02/09/2026
Rooipoint Farm Parkrun Report: Event 164
Yet Another Absent Reporter (Sorry, Not Sorry)
Date: 29 August 2026
Weather: Sunshine, clear skies, and the first signs of spring lurking around the corner like a sneaky cheetah. Winter is officially on notice.
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Greetings fellow Rooipoint Parkrunners,
Yet again, your favourite (and only) reporter was elsewhere, stomping feet around Vryheid like a man on a mission. Thankfully, they recognised me—probably from my legendary reports or my unmistakable aura of mediocrity. Sally, the RD, greeted me with a warm smile and the killer question: "Sub-30 on the cards?"
"Better than that," I replied with the confidence of a man who had consumed seven free cappuccinos that day. And I lived up to it. Smashed my PB. Take that, Vryheid.
Surprise of the morning: Athol pulled up too! Couldn't miss that hat of his—it's like a beacon of chaos. Turns out it was his first time there. Hopefully he had a good run. I was on a hit-and-run mission—PB achieved, and I was back on the road faster than you can say "free coffee."
Speaking of which, I was wearing my Springbok supporter shirt and took full advantage of the Wimpy free cappuccino offer available in every town on my route. Seven free cappuccinos and 550 kilometres later, I was back home. I burned off the caffeine rush the next morning on the Memel road with Jo, who was trying to catch me up the hill. The secret? Leave the ladies talking on the run and leave them behind on the hills. That, and an unhealthy amount of cappuccinos.
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ANNOUNCEMENTS FROM THE RD
With the return from a lovely holiday in the UK visiting family, Gwyneth was back! And this time, safe from her other half throwing stones at the silo. Don't worry, Gwyneth—Athol behaved himself in Vryheid. Also, they don't have a silo to throw stones at, so he looked somewhat frustrated. A man without a silo is a man without purpose.
"Gwyneth returns! And Athol is stone-less. A win-win for everyone."
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VISITORS & FIRST TIMERS: WELCOME TO THE FARM
A massive welcome to our First Time Parkrunner:
• Revona – Welcome! We do hope you enjoyed your first Parkrun and that you'll be back again next week. (The first one hurts. The second one also hurts. But by the third, you'll be addicted to the pain.)
We also had a big welcome to our first-time Rooipoint runners:
• Thully – Last seen for her first and last Parkrun in 2022 at Grey Goose. Welcome back—you found us! We were hiding behind the mielie cobs.
• Ayesha – Also did her first run at Grey Goose and has returned to us 10 years later. Where have you been hiding??? Under a rock? In a cave? We have questions.
• Phumelele and Busisiwe – Visiting from Gauteng for their very first Rooipoint run. Welcome to the farm! Hope the cows were nice to you. They're usually friendly, but they do judge.
"First time at Rooipoint? Don't worry—the cows are harmless. The mielie cobs, however, are a different story."
Reminder:
Spring is here next week! Wear anything bright and colourful—flowers in hats, tutus, bright shorts, or socks. Butterflies, bees—anything to welcome spring! We look forward to some interesting outfits. We all know Colin will be in something outrageous as always. Can you do better? Challenge accepted.
"Spring is here! Time to emerge from your winter hibernation and show off those legs that haven't seen sunlight in months. Bonus points for flower hats."
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MILESTONES
None this weekend. Ralph is officially the furthest away from the next milestone—only 499 to go. Go, Ralph, go! The road to 1000 begins now.
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THE CASE OF THE MISSING BARCODES
Number of Unknown Runners Today: 10
Oh no! We had a whole lot of unregistered runners or forgetful ones. Where was your barcode? Why were you not registered? We welcome you anyway, but we're also judging you. (Just a little.)
Funny names and reasons for the unknowns:
1. "The Cappuccino Coma" – Too many free coffees. Forgot everything except their name.
2. "The Mielie Bandit" – Slipped on a cob and their barcode flew into the next dimension.
3. "The Cow Conspiracy" – Actually a cow in disguise, trying to infiltrate the human runners.
4. "The Spring Sleeper" – Still hibernating. Forgot they even came.
5. "The Tutu Trauma" – Left their barcode at home because they were too busy looking fabulous.
6. "The Vryheid Visitor" – Followed me back and didn't know they needed a barcode.
7. "The Floral Failure" – Too busy planning their spring outfit to remember the basics.
8. "The Garmin Glitch" – Their watch said they didn't need a barcode. They trusted it. Big mistake.
9. "The Chatty Cathy" – Talking to the cows and forgot to register.
10. "The Silo Survivor" – Still traumatised by Athol's stone-throwing. Barcode? What barcode?
REMINDER: REGISTER! It's free, it's easy, and it stops us from making up increasingly ridiculous nicknames for you (looking at you, "Mielie Bandit"). Get your barcode here: https://www.parkrun.co.za/register/
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COURSE CONDITIONS REPORT
The last winter run—enjoy the cold while you can, because it's about to disappear faster than my motivation on a Monday morning. There was still a slight nip in the air, but the earlier sunrise was welcome. Getting warm before the run is now possible by the sun, which is a nice change from huddling in your car like a penguin.
The cows are excited to see you all again. They will greet you on the way—probably with stares of utter confusion. "Why are these humans running? And why are they wearing tutus?"
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PB BELL RINGING SOCIETY (aka The Sound of Victory)
DING D**G! The bell was rung! Quite a bit this week, it seems:
• Wandelihle – 21:36 – Smashed his PB by over 3 minutes and grabbed 1st place! Three runs, three placements: 3rd, 2nd, and now 1st. This junior is on a trajectory to stardom.
