23/10/2026
Number 1 Coffee Shop Community Hub CIC here for support also
MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH: SOMETIMES ALL A MAN NEEDS IS SOMEONE TO LISTEN.
It's late, and I've been sitting here reading the latest su***de statistics. I can't stop thinking about them.
In 2025, 6,162 deaths by su***de were registered in England and Wales.
Men were more than three times as likely to die by su***de as women, and men aged 50 to 54 had the highest su***de rate of any male age group.
Behind every number is somebody's son, father, brother, husband or friend. A family whose lives have changed forever.
And closer to home, the figures raise some serious questions.
Between 2022 and 2024, England's su***de rate was 10.9 per 100,000 people. In Blackburn with Darwen, it was 13.3. Across Lancashire County Council's area, it was 14.3, significantly higher than the national average.
In Lancashire alone, 350 of the 470 people who died by su***de during that three-year period were men.
Lancashire's rate has been consistently higher than England's since 2006.
Why? Why are we losing so many men, and why does Lancashire continue to have a higher rate than the national average?
I don't pretend there's one simple answer. Su***de is complicated, and every person's circumstances are different.
But I do think we need to have an honest conversation about the pressures men carry and how often those pressures go unnoticed.
For generations, many men have grown up believing they need to be the provider, the protector, the strong one. The person everybody else can depend on.
Get up. Go to work. Pay the bills. Look after your family. Don't complain. Don't show weakness.
But what happens when the bills become too much? When a relationship breaks down? When work becomes unbearable? When you're trying desperately to be a good dad, husband or partner but feel you're falling short?
What happens when you're surrounded by people but still feel completely alone?
Sometimes it's easier to tell a complete stranger how you're feeling than somebody you love, because you don't want to worry them, disappoint them or feel like a burden.
And sometimes people simply don't know how to ask for help.
Research by Samaritans has identified financial worries, relationship difficulties, unemployment, loneliness and social isolation as important factors in men's mental health.
One of their studies found that almost two in five less well-off middle-aged men didn't usually speak to anyone when life became difficult.
The research also found something equally concerning. Even when men did seek help, some felt the support wasn't right for them.
Not enough time to talk. Not being asked the right questions. Not being directed towards the right services.
That matters.
We cannot keep telling men to speak up if we're not making sure somebody is there to listen.
And we shouldn't assume every man who appears happy, successful or in control is doing okay.
I've been thinking about whether we could bring men together once a month. Nothing formal, no big speeches or expectations. Just a brew, a conversation, a laugh and perhaps a few new friendships.
But before suggesting something new, I wanted to understand what already exists locally.
And I've discovered some excellent work happening right here in Blackburn with Darwen.
SUPPORT THAT'S ALREADY OUT THERE
ANDYSMANCLUB – Free men's peer-support meetings at Ewood Park on Monday evenings. No appointment, no judgement and no pressure to speak. You can simply turn up and listen.
Rugby League Cares – A men's mental fitness programme supported by Blackburn with Darwen Council, with six-week courses at Blackburn Central Library and Darwen Heritage Centre, alongside individual wellbeing coaching.
Talk Ourselves Well – A men's group meeting around a campfire at Whitehall Park in Darwen on Thursday evenings. A chance to talk, listen or simply spend time with other men.
Men in Sheds – A programme at Ewood Park bringing men together through practical activities and shared interests, helping tackle isolation and improve wellbeing.
Dad Matters Blackburn with Darwen – Supporting fathers through the emotional pressures of parenthood, providing peer support and helping dads build connections.
I'd genuinely love to meet the people behind these organisations, learn more about their work and see how I can help raise awareness and support what they're doing.
Because I don't want to reinvent something that's already working.
But I do want to understand where the gaps are.
What about the man who doesn't use social media?
The man who works shifts and can't attend an evening meeting?
The man who would never consider walking into a mental health support group because he doesn't think it's for someone like him?
Or the man who isn't looking for counselling or a formal group, but would just appreciate somebody asking how he's doing over a coffee?
Are we reaching those men? Do they know what's available? And when they reach out, are we getting them the right support?
I'd really like to hear from the people who understand this best. Those who work in men's mental health, those who have used the services, and particularly men who have struggled but never felt comfortable asking for help.
What would actually help you?
Would it be somewhere informal to meet once a month? A walk, a coffee, an activity, somewhere to make friends? Something outside normal working hours?
Or is the answer simply helping more people find the excellent support that's already available?
I don't have a fixed plan. I'd rather listen to what people need before deciding whether anything new is necessary.
AND ON A PERSONAL NOTE...
If you're a man reading this and life is getting on top of you, please reach out.
You don't need to be at breaking point. You don't have to explain everything that's happening in your life. You don't even have to talk about anything serious.
If you fancy a coffee, a walk or just someone to have a conversation with, send me a private message.
I'm not a counsellor and I won't pretend to have all the answers. But I'm happy to listen when I can, and if you need professional support, I'll do my best to help you find the right people.
And if you're involved in one of our local organisations, please get in touch. I'd love to see how we can work together to reach more men across Blackburn with Darwen.
This isn't about politics, publicity or setting up another organisation for the sake of it.
It's about people.
It's about recognising that being a man doesn't mean you have to carry everything alone.
And it's about building a community where we notice when somebody is struggling, rather than waiting until they reach crisis point.
We keep telling men it's okay to talk.
Maybe it's time we got better at being someone worth talking to.
And please, check on your mates. Especially the ones who always seem to have everything under control.
You never really know what somebody else is carrying.
If this post encourages even one person to reach out, to make a new friend or to get the support they need, then sharing it has been worthwhile.
IF YOU NEED SUPPORT NOW:
- Samaritans: 116 123 – free, 24 hours a day.
- NHS urgent mental health support: 111, option 2 – 24 hours a day.
- If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999.
More information about local services:
https://bewellbwd.com/a-z-services/mental-health-support-in-blackburn-with-darwen/mental-health-services-adults/
Please don't suffer in silence. You matter, and there are people who want to help.
