09/16/2023
"I came across a post that said, 'I miss the person I was before loss,' and it hit me hard. It made me genuinely sad because, honestly, I do miss the version of me who didn't know the weight of such a profound loss. The one who didn't have to constantly fear what life might throw my way. The 'me' who used to move through life, ticking off tasks like they were routine. But here I am, in this pit again, and I couldn't help but cry out to God, asking Him to help me climb out of it.
So, during my quiet prayer time, I began to wonder who I was before all of this. Did I have a perfect life back then? No, it was far from perfect, and I shouldn't sugarcoat it. But, you know what? It definitely wasn't this painfully overwhelming. My heart still aches from the loss, and it's hard to find peace sometimes.
And then, I found myself pondering who I will become after this loss. Will I ever be able to experience genuine joy again? Can good things still happen to me, and if they do, how can I embrace them when my heart is still heavy with grief? Will I remain in sorrow indefinitely?
But then, my mind brought forth these verses, these promises to hold on to:
'See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.' - Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)
'Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.' - Philippians 1:6 (NIV)
And in that moment, it hit me. According to His word, I will experience joy again. There's enough space for it, even alongside my grief for my angel baby. I need to choose love and stand firm on these promises. Yeah, the place I'm in right now feels like a challenging wilderness, but I have faith that God is still working in my life, and that's something truly meaningful." 🙏💔