03/31/2020
Ever feel like your toddler feeds more than a newborn? Ever feel like they have more breastfeeds than food? Like you may as well be a giant b**b with legs? Like you'll never sleep soundly again?
You're not the only one!
Breastfeeding a toddler is often not like you expect it to be, especially as our society is so confused about what's normal and what's not.
We're led to believe that babies should be off the b**b by a year, and often long before then.
So if they are still breastfeeding after their first birthday you can find yourself in a position where you might get conflicting information.
So what is right? And what is normal?
The World Health Organisation recommend breastfeeding for the first 2 years and beyond, so if you are breastfeeding a toddler Well. Done. You. You are awesome and you're doing a fantastic thing in a society that tries to tell you you're not. I see you, and I'm proud of you. Truly.
But, just because its right, doesn't mean it's easy. Having got so far down the line with breastfeeding we often think things will be easier than in the early days, and they are, but different challenges crop up.
For example, twiddling. The delightful habit where they feed on one side and like to fiddle with the other ni**le. It's rare to find a parent that can tolerate this as it feels really annoying to a lot of us! Is it ok to try and stop it?
Sure. There are you two of you in this relationship. Twiddling is there for a reason, it's a great stimulation technique for getting more milk so if you can cope with it then do, but for a lot of us it's a deal breaker, so try and give them something for that other hand to fiddle with instead. (Knitted or novelty b**bs sometimes work well!)
Another common theme among breastfeeding toddlers is that it can feel like they're obsessed with the b**b. Every time you sit down they want to feed, tugging at your top, melting down if you say no.
I remember being at the park once and watching a toddler come back to her mum every few minutes for a 20 second breastfeed. Whilst this was no doubt an intense time of parenting for that mum, for the toddler it was just what she needed.
She was checking her mum was there, that they were still connected, that she was safe, and taking a moment to calm down. (Plus quench her thirst!) She hadn't figured out how to do these things without the aid of a breastfeed yet, and that's ok!! It will come!
Ever got to the end of the day and thought to yourself 'all she's eaten today is a quarter of a crust of toast off the floor, licked a raisin, snuck some dog food out of Bruno's bowl, and had 70000 breastfeeds? How is she surviving on this? Well, because they can! Toddlers aren't stupid, far from it, they're not going to starve themselves. Just keep offering healthy, balanced meals alongside the rest of the family and all will be fine in the end. Maybe not this week, or this month, but eventually. Some toddlers pick for a long time, others go through a brief fussy phase. Will stopping breastfeeding mean they eat more solids? No. Nope. Nuh uh. And it means you will have taken away the most nutritious part of their diet, so if you're happy to carry on breastfeeding please do!
The nights are often the hardest part for a lot of parents. Getting up for really frequent breastfeeds, or not being able to sleep without a ni**le in their mouth can be soul destroying. It can feel like you're the only one, with all these other, much younger babies sleeping so much better. You can feel cheated that you're doing the best by your baby and not getting the reward you deserve. It's at this point that most of us question whether we should do some sort of sleep training or controlled crying. I hear you. I've felt that desperation myself. No one can truly understand it unless they've been there. But there are other ways that's don't involve crying so please explore those and talk to people who can help you. When an older baby or child is so demanding at night it can feel manipulative in a way that it doesn't when they're young, but I promise they're still not doing it maliciously, they need help and comfort at night and they havent figured it out by themselves yet. They will, and there are ways to help, but crying isn't one of them.
You may well be facing criticism from family, friends, or even health professionals about feeding an older child. Please remember they usually mean well, and it comes from a lack of education (yes, even in health professionals sadly) you ARE doing the right thing. If you and your child are both happy carrying on then carry on!
At this time of health crisis you really are doing a fantastic thing, your body creates antibodies to viruses around you, so now is not the time to stop breastfeeding if at all possible.
Even if being stuck at home means your toddler takes advantage of the open bar!! (Hands up if you're on breastfeed number 342 already today?)
Don't doubt yourself. I know its intense, and frustrating, and overwhelming, but I promise all is well. And no, your ni**les won't end up as bungee cables no matter how many back flips your toddler does
Credit: Lucy Webber Breastfeeding
