who care not about their fates but only care for how those people will serve their petty egos.

One mark of a good leader is their ability to follow without animosity or jealousy. A good follower is grateful for others who are willing to lead, secure in the knowledge that the leader is serving the followers and can be removed at any time if they become lost or confused in their own ego dramas.

Birds flying in formation rotate in and out of leadership to give rest to those who temporarily lead the formation. Static roles create disease and disharmony. Every child growing up should have the opportunity to practice leading and practice following. When it’s time for the leader to step back, reflect, heal and grow, may we gently but firmly lead them to a place where they can be nurtured and healed from the challenges without needing to topple them violently from the pedestal in the public square.

Without supporting the value of ethical behavior but instead elevating power above all, we diminish ourselves as human beings and become merely robots designed to enhance the pleasure of the master.

Ethics is not the same as morality. Moral codes are based on religious beliefs which are centered around pleasing an invisible all-powerful God. Ethics center people without regard to any religion or belief other than all people have value and must be treated with care and respect. People are not to be used, objectified and dominated but are to be valued in and of themselves without regard to any other purpose. Free people get to create their own meaning and purpose.

Securing freedom and safety that supports each individual's unique journey is a worthwhile pursuit. While not as shiny as some political or lifestyle campaigns, dedication to creating a place of freedom and safety is a noble calling. Non-dogmatic thinking, self-reflection, mutual humble sharing supports everyone to be a leader in their own life and to inspire others to take responsibility and accountability for their words and their actions.

03/05/2024

Where do cult leaders come from?

Where do cult leaders come from? How do mentally ill people assemble a community of true believers who surrender authority to the leader in spite of clear evidence of unethical behavior, abuse of power and mental illness?

What are the psychological traits of a leader abuser and of the follower victims? How do these psychological imbalances interact to create a dangerous cult?

At core level, a cult begins to form around an individual who believes themselves to be uniquely endowed with superior knowledge and or spiritual power. This individual usually ranks high in intelligence on an objective scale but low on empathy, low on integrating other points of view and extremely low on collaboration. The characteristics of Inspiration and manipulation are merely two sides of the same coin. The great inspirational leader has an equally great capacity to manipulate and lead their followers astray.

As the cult begins to form, anyone who challenges the leader is pushed out. The main organizing principle is fidelity to the leader and their ideas. This selects for people who do not think clearly but above all seek to belong to a group. There is a clear distinction between the leader and the followers: The followers seek belonging at expense of everything else, while the leader seeks subservience and surrender of their followers to themself.

The ideas, concepts and beliefs will change over time, even completely contradictory ones yet this serves a purpose as well. It weeds out clear thinking people who recognize contradiction, illogical thinking and unethical behavior. This actually serves the leader whose main mission at first is to eliminate their competition. It’s not so much that the leader seeks affirmation of their ideas and actions but complete surrender to them as a leader.

This process results in loyal, obsequiousness and even violent allegiance being rewarded with status, privileges and power bestowed upon the most devoted followers. Of course, it tends over time to result in followers with less and less critical thinking skills and lower moral compasses. The cult leader engineers conflicts between followers to breed their capacity for predatory behavior, which is praised as empowerment and dedication.

Setting up tests or rites of passage that traumatize followers and reward their surrender with a false sense of community. A cult is not a true community of individuals which are drawn together by personal affection and alignment with a set of values or principles. Because the values and principles are fuzzy and changeable, no real community exists. The fundamental insecurity of each follower binds them to the cult leader and not each other. Over time, people with less and less autonomy and critical thinking rise to the top and enforce loyalty to the master.

Ritual slaughter of animals, ritual s*xual acts, removal of those who challenge authority with clear ethical stances, all these have the effect of chilling any challenge to the authority of the cult leader. Within a cult, no true feedback loop exists which ultimately condemns the cult to it’s eventual destruction.

When presented with clear evidence of wrongdoing by the cult leader and their core enforcers, followers have a choice: Surrender their minds and souls to the cult leader that they presume has more knowledge and spiritual power than themselves and continue to reside in the fuzzy warmth of false community, or call out the wrongdoing of the cult leader and experience banishment and the chill of solitude.

The cult leader creates the illusion of love, acceptance and family within their toxic mimic of intimacy. Without honesty, no real intimacy can exist. Those whose developmental trauma makes them vulnerable to the words, sounds and images of family and community are deluded into following a leader who has no capacity for true love and empathy. The cult leader is fundamentally incapable of love and empathy as their main allegiance is to themselves, their fragile ego and delusions of grandeur. The cult leader pretends to care about their followers but invests only in using their followers to prop up their hollow sense of self.

Over time, the stupid and insensitive actions of the leader and their core group become more and more obvious which has the effect of creating a death spiral in that the manipulations of the leader and core group become more and more obvious to outsiders and they become less effective at recruiting new victims into their funnels and pyramid schemes. Once the group enrollment begins to slow or even shrink, the loss of new victims creates conflict within the group which has depended on new recruits for money, s*xual stimulation and distraction from the failings of the leader. In-fighting results in even more stupid and even violent behavior as the cult leader and followers seek to maintain their status within the cult.