10/20/2023
In the last several months, Wilkes-Barre Township Police has noticed the same comment on most Retail Theft posts, "Why are the thieves stealing from (insert store name here.) Let us assure you the criminal statistics of these stores are not higher or lower when compared to similar establishments.
The trick to reported crime statistics is that the crimes must be reported. Our Bureau of Pre-Crime was dismantled in 2021, thanks to COVID shutdowns. "Thanks, Obama!"
Some of our local stores have full-time loss prevention staff that work closely with local police, and they are featured on FaceBook feeds more prominently. We want to avoid besmirching the names of any mercantile establishments and want to help set the record straight.
We are happy to assist any store with the prosecution of thefts. Unfortunately, most retail staff is not appropriately trained or allowed to pursue and/or prosecute the thefts that occur even in full view of the employee. There is little that can be done by police or the employees without certain conditions and evidentiary process standards being met under the law or their corporate policy.
We also assure you that most, and not all, of the pictures that we post were not taken with a potato camera. When you do use a potato, we prefer the Yukon Gold 500 with at least 1 megapixel per eye.
Yes, we agree some of the photographs are of poor quality, and the human race does have better pictures of Mars or the Andromeda galaxy than the local crab or television thief.
The Mars rover program has cost over 1.08 billion US dollars (https://www.planetary.org/space-policy/cost-of-the-mars-exploration-rovers #:~:text=The%20Mars%20Exploration%20Rover%20(MER,15%20years%20of%20mission%20operations).
Those programs have dozens, if not hundreds, of people working on their cameras, and someone can select which of the copious amounts of photographs taken from the stationary rover that is staring at a rock for six hours and publish that one.
The public doesn't see the blurry pictures or the fascinating ones; we all know that NASA, JPA, ESA, CIA, NSA, KGB, Area 51, Illuminati, and the MIB are hiding the images of alien Wal-Marts (aka Blip Blop Marts), alien Waffle House's (aka Floogle Homm's) and Alien Dollar General's (Blenfarch Bin) on Mars. They are keeping those pictures secret, and all we get are pictures of boring dirt and rocks.
The typical Pan Tilt Zoom security camera costs a few thousand dollars and is sometimes operated by Fred or Jane from Loss Prevention for only eight out of the sixteen hours the store is open. The posts you see on our Facebook are usually super heinous, entertaining, or we can't solve them without your help.
Also, once in a while, believe it or not........we don't post pictures from crimes because........Police already know who some of the thieves are because you know.....recidivism.
Live Long and Prosper. May the Force be with you; one does not simply walk into Mordor also; we drink, and we know things