18/09/2025
There's something very powerful about people coming together with a common goal: to learn more about addiction. Because we can't change what we don't know or won't admit. With this in mind...
Are You Being Manipulated? Answer These 11 Questions And Find Out.
As a person in long-term recovery, I look back on my lost years and shudder. I was an empty vessel on a su***de mission, and I hurt everyone who loved me in the process.
I was also deluded and unable to see it.
To the family whose loved one struggles with addiction, it's essential to understand that your loved one is not trying to hurt you on purpose. They're extremely ill, their thinking is toxic, and their behavior follows suit.
Addiction is a progressive disease. What starts out as fun or self-medication quickly becomes dependency and urgency. And then just like breathing, it becomes a need.
Addiction lies in the saddest voice of all... Your own. With that being said, it's also important to note, the most significant relationship substance abusers have is not with their children, parents, or spouse; it's with their drug of choice. Addiction tells you when to get up, when to eat, when to sleep, and when to use. It's a 24/7 job that controls every aspect of your life. It also controls the people who love you.
There's nothing more convincing than someone needing their next fix. That's because we feel like we're going to die without it. So, we do whatever it takes to make it happen. We might look you in the eye and play on your heartstrings. We may use your feelings to our advantage. I know this because I did it. I lied to my children, my parents, my spouse, my friends, and my co-workers. Lying became second nature to me, and I was good at it. Those of us who struggle with addiction may bully and belittle. But the thing we do best is manipulation.
So how do you know if you're being manipulated?
These tell-tale signs say that you are.
Q) Are your words being used against you? For instance, when you say no, are you accused of not caring or being loving enough?
Q) Does your addicted loved one tell you something and then, later on, tell you they never said it?
Q) When you try to address your concerns with your loved one, do they turn the tables by talking about your problems? Example. You think I have a problem! Have you looked in the mirror lately? Everybody knows you’re a control freak!
Q) Do they ask you to keep their secrets?
Q) Do they play the guilt game with you? Are you being pressured into doing things that you don’t want to do? For example, if you really loved me, you’d do it for me.
Emotional extortion is the cruelest form of manipulation, and it happens when your addicted loved one threatens to harm themselves or you if you don't give in to their request. They may also threaten that someone else will hurt them.
Q) Are you being held as an emotional hostage? Do you feel anxious and worried? As if somehow their addiction is your fault.
Q) Are you being asked to do things against the law or contradict your values and morals?
Q) Do you receive the silent treatment or confrontation when you’re not complying with their wishes?
Manipulators will persist and wear you down, eventually turning your 'no' into a 'yes'.
Manipulators excel at the blame game and may see themselves as victims. They may use tears as a way to elicit sympathy.
Q) Do you ever feel like you need to protect your addicted loved one from other family members?
Q) Have you ever wondered if you’re being manipulated?
Q) Are you being rushed? Does your addicted loved one want everything Right Now?
If you’ve said yes to the questions above, don’t despair. The good news is that once you know you’re being manipulated, you can stop it by setting boundaries.
Boundaries are the mental, emotional, and physical limits you establish to protect yourself from being taken advantage of or manipulated.
When you fall victim to manipulation, it can seem like a long road back. You might be feeling unsure and second-guessing your every move.
By reaching out to safe, supportive people, you can stop being a victim of manipulation and start taking back your life.
One-on-one, you don't have a chance against this powerful disease. But there is something stronger than addiction, and that's recovery.
You don't have to wait for a loved one to make changes. In fact, I hope you don't. Instead of waiting for the impaired thinker to reach out, lead the way! Statistics show addicted persons are most successful when their families are educated and in recovery.
Lorelie Rozzano
www.jaggedlittleedges.com
Author Lorelie Rozzano is a writer, blogger, and recovery advocate who works in mental health and addiction, helping individuals and their families recover from substance use disorder. As a daughter, mother, wife, and survivor, she offers insight into the world of chemical dependency. Lorelie has given thousands the glasses they need to see addiction from every angle. She has written several books on the topic, including Gracie’s Secret, Jagged Little Edges, Jagged Little Lies, and Jagged No More. Lorelie hopes the honesty found in her books will inspire individuals struggling with addiction and their families to reach out for help. To learn more about the Jagged series, click the link https://tinyurl.com/ybhjf7ut
