06/04/2026
There is something deeply psychoanalytic about the statement that we and our partner(s) marry each other’s childhoods. Why?
Because analysis believes that our prior experiences are not just in the past—they continue to impact us in the present via our unconscious patterns. In particular, the patterns of relating to ourselves and others that we learn in childhood stick with us throughout our lives, presenting themselves again and again in new situations and relationships.
That is, until we bring conscious awareness to them and use this awareness to develop new patterns. When it comes to relational patterns, however, we can’t develop new ones on our own—that must happen within relationships.
Within psychoanalytically-oriented couples therapy, partners have they opportunity to work together to shift their unconscious patterns. With the therapist’s assistance, they can gain awareness not only of their own patterns, but also of each other’s. Using this awareness, partners can collaboratively create new patterns of relating that better serve themselves and their relationship.
If you and your partner(s) are interested to get better acquainted with each other’s childhoods, consider contacting WILA about starting couples therapy! You can find contact info and more at our link in bio.
PS: offers many other great insights in her full video!