Theologos Counselling and Healing Network

08/02/2025

There’s a difference between a struggling marriage and a destructive marriage. A big difference. Sometimes, they can even look the same or have some overlapping characteristics but they are not the same. A struggling marriage has lost its way, has encountered challenges and difficulties that have hindered or prevented the couple from behaviorally being a reflection of the mutual, deep love that they have for each other.

A destructive marriage isn’t about love, it’s about intentional behavior that stems from indifference, disinterest, and a total disregard for the mental, emotional and physical wellbeing of a spouse. The destructive marriage harbors evil intent, diabolical proclivities, and seeks to coerce, control, manipulate and exploit the injured spouse for selfish gain or depraved motives.

The struggling marriage can be one that has reached its skill or knowledge capacity, and lacks the tools and ability to break down barriers to the love, intimacy, trust and safety they both desire. From my experience working with couples in crisis or on the verge of divorce, desire isn’t the problem, knowing how to do the right work is. A good marriage can struggle for reasons that are unrelated to love, however a destructive marriage struggles because one partner is the enemy of love — mentally, emotionally and behaviorally. A marriage worth saving isn’t a marriage between a willful predator and a victim, a marriage worth saving is a marriage between two hearts willing to do the work to rebuild and heal the marriage by breaking down barriers that hinder their mutual love and respect from shining through.

I don’t advocate saving a marriage between a predator and a victim, or a monster and prey. I don’t support victims becoming a better victim to fix an abuser or a victim participating in any form of marriage support with an abuser. Abuse is not a marriage problem, abuse is a behavioral problem, a sin problem, that the abuser is solely responsible for. A marriage worth saving needs help, guidance, accountability and support to do the right work to fulfill their mutual desire to have a marriage that represents the love and respect they have for each other.

The struggling marriage has the hope of restoration when the foundation is mutual love and respect, and there is a mutual desire to do the work to be the love and to express the love that a healthy marriage can. If you’re in a struggling marriage, and you are at your skill or knowledge capacity, I invite you to participate in my 12-week marriage intensive, a transformational 1:1 mentoring program for couples who desire to do the work. Patrick Weaver

06/02/2025

True.

You can never get ahead by trying to get even.

05/02/2025

A year of change, starting with yourself. Contact us 0828287291

04/02/2025

A year of changes to become more like Jesus.

02/01/2025

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01/01/2025

How can others see a wife honours her husband?

01/01/2025

For woman only:
If a man feels disrespected, he is going to feel unloved. Anger is often a man’s response to feeling disrespected. Just as a wife wants her husband to love her unconditionally, even when she is not particularly lovable, her husband needs her to demonstrate her respect for him regardless of whether he’s meeting her expectations at that moment. Just as a husband can choose to demonstrate love towards his wife even if he doesn’t feel it at the moment, the wife can and should choose to demonstrate respect.

The way a husband needs to feel his wife’s respect is quite different from the way the wife needs to feel his love.

Need #1 Respect his judgment – His knowledge, opinions, and decisions. Many men wish their spouse wouldn’t question their knowledge or argue with their decisions all the time.
Need #2 Respect his abilities – they need to figure things out for themselves. The problem is that a wife wants to help her husband, and he interprets it as distrust.
Need #3 Respect in communication. Women hold an incredible power in the way they communicate with their husbands to build them up or to tear them down, to encourage or to exasperate. No matter what a wife thinks she is saying, in the end, what matters is what the guy is hearing – disrespect? Disappointment? Or attacks? Need #4 Respect in public. Dozens of men said how painful it is when their wives criticize them in public. The only time a man’s guard is completely down is with the woman he loves. She can pierce his heart like no one else.
Need #5 Respect in our assumptions.
She assumes, “He needs to be reminded.” Procrastinating on a home task can be a sign that he’s about to emotionally or physically crash.
She assumes, “He’s choosing not to help.” Most probably he doesn’t see that she needs help; so ask.
She assumes, “It’s because of him.” Sometimes wives assign unloving motives to their husbands that could actually be traced back to something they have inadvertently said or done.
Wives should always assume the best and she will find it easier to show respect.
From the Book Only for woman

01/01/2025

https://theologos.co.za/ We train ministers and counsellors. Our first focus is to heal you from your inside to the outside: that is spirit, soul, body and relationships.

Sarel and Thiesa are part of the apostolic kingdom reformation in Africa and are called by God to be a prophetic voice in South Africa and beyond. Both Sarel and Thiesa are called to bring the Church of Jesus Christ back to its original position and purpose and lead it according to God’s original ...

11/11/2024

Truth may not be what we always want to hear but it is always the only thing that will deliver us from the internal destruction that lies create and conceal. Patrick Weaver

01/04/2024

Is there something like "Biblical parenting?" The stories in the Bible describing their family life are not 'godly'. But there are many principles of the Bible we can follow.

Proverbs 22:6 "Train your child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it"

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."

"Dedicate your children to God and point them in the way that they should go, and the values they've learned from you will be with them for life."