17/07/2024
Let me tell you a story….
A few years ago, I was at the beach with my family. We had been away for the weekend, so the car was full of our things. As we pulled into the carpark at the beach, I caught the eye of the young man who was guarding cars for tip money. The idea is they look after your car & you tip them when you come come back. I had a bit of a chat with him. Asked him to look after the car, told him we’d be a few hours, and wished him a nice day. We went about our day, swimming, surfing, hanging out with friends, enjoying the sunshine on one of South-Africa’s many pristine beaches. When it was time to leave, the kids were tired, grumpy and starving. So I sent Arthur, ( their dad, & my then husband) with my wallet to get them some take-away slap chips while I got the kids in the car & I would get the car and double park outside the fish & chip shop to pick him up.
Well, I got to the car and found the young man who’d been looking after our car. OH GOD. I don’t have my wallet… I have no cash in the car. OH GOD, what am I going to do? This is soooo embarrassing!!
So what do I do? I do what most people do in these moments. I look away. If I can just get in the car and avoid eye contact… This deep feeling of discomfort surely can’t last once we’re in the car, the windows are done up and we leave this wretched car park & head back to our home with it’s high walls?
I wrestle the kids into their seats, fumble with their seatbelts, all the while avoiding eye contact with this young man who is very politely keeping his distance but trying to catch my eye. Finally, kids are in, windows are done up, the car guard is indicating to me that it’s safe to reverse out of my spot. And then it’s there. That moment you can’t avoid. Where you know you have to wind your window down and tip the car guard. I crack. I just can’t leave without trying to explain to this man that I am not a bad person, I just don’t have any cash with me. So I stop, I open my window and start babbling an apology about not having my wallet etc. This man looks me in the eye and says: It’s OK madam, but you could have said THANK YOU.
And just like that, I learn probably the greatest lesson of my life. Don’t look away. Sit with discomfort. To experience the full human experience, you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Only when we can stay with discomfort, can we connect with ourselves and with each other.
