07/12/2024
ReBecca's Ramblings
On this day, four years ago, I lost my mom.
On this day, four years ago, I lost my mom. Allen relayed the information to me, and immediately, I flew out to Florida. It was my first day out of COVID quarantine, and my head was spinning, not knowing what had happened, who she was with, and whether she had died in pain.
Distance, though only physical, left an imprint on my heart. Did my mom know how much I loved her? Really, did she? We had our problems like all mother/daughter relationships do. Still, I always made a point of letting her know I loved her before hanging up after each phone call. But are words really ever enough? Are random trinkets and greeting cards in the mail sufficient to communicate one’s love?
Today, I wonder about my own parenting and role as a mother. When I leave this world, will my daughter know how much she is loved? I doubt it. It is hard enough to express it thoroughly, and with her living on her own, it is even harder to show it. Physical touch is an integral part of instilling love. Hugs are my love language, and now I can’t bombard her every morning with showers of affection. But even hugs are simply not enough to express how we as parents feel towards our children. Explaining to someone something they have never experienced is difficult at best. Describing a parent’s love to someone who hasn’t reached that pinnacle in life...well, there’s no comparison.
Saying “I love you” is great, but sometimes they sound like platitudes, lacking the heart, the aloha, and the spirit of the words. The banality is disheartening. How does one elevate or ignite that fire to show how much you care? Our children need to know they are loved even more so in this day and age. With instant gratifications expected, quality is limited. It is replaced with a quick-fix reward, not necessarily a better reward, but a placated one. The focus on “self” brings to us all of our faults, wrongdoings, what we are entitled to, and what others are not giving us, thus leading us down many “rabbit holes” (Squirrel! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSUXXzN26zg) of stress and self-doubts.
This “self-focus” can play serious havoc on relationships. One thing I have always tried to instill in both of my children was the acronym J.O.Y., putting the focus where it belongs (in the correct order); on Jesus, Others, THEN Yourself. How do I, as a parent, break through that mental barrier and drive home the fact that no matter what she does, she is still MY baby girl, my heart, my all? These are my ramblings today because I’m ruminating on my mom’s death anniversary. How do YOU show love to your family, children, and friends? With much love and aloha to all of you, my family and friends (and especially my daughter), Becky