Olweth'uvuyo Lusedwaleni

13/11/2024

13/08/2024

ON ABANDONMENT...

One thing I've realized after reading and posting all the stories on abandonment is that every single victim has one thing in common; they all went looking for acceptance in the wrong places.

Whereas the Bible says "Seek Ye First The Kingdom of God and All its Righteousness And All Other Things Shall be Added Unto You " ( Matthew 6: 33)

In this context, the verse is for those who have been abandoned by their parents and looked for love in all the wrong places whether it be in romantic relationships, platonic relationships, substances and alternative parents.

God will never abandoned you.. He will send out an army to find you in the middle of the darkest night, He will rescue you.

He has promised to never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8)

I can assure you that there is only one person that will fill in the void in your heart and that person is God.
The God of all knowledge, the God who tolerates no sin, the God who nothing is hidden from and the God whom with Him, everything is possible. the only God worthy of all praise, all worship and all glory be given unto Him.

God will send you people who will lift you up, take you out of the dark hole you might find yourself in. For instance, I have met quite a few extraordinary people who have helped me personally with my abandonment troubles, and I have no doubt in my mind, heart and soul that those people were sent by the Almighty God to remind me of His love for me and how He cherishes me.

So build a relationship with God by first accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior giving your heart, soul and body to Him as a living sacrifice

Be saved.
Repent.
Align yourself with God's Will and receive His love 🖤🤍🩶

04/06/2024

FROM ABANDONMENT, WE ALL CAN HEAL.

God the Creater of all thing in heaven and on earth is the Omniscient; Omnipresent and Omnipotent God, who heal us all in many different ways when we allow Him to deal with us.

In my early stages of life I grew up with my biological mother, at the time I was her one and only child... I never really took notice to how hard life was, financially, because she always made sure I had all that I needed and I never had to second guess whether I was loved or not, I just knew, she was my best friend, there was nothing I wouldn't tell her about.

In the years to come financial struggles started to become more evident with each passing day until it was as clear as the nose on my face, but luckily GOD had already made a way... My father got gravely ill which lead to me being introduced to my stepmother. She offered to take me in and raise me as her own. After leaving home for my stepmom's place things quickly changed, it honestly felt like I sent there to be dumped. I remember being mistreated by her nieces to the point where I thought of running away (I was 9 at the time) but my brother caught me in the act and threatened to tell my stepmom (I feared her) and so I stopped what I doing and stayed...

When my mom would come to fetch me on holidays, I'd literally disappear into a puddle of tears and run to hug her. The first time she came ndakhala ndade ndanesnqala wandibuza uba nditheni and I couldn't tell her ngoba I feared my stepmom, this became a reoccurring occasion everytime xa ndizokulandwa and my just thought uba bendimkhumbula and nothing more.

Years passed and the treatment didn't get any better but my coping mechanisms with it did. I think my mom could see uba I'm never thrilled or excited when going back to my stepmom's place and she knew uba ikhona into engandiphethanga kakuhle and I was no longer the same person she knew... I was colder and distant I don't know what lead her to apologizing for sending me to my stepmom's but she did, tears were shed by both parties and she explained to why she made the choice she made. Her apology made a huge difference in my life because it made me understand alot of things that I kept questioning and it erased alot of hurt that I had endured.

01/06/2024

STILL ON ABANDONMENT

Growing up, my father was not there and still is not. It was me, my mother and siblings, mostly females in the family and had both grandparents as well. My grandpa was really strict, and my uncles and brothers were not easy to get close to so much that having a close relationship that is secured by an unbreakable bonding seemed impossible with them as they were the way they were and still are.

I then grew more and more closely to females as they were always expressing their warm hearts of giving and paying attention, taking time to show love and care and moments of assurance in time where it is needed the most through hugs and cuddles until I fell asleep (during times of my tender age).

Before I reached teenage stages, I noticed how I would get attracted by my uncle's and older brother's friends when they are visiting our house more especially when they would carry me in their arms or say those sweet loving warm comforting soothing words, when greeting kids which l didn't really get from the family males as my father was not there though alive. And I would wish to stay longer in their arm and to hear more of these words. But I was hearing and getting all of these only from the females. (NOTICE THIS: 'MY UNCLE'S FRIENDS WERE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY FATHER WHO WAS NOT THERE AND 'BETWEEN MY BROTHER AND I THERE IS A HUGE AGE GAP).

During my teenage stages, the attraction towards male grew stronger in a scarring way. It scared me because I was so not attracted to girls and then researched about what God the Creater said about man being attracted to man and not women, and I found it and also the consequences to be suffered from the OMNISCIENT; OMNIPRESENT & OMNIPOTENT GOD when such things are being ignored. In finding this out, I then tried numerous ways to find something that would be attractive in women so that I could stop being attracted to man. One day, a friend of mine asked me to visit them at their church... Girls wanted me but I was not interested in them. There was only one girl that I proposed to date with. She showed me signs that she is ready to s*x, so I kept on inviting her to my home, but she never showed up. I attended all weekly church services, going to the alter whenever an altar-call is made.

