Afterschool Village

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You say, “No” to something and your child (of any age) has a meltdown… sound familiar? Yes, of course ❤️

✅ Here’s one tip: Don’t rely on your “because” to try and calm your child… and actually, in many instances you can get rid of your “because” altogether.

Here’s what I mean:

➡️ Our children get upset and we often feel the impulse to respond with OUR reasoning, logic and explanations: “I said no because you already had too much… because it’s too cold now… because it’s not healthy… because you didn’t listen to me… because we’re running late… because, because, because.”

✅ Of course you can explain your reasoning to your child. Much of your reasoning is likely correct. ✨ The idea here, is to not rely ONLY on your reasoning and logic to try and convince your child to not feel their emotions✨

✅ Your child’s disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness - are all emotions… and you can’t reason emotions away, even with the most sound logic. To help your child manage through their emotions, you must address them head on.

✅ Say your no, trusting in your decision and then go straight to validation and emotional support.

➡️ “No we can’t. I know you really want to… I’m sorry, right now we can’t.”

➡️ “My answer is no. Hard to hear my no sometimes… I totally get that. You can feel disappointed for as long as you need. And when you’re ready, you can help yourself feel a little better. I know you’ll be ok.”

➡️ “No we can’t. If you feel upset, I understand. You can tell me how upset you are. Go ahead, I want to hear you.”

❤️ PS - I want to be clear about something. OF COURSE, you will say the word “because” to your children throughout the day. This is a word that’s ingrained in our vocabulary. Not all your “because” is wrong - not at all. The idea is to pause and reflect 🤔 if some of the “because” may be more helpful if switched to validation.

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