07/01/2018
The Cape Town Toastmasters Club
Minutes of Meeting 634
Held on Thursday 26th October 2017 at Kelvin Grove in the Palmyra Room
The meeting commenced immediately after the conclusion of the 64th AGM.
Attending:
Keith Bryer, Tim Johnson, Chris Mahon, Douglas McClure, Mauro Fioravanti, Dennis Elliott, Toastmaster Dave Steward, Geoffrey Ashmead, Lewis Ge**er, Secretary Steve Broekmann, Peter Gihwala, Neville Langston, Geoffrey Wittenberg and no guest speaker.
Apologies:.Yoline to provide
Patron Elliot welcomed the TM back after his extensive peregrinations.
The TM asked Patron Elliot to give thanks. Patron Elliot, however, did not, apparently, have much to feel thankful for. Instead, he requested divine intervention for a long list of issues including, as noted by the secretary, blessings for Africa, protection of our children, healing of communities, restoration of dignity, peace for everyone and, with commendable absence of cynicism, the guidance of our leaders. Amen.
Member Bryer then read the minutes of meeting 633. He complained that his handwriting was illegible in places. It occurred to your secretary that that may account for quite a lot of the criticism levelled at the press. The minutes were approved with the addition of the sentence that Member Elliot’s toast was “To Camaraderie and Sport”.
The TM then called upon Member McClure to deliver a prepared toast.
Accustomed to a rollicking conspiracy theory, members were surprised to hear all about buying property in Malta. Member McClure described the reasons behind the purchase – geographical positioning that facilitated sufficient quality time with the grandchildren, without being too close, the climate, the price, the language and somehow the Turkish siege came into it. Members were on the point of asking what happened to Conspiracies when he suddenly changed tack and described the recent murder of Daphne Caruana Galizia, an investigative reporter in Malta who had been in a car when it exploded. It was not a Kuga. This was dirty business relating to her outing of Important People. The assassination occurred a couple of hours after two aides saw Wikileaks headman Julian Assange who told them that he was about to release emails proving that the Clintons had acted corruptly. So, the reveal went, she was taken out to prevent further damage to the Clinton reputation. Or possibly in revenge for the damage already done by the Panama Papers.
The Clinton link then led to gun-runner Stephen Paddock of Las Vegas massacre notoriety. He did not act alone. Witnesses reported different kinds of gunfire. Member McClure related how a couple had taken refuge in a Casino. While sheltering there, they were ordered by a man (in a suit and carrying a case) to move further into the casino. Shots were then heard. Mayhem ensued. But within minutes the whole mess had been cleared up and the video footage of the incident erased. This was regarded as proof of outside involvement in the shooting. It was worth noting that Stephen Paddock’s father was a gangster who was eventually caught and jailed. His four boys were brought up by their mother, but, your secretary assumes, that the inference was that “die appel val nie ver van die boom af nie”. At any rate, it was more than coincidence that the hotel concerned was owned by a Clinton supporter. The concert at which all those people died, on the other hand, was organised by a Trump supporter.
Member McClure explained the significance of all these threads was that we are watching a “vituperative response to the Trump coup and a counter-response by the Clintons”. In fact we are “watching a kind of replay of the October Revolution of 1917”.
His toast was “To Justice – wherever you can find it”.
Member Langston then rose to offer a surprise toast. A difficult task in the shadow of a racy conspiracy, but one that he accomplished with aplomb, albeit with some brevity. He recounted how his grandson, Paxton, accessed Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” on his cell by simply telling his Amazon voice activated phone to play it. What’s more, the song was rather too loud for grandpa, as children’s music tends to be. Paxton then demonstrated how Eliza, a girl apparently resident in the phone, turned down the volume - just for the asking. The interface of youth and technology, he felt, was a thing of wonder. His toast was to his grandson.
The Secretary was then invited to explain what had happened to the missing minutes of meeting 632. He explained, at tedious length, that it was because of building operations at home that had turned his house into a building site. There are toiletries on the dining room table, a loo, in a box, in the study. Tiles and grout and tools all over.
It all started because the shower door frame had rusted.
Pieter, the contractor came to inspect it and declared the only solution was a new wooden frame. The quote of about R9 000 was fine and accepted. Just before the work was due to start, however, Pieter mentioned that, of course, the tiles would be broken in the process. They were small old-fashioned ones and could not be replaced. Re-tiling would be the solution. One thing led to another and in short order a shower room revamp had been agreed for a further R50k or so.
Just before work started Pieter pointed out that, of course, the shower would not be usable for some weeks and the family would have to use the other bathroom. Member Broekmann protested that it did not have a shower. No problem, said Pieter, we can fit one. We just have to turn the bath around. Of course, the tiles would be broken in the process. Re-tiling would be the solution. The bath room job was therefore necessary first.
So the refurbishment started on the bathroom, and then proceeded to the maids bathroom, which turned out to be on the same circuit of piping and then to the shower room and lastly to the new door frame. This all began in August. And it is hoped it will be finished before Christmas. This year. His toast was to Marketing.
And yes, the minutes.had been found and will be prepared for the next meeting.
Member Bryer then regaled us with a tale of corruption and ineptitude relating to the storage of oil in Ogies, a little-known metropolitan area in one of the provinces to the north. The full speech is on record should members be interested in the details but the short story is that some enterprising characters proposed to clear the sludge from former strategic oil storage in disused coal mines. In exchange for the right to the sludge they would turn the mine into a clean and green environmentally friendly place and give the state 25% of the oil that would be recovered. That sounded great. But they just needed a little start-up cash. R200 million or so to be specific. The idea was that the government would provide that by allowing them to sell 300 000 bbls of oil from its strategic stockpile, and replace it later. As you can imagine, things went pear-shaped.
The irony is that after the sale, the oil remained in place but had been legally sold for a song and the money now belonged to the entrepreneurs. They then encountered numerous “obstacles” in clearing the mine - which still hasn’t happened.
With a lack of cynicism uncharacteristic of the Fourth Estate his toast was “May the good guys win”.
Member Gihwala closed off the evening with a reading of an article in the Sowetan by Prince Mashele. Typically of journalists, Mahele advanced the theory that Africans are not accustomed to democracy, but to rule by chiefs and kings. This explains why they do not expect Zuma to resign just because he is corrupt. Kings don’t do that so why should he?
To round off the evening, the TM proposed a toast to Cape Town - to which all assented. There followed an unseemly limerick fest but none of the contributions was deemed suitable for the minutes. Once the limericks petered out and there no more conspiracies on offer, the TM closed the meeting at 22h45.
SCB