The time came for me to live by myself away from home, and I gave in to all that my flash was driving me to. I eventually got to go into homos*xuality and did all that was done, but I never enjoyed s*x because it was not what I wanted... I only wanted to be cuddled. As I was dating guys my age, it didn't sit well to them that I'm not interested in s*x, that I only want to cuddle with them. So, they would leave. I remember two guys that I went on as far as having s*x with, they left me because of my lack of interest is s*x. They left me broken that I lost hope in dating guys my age, I wanted to try dated older guys, old enough to be my fathers, believing that they are more matured. Just before I went that far, God captured me.

This one day, I heard and listened young people preaching the True Gospel of Jesus and a young man lead me into a prayer to accept Jesus to be my Lord and Saviour. Something I still can't explain to this day happened to me that I only realised when I was waking up one morning. I just felt different, and couldn't do some of the things I used to do anymore.

Today, I am a born-again child of God who have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
I know who I am and who God says I am.
I have also given my body to God as a living sacrifice, and now my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Whom is a Teacher, a Friend, a Counselor, a Comforter and He always brings to my rememberence what I have been taught.
I am still being healed, delivered and restored.

As I am growing Spiritually, God revealed to me the root cause of the attraction towards me in a divine way that is still keeping me fighting with the unnatural desires. Satan realised he can't tempt me with women because God gifted me this way, he opted for a same s*x attraction and he did this through the absence of my Father in my life although he is still alive with kids younger than I am.

Repent from sin🙏
Turn to Almighty God🙏
God is The help needed 🙌

29/05/2024

ABANDONMENT

growing up without my mother caused a huge strain in my relationships, not only with her, but with everyone who tried to get close to me.
after years of lost contact with my mother, we eventually found a way to get back together again, to live with each other and boy, it wouldn't be easy having to adjust to living with her after nearly 2 decades of not being used to living under the same roof with her ... i blamed her for everything that went wrong in my life, even though she wasn't to be blamed
I would, at times, ask myself, " how would have my life worked out if I had that mother and daughter bond with her, ?" " maybe things would have been different if I could have been able to open up to her " and maybe, just maybe, i wouldn't have went looking for love in all the wrong places, i wouldn't have used someone else as a scapegoat and not confront the truth which is: i need my mother's love to complete or fill in the missing piece in my heart. a piece that seems so small and/ or unimportant, but would later in my life show through behaviors that i grew up without this very important aspect in my childhood.

i then found alternative mothers, in literally all women who showed the slightest interest in me and my being. and as soon as a woman would show me that they loved and cared for me, I would definitely hold on to them for as long as i possibly could , hence i always felt broken whenever came the time for deatachment from them. i always felt that i was being once again abandoned

this would go on over and over again until I found the truth and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior giving me the greatest pleasure of feeling loved and cared for far more than I could have ever imagined or anticipated. i now feel more accepted than I ever imagined, more loved and
cared for.

I love Jesus and Jesus loves me,and that's the end of it.

🖤🤍

28/05/2024

STILL ON ABANDONMENT

Lacking a father figure and a mother figure left me conflicted as to where I belonged between the two God created genders... In What way?

who am i supposed to find comfort in? male or female partners? thus leading me to believing that i was bis*xual. i found comfort in both male and females, romantically.
until it was revealed to me that this was due to the undealt with trauma of being abandoned by both the male and female figures which were supposed to nature and love me and show me how to be loved.

I used to be in both platonic and romantic relationships with males and females. Some of these platonic relationships would, over time, end in romantic relationships, thus destroying the friendships which I had built because believe me when I say, once you go there with someone, you can never go back to how things used to be prior to the deed.

Even though I would get momentarily comfort while or even after the deed had been done , it was never enough to fill the space in me that longed to be loved by my mother and father, instead it always felt like another piece of me had been uprooted and I would go back for more time and time again causing more damage than stopping the seemingly endless cycle. By a seemingly endless cycle, i mean it seemed that I was trapped in this lifestyle for forever, until i accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, whom was crucified on the cross for my sins to be washed away and it is well known that homos*xuality is a sin in the face of the Holy God.

I , don't , however, place the blame of choosing to be be bis*xual on my parents and their lack of love for me..
I now realize that this was all just another one of the devil's tactics which are to steal, kill and destroy the woman that God has created me to be. The woman in Proverbs 31: 10-31.

By the grace of the Holy God I got to be reedemed, delivered and restored from being a slave of sin.

now I am a born again child of the Holy God.
I am a new being, all the old things have passed away.
I am working towards serving my purpose.
I am pursuing my destiny that was predestined by the Holy God before I was conceived.