• Manqoba – 21:40 – After a few challenges on his PB over the last few weeks, he finally cracked it. Pierre on his heels was great motivation. Nothing like a gazelle chasing you to make you run faster.
• Alida – 35:49 – A second faster is a second less time on the route. And that means a PB. Well done! Every second counts.
• Alvin – 38:41 – Visiting from Gauteng and taking off almost 4 minutes on his last Rooipoint PB. Now the overall PB is here with us. Well done!
• Anthony – 38:48 – Returns for his second run and gets 2 minutes faster. Hopefully the hat-trick next run!
• Jolene – 38:56 – Beat that very first time you got at Grey Goose. Feels good, doesn't it?
• Pikkie – 43:44 – Warmer weather is helping! Or maybe it's the thought of spring flowers.
• Samkelo Jr – 45:32 – Another PB! Keep it up, young man. You're doing great.
• Gugu – 45:37 – Almost 3 minutes off the PB you got last week. You're on fire!
• Welme – 47:11 – Just under 2 minutes faster. You're doing great!
• Piet – 47:12 – Joining Welme to get a new PB too. Misery loves company—and so does success!
• Andre – 51:52 – Returns to a much faster time. First run is to check the route; second is to say you've got this.
• Rammy – 52:27 – Getting a new Rooipoint PB. Lovely!
• Qudsiya – 53:54 – Another PB! Will it be 3 in a row next week?
• Zuhariaa – 54:16 – You did it! Rehana left you behind last week, but you were right behind this week. Well done!
• Ryan – 55:40 – Beating your first Parkrun time. You've got this!
"A PB is just proof that you ran faster than the cows could judge you—and possibly faster than the mielie cobs could trip you."
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TOP 10 FINISHERS
1. Wandelihle – 21:36 – Decided that running 3 minutes faster than last time is the way to do it. Show-off.
2. Manqoba – 21:40 – Again challenging Pierre at the end, just didn't have enough to get that 1st spot. Close, but no cigar.
3. Pierre – 21:41 – Our usual man in front taking 3rd. Some competition has arrived! The gazelle is feeling the heat.
4. Jo – 23:41 – First lady in! Decided today she would not let Liezel outdo her. But that hill... it's a monster.
5. Liezel – 23:56 – Second lady in. Swapped places with Jo. Will it be the same next run? Stay tuned.
6. Matthew – 24:55 – Usually the speedy one at time trials. Took it easy today. (Or so he claims.)
7. Craig – 26:01 – Getting into the rhythm of things at Rooipoint. Another solid run.
8. Deena – 26:36 – Getting those times back again. Winter legs are going away!
9. Jessica – 27:26 – Third lady in. That was a close one—beat mom again, but that PB was just out of reach. Next week!
10. Ralph – 27:45 – Feeling like a first timer chasing 500 runs. Run number 501—the road to 1000 has begun. Go, Ralph!
"The top 10: where we pretend we're not dying while secretly planning our post-run snack. And by snack, we mean anything that doesn't require running."
Full results: https://www.parkrun.co.za/rooipointfarm/results
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AGE-GRADED CHAMPIONS (Where Age Actually Works FOR You)
1. Pierre – 70.87% – A turn on the tables! Pierre has moved up an age category and is now technically faster than Joan. The battle of the legends continues!
2. Joan – 68.91% – Still showing all us younger ones how it's done. Age is just a number—and apparently, a fast one.
3. Liezel – 64.76% – Ha! Got you, Jo. The rivalry is real.
"Age grading: where running slower than you used to somehow makes you a champion. I'll take it—as long as I don't have to wear a flower hat."
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VOLUNTEERS SHOUTOUT (The REAL Heroes)
A massive thank you to all our volunteers who bravely stood out there while the rest of us ran (or hobbled) past. Your sacrifice is noted, appreciated, and slightly envied—because you got to watch us suffer while sipping coffee.
"Volunteers: the only people who get to watch everyone suffer while sipping hot coffee and eyeing the muffins. We salute you—and we're also slightly jealous."
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THANK YOU TO THE WATSON FAMILY
A huge thank you to the Watson family for letting us run around their beautiful farm every week. A safe and enjoyable experience for all attending—except when the mielie cobs attack, the cows judge you, or the chickens form a union. But we love it anyway.
Special shoutout to the cows who greeted us warmly. The chickens? They're still in hiding from Coco.
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THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS
• Perfect Water – For keeping us hydrated, even when we forget to drink. Today was warm enough to actually need it. Progress!
• Vitality – For giving us points that make us feel like we're achieving something. Points buy coffee, and coffee buys survival. Also discounts on running shoes we'll probably never use.
• Dischem – For being our go-to for meds, electrolytes, and everything else we need to survive winter—and now spring. Sunscreen, anyone?
"Our sponsors: because running is free, but recovering—and buying new tutus—is surprisingly expensive."
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QUICK LINKS (So you can get here prepared and motivated)
• Register for your barcode: https://www.parkrun.co.za/register/
• View full results: https://www.parkrun.co.za/rooipointfarm/results
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FINAL THOUGHTS
So there you have it—Event 164, the one where I wasn't there again but somehow still managed to make it all about me. (You're welcome.)
Thank you all for another fantastic Parkrun. Whether you got a PB, a flower hat, or just a good story about dodging cow landmines, we hope you enjoyed it.
Spring is coming—time to dust off the bright colours, the tutus, and the questionable fashion choices. And don't forget your barcode. The cows are judging you. The mielie cobs are watching. And I'm still recovering from seven cappuccinos.
See you at the start line—or in my case, somewhere in the middle, trying to remember if I started my watch.
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Wayne
"The only thing faster than my PB is my ability to find free coffee. Seven cappuccinos, 550 kilometres, and one PB later—I regret nothing."
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