18/07/2026
Since 2011, I started helping homeless animals with foster care, treatments, finding adoptive parents, etc. It wasn't easy, emotionally. I went through everything with them.
It's now 2026 and no, it doesn't get any easier. The foster home has gradually turned into a Sanctuary for senior animals. And it's getting even harder emotionally! Watching them age and get sick before your eyes. Having to endure bouts of illness and not knowing if they'll survive. Looking for a vet when clinics are closed and ultimately being left alone to fight and pray.
Knowing that the hot weather, the colder weather, the wetter weather, is taking a toll on their sick bodies. Every year, every month, every week, it's getting harder emotionally.
I blame myself always and for everything: that I haven't been able to provide them with better conditions, more timely veterinary care, better care, etc., a huge list... This is exhausting.
Many people consider me a strong person and even ask me how I cope!? The truth is that I love Paws dearly and I have a responsibility for them to the end. And the truth is that I can't cope. Life washes most of the time in anxiety, tears, self-blame and dark thoughts. And as much as I tell myself that all this is normal for a world... for some animals...
I don't know where to find the "anchor" to hold on to and float up. I can't be happy when I know that someone is sick. I can't relax and just live and help! That's why I don't have the strength to write here either. I'm purely emotionally closed in on myself and all this...