02/08/2025
Just some thoughts from a Catholic mom who has worked with undocumented women and families, who has lived on the Mexican border, and has a degree in both Homeland Security and Theology.
You can take them or leave them.
Years ago, when I started a crisis pregnancy center, we saw undocumented families make their way out of the shadows to our doorsteps in need of help with an unplanned pregnancy. With no intention of broadly stroking the entire migrant community, I share that, in my experience, the women who were seeking our services were living in significant poverty in the rural outskirts of our city. Some could speak English, but most could not, and in one very hard case, the mother was also illiterate.
It was very difficult to help these families because their needs were extensive. In ministry, I have always had the goal of encouraging and supporting self-sustainability. However, for these families, upward economic mobility didn't seem possible.
Their future and the future of their children seemed bleak.
When I think about these families, I think back to just a few weeks ago to Mariann Buddle (the "bishop" who spoke at the Inaugural Prayer Service) who said the following in a plea for mercy:
"The people who pick our crops and clean our office buildings; who labor in poultry farms and meat packing plants; who wash the dishes after we eat in restaurants and work the night shifts in hospitals. They…may not be citizens or have the proper documentation. But the vast majority of immigrants are not criminals. They pay taxes and are good neighbors."
I would challenge Ms. Buddle's efforts here… In my experience, yes, the families who came to us at the pregnancy center were working. They did work in restaurants, meat packing plants, and late-night hospital shifts scrubbing floors and moving refuse—however, they often were taken advantage of in these positions. Their pay was very low, their hours long, and benefits non-existent. These undocumented workers were happy to have a job, and as a culture, we "welcomed them in mercy" and then looked the other way when we treated them less than because they had no recourse. They may be good neighbors, Ms. Buddle, but, in this case, we most certainly are not.
The reality is, we can't have it both ways. We can't have open borders and challenge immigration laws out of the "goodness" of our golden hearts and then say, "Hey! We need to have mercy on those undocumented folk who wash our dishes at the restaurants they certainly will never afford to eat at. We welcome all!" This is called false mercy and it is taking advantage of vulnerable families. Shame on us.
Another experience I share is the time I lived in El Paso; my youngest went to an elementary school that was in a hard part of town; almost half of the students there had dual citizenship and came over the board from Juarez each morning to attend. My daughter loved her school, and so did I. In the evenings, she would tell tales of puppies in the school building and always hoped it would happen again the next day—which it often did. Curious, I asked her teacher if she brought her dog into the classroom to visit the kids. She politely informed me that it was common practice for the children to leave their book bags in the hallways, where detection dogs would walk the halls to identify drugs. She said, "Sadly, students are used as mules to transport drugs across the border."
Pre-K babies used as drug mules.
These dogs were not only protecting the city of El Paso; they were protecting the children in that school—not Mexican or American children—just children. Vulnerable people.
With these things in mind, and countless others I haven’t shared, the one thing I know from my own experience, and that I would share with Ms. Buddle, is that the status quo with our borders isn't a charitable option for anyone.
There is no doubt that conversations on this issue have come up in your social media feeds, standing with other moms on the playground, in office settings, and within families. Most likely, your children have asked you about what they are hearing.
Here are 7 things you can tell them as Catholics who honor the dignity of every human person.
1. Hard problems have hard solutions. The reality is returning individuals who are not legally in this country and who commit violent crimes to their home country is not a challenge to their dignity. I would argue that it affirms the dignity of those who are in danger of being harmed and challenges other nations to step up to the plate. Render unto Caesar... I think my family members in Aurora, CO would agree.
2. Borders are a needed reality. If we woke up and had a random man sleeping on our front porch, we probably wouldn't have given him a pillow and mint to put on top of it. Maybe we would help him find a shelter and pray for him—but we would ask him to leave for the safety of our home and/or the limited capacity we may have to take on the responsibility of caring for the well-being of another. Property lines in neighborhoods and borders for our countries have changed over the last few centuries—but they most certainly are real.
3. There are consequences when we break the law. I have lived in another country. I had to follow the laws of that country and maintain a valid visa. There is no country in the world that doesn't have similar expectations. Laws must be justly enforced—as Catholics we must pray always that even in the ex*****on of the law, the sanctity of human life and the dignity of every person is protected.
4. We have a responsibility to welcome the refugee, widow, and orphan. As Catholics we are to welcome refugees, orphans, and widows… Even in our neighborhoods and homes we are to open our hearts and share with our neighbors. This is different from opening our homes to individuals who seek to bring violence or gang activity. It is our responsibility to maintain safety and protection within our domestic churches, which extends to the macro level of communities, states, and countries. It is a balance that needs to be achieved through immigration policies that honor the dignity of every person.
5. We can (and should) have a both/and response. We can support the returning of dangerous citizens of other countries while at the same time supporting—and advocating for—a change in the process through which individuals are able to legally enter this country and become citizens. Especially when they are coming here to seek safety.
6. Disagreement is okay. Two devout and faithful Catholics can completely disagree on the method by which we begin to solve the incredibly difficult issue of immigration. This. is. okay.
7. Pray. Whenever you are in a difficult conversation, or your heart feels overwhelmed by this entire mess, pray. Pray that our leaders will move with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Pray for their wisdom and mercy. Pray that false mercy is expelled from our hearts and minds. Pray that false prophets be silenced. Pray for the common good of all people. Pray that God uses you as His hands and feet, and then start with the person closest to you, documented or not.
As always, you are in my prayers, please keep me in yours.
-Kelly Tolman
(Picture is our family driving to our new home in El Paso!)