🤭😊Join me in this journey towards fulfilling the purpose our existence 🤗💜💙🩶.

Love you'll 🥰

27/05/2024

STILL ON ABANDONMEN

When I started using drugs and alcohol, at first it was a decision made out of curiosity🙄🤥😅💁‍♂️💁‍♀️ at least that is what I thought and believed when the times of facing the reality of the fact that, there are consequences to be suffered.
No matter what the excuse may be and no matter what the root cause may be... the fact remains the same:🗣🗣🗣 THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO BE SUFFERED.

I personally suffered the consequences of using drugs and alcohol and they are still visible to this day.✨️

I grew up witout that which is a very important need to every born human being: to be what a baby, a child, and an adult person is to be. By this I mean I grew without my biological parents and God the Creater who created me for His own purpose. A purpose that has been waiting for me to step into it and live for what I was chosen for by my heavenly Father the Creater of the heaven and the earth with all that is in it, by the command of His word. And then made mankind according to His own image and likeness.

Them, my parents,being not present in my journey in life during those times, left a huge void within me which I thought I was filling by the feeling I got to feel while on drugs. That feeling was nothing but a huge lie that I enjoyed for a short while, while it lasted. However the truth of the matter was, after the hight feeling had worn off, the reality would kick back in and I would suppress it again by taking more of the drugs and alcohol in means of not wanting to face the reality which I could not change except I accept the absence of my parents.
I did however have the choice to build a relationship with God by accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

By this, I am not in any way excusing my bad choices due to what I lacked... but I am encouraging those who are still succumbing in what literally destroys their mental being, emotional being, spiritual being and physical being going further into their financial lives.
And I am also testifying to many that Jesus Christ is the Redeemer, the Deliverer and anchor ⚓️ of the soul. And God Almighty is trustworthy as a result in Him, I put all my trust and I confidently take refuge, knowing that He will never let me be put to shame nor confusion.

So, accept Jesus Christ beloved friend, as your personal Lord and Savior. Amen.🙏🙏.

21/05/2024

STILL ON ABANDONMENT

When I was a toddler, my mom and dad separated and my siblings and I were left to grow by ourselves. At that time my siblings were teenagers and our parents separation affected us so badly that it was evident to our community that we were a bunch of abandoned kids who lacked parental guardian.

Being raised by my teenage siblings whom believed that I was the cause of our parents separation because of how things had worsened by my formation in the womb and arrival on planet earth. I personally don't remember the living situation as I was a toddler but I do remember living situation starting from the ages of 7 to 8 onwards.

Around these ages, I vividly remember how my siblings were towards me and how they loved and cared for me as their baby sibling.
How they were towards me is where I got to hear until I understood that they were blaming me for the separation of our parents. I would hear this more in their tone during times of discipline, the words they would us such as "you stupid and ugly thing" and "you such a demonic child".

Eventually I believed what they were saying to and about me as they were raising me and as we were growing together... It further manifested into "reality", which at a certain point made me believe then condemned my self after I got s*xual asulted which I never reported nor shared it with anyone. The reason behind keeping to my self such a heavy burden was that I believed that I deserved all of it as I was a "stupid and ugly thing" and a demonic child" according to my siblings who raised me.

Being abandoned by our parents caused a wound that attracted more wounders who wounded me even more... increasing the depth of wounds into an ocean of wounds in my heart, soul and spirit... delaying my every ability to grow and mature into the person God the creator created me to be.

And now, by God grace 👑 🙏 🙌 ✨️ ❤️ I have been encouraged to share part of my story with you in a testimonial form... 💃 Through Christ who strengthen me whom I can do all things through (Philippines 4:13).

🙌 Be delivered
🙏 Be restored
🫶 Be healed

17/05/2024

ABOUT ABANDONMENT

My mother left at a very tender age due to the intolerable toxic relationship between my parents. This led to me to being raised by my father and his girlfriend with their child my half sibling.

Growing up in their home with my half sibling, experiencing the pain of my mother's absence and lack of understanding as to why she never took. This I mostly experienced during times of any child's basic need together with my half sibling as their needs where being fully met whereas mine were Hadley or even not meet at all.

This brought upon me many questions such as why was I not receiving the same treatment as my half sibling was getting from the girlfriend and my father, this which I was not receiving was a motherly nurturing.
This kept on knocking some senses and nonsensical facts which were: I was never loveable; I was undeserving to be cared for; I was never acceptable hence my mother left me along with my father.

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

Now 🥰 I know and understand the true meaning of my existence according to the Creater of all mankind's purposes because my story never ended there instead it began there, through dealing with this type of traumatic experience.

As it is written in the Manufacturer's manual of life 'If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me' - Deuteronomy 4:29.
'For in me you live and move and have your being' - says Thee Manufacturer in Acts 17:28 in the Manuel of life.

Be blessed💙
Be enlightened💛
Be healed🤍