11/20/2025
Spiritual Growth Chart for Your Children
by justaskyourmompodcast | Jun 5, 2023 | Family Topics, Teenagers, Toddlers
We parents are suckers for milestones. We love to record month by month accomplishments when our children are little—sitting up, waving bye-bye, first words, first steps. Did you put height marks on a doorframe in your house? We did—and if we ever move, that door trim is coming with us! As our kids get older, it’s amazing to watch them learn to read, do math, ride a bike and hit a baseball.
While physical and academic growth is great, there’s another area in our kids’ lives we need to include as well: spiritual growth. We don’t necessarily have tick marks on a doorframe to measure this, but there are notable differences in the sorts of spiritual concepts children grasp, depending on their age.
This topic was actually suggested by a listener—and it’s a good one! How do we talk to our children about God, salvation, and things they might witness in church—like baptisms or communion?
There’s one school of thought that says we shouldn’t or needn’t address our child’s spirituality; that maybe this is an area where they should decide for themselves and figure it out when they’re in college.
We would respond that it’s funny that we seem to get that children’s brains/decision-making/reasoning/conceptualizing aren’t fully developed until about age 25. We seem fine with making countless decisions and guiding/shaping our kids academically, emotionally, physical health and athletics—with success & happiness as our aim. In no other area are we so quick to turn over the reins or worry that we are “imposing” our ideas/values.
It is precisely the ROLE of parents TO IMPOSE, teach, guide, influence, and direct. We are the only ones with the authority to do so from the moment they’re born. No one else loves your child as much as you do—(until maybe they meet their spouse someday), and to leave an entire aspect of their being to chance or random input is a high-stakes gamble.
Deuteronomy 6 is our controlling thought here: These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you.
4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a] 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
HOW TO GUIDE A CHILD’S SPIRITUAL GROWTH
AGE 0-4
Kids this age are sponges! Don’t underestimate what they can understand, even when they don’t have full command of language.
Model God’s Love. These early ages are a love & nurture stage of development. As you’re physically close with your child, they’re feeling loved & safe. Talk about how God loves them and wants them to feel safe with Him, too. Talk about what you’re doing (with prayer, for example), and encourage them to participate (what do you want to say/ask God about?). Children this age are imitators. Which means we need to be modeling our own faithful walk…going to church, being in community, praying/reading.
Make God & church Attractive. Read stories at their level. Act stories out for variety. Talk about what you see in nature & how God made it. In church, kids this age should be learning simple songs and stories, not just being babysat. Look for churches with vibrant children’s areas.
Teach them Obedience. Parents (like God) give their children guidelines because we love them. We want our children to respond to us with obedience because that’s how God wants us to respond to Him—it’s surrendering to a wisdom that we don’t yet have. Learning surrender and submission to someone other than Self makes for beautiful friendships & marriages down the road.
Jesus said that unless we become like little children, we will never enter the kingdom of heaven. At least one facet of this is obedience. We expect our children to obey BEFORE they can understand the WHY. And when we do that, we don’t produce robots… Jesus says we actually get understanding!
John 8: 31-32: To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
0-4 can learn basic concepts like God is real, God loves them. God created everything including you. What prayer is and simple instruction on how to do it. God wants us to be kind and loving, to see and think good things. God wants you to obey your parents.
At the upper end of this age: Jesus died for your sins so you can be with God (this gets developed more later). Everyone does some wrong things that put a space between us and God. Talk about saying you’re sorry when you’ve done wrong & how we say we are sorry to God, too. If a discussion of “Jesus died” is beyond their age –or you’re afraid it might lead to concept of death in general, talk about the love of Jesus instead.
AGES 5-6
Kids are now starting to learn about relationships and how they work. At these ages, you’re explaining why relationships are important. They can see that it’s not just mom & dad’s relationship with God—that THEY have one, too (just as they’re starting to make friends at school and have their own relationships with others).
They should be familiar by now with how to apologize and when they should. You should be talking about the preciousness of others—respecting their property, etc.—because others are made in God’s image.
Prayer—if you never talk to mom or dad, we wouldn’t know you very well or know what you need. God is the same way. God loves us and wants to bless us so much.
While they should have regular times for prayer & reading Bible stories, don’t make it seem like work or opposite of fun. Listen to them & talk to them about questions, tangents instead of focusing on making it to the end of a particular chapter.
They can now start to grasp the simple message of our relationship with God being broken because of sin, and of Jesus dying in our place. They may be curious about accepting Jesus’ gift. Use Easter and baptisms they witness at church to talk about the gospel story and expand their knowledge. Let them be curious!
At 5-6, you can teach: how we are like and unlike God, God sent Jesus for us, You can have a relationship with God by accepting Jesus’ gift. You can talk to God by praying, You can read about God and his Son. God wants you to be all you can be and put only good things in your heart. You should ask forgiveness for wrongs. God wants you to spend time with other Christians, to obey Him.
You’re only aiming for main points, broad strokes. Answer the questions they ask but don’t feel like you have to give a long theological explanation. Some children this young may grasp forgiveness and want to accept that gift from Jesus.
Read the actual Bible aloud to your kids at this age. They will understand more than you think.
AGES 7-9
This is the “age of reason.” 7-9 yr olds want to know why. Teach them how to find the answers, how to use a concordance in a Bible, how to find scriptures. Take them seriously.
They need to know their faith is both reasonable and real. Teaching them these things now helps them make choices later based on what they know (rationally & experientially) to be true.
They need to experience the results of actively trusting God. Help them keep track of what they prayed and how it was answered. Jane Heather from our praying with kids podcast, will require her children to go and check on someone at church and pray a short prayer for them if they’ve had surgery etc. That sounds strange not because it is strange or unworkable, but because we don’t do it ourselves or think to challenge our kids to do it. They can, and will, if you lead the way.
Get them into the habit of looking for God and expecting Him to show up (how did God speak to you today? What did God teach you today?).
Transition from having prayer times/reading times together to letting them do it on their own if they’re ready. Maybe read separately from a given chapter and then talk about it on the way to school.
They can understand Trinity, what God’s character is, the Bible is true & what the gospel is; How to pray—more of what it can look/feel like. You can trust God, you should seek God. God wants you to have the fruit of the Spirit and to develop your character. How can you bless other people?
Children this young can often make a decision to follow Christ and be baptized, especially if their relationship with God has been nurtured up to this point. Will they understand every deep theological point? No, but a real relationship with God can begin and He will be faithful to lead them deeper/further. The Gospel is not super complex. They are fully able to understand that the world was made perfect, things fell apart because of sin, that we became estranged from God, and that He enacted a rescue plan to not only get us back into relationship but to also renew the whole world!
Talk about temptations to wrong, how to ask for forgiveness/help, how God never stops loving us, is always waiting for us and pursuing us. (Remember, this is starting to be the average age kids are exposed to p**n & other influences from school, etc..) ….
AGES 10-12
Moving from dependence to independence. They get that this is their life, their thoughts, their own faith. They need to start taking ownership of their own faith and walking with God.
As we let go more and more, their choices will show what’s in their heart. Don’t just let them have 100% autonomy with spiritual things…you can still do parallel study times, talk about what you’ve read, what they think about it, how to apply it.
Still checking in regularly about what God may be showing them, how/where they can join Him where He’s at work. You can still pray together AND have separate times. Keep showing them how to find answers in scripture when issue comes up. They can read full-text Bible now (in modern versions), not just stories for kids.
Make it easy for them to participate in church activities & encourage them to be a part of this community. They can help you serve in other ways, too… delivering meals, helping in the nursery—ways they can give back. Do not underestimate the damage of missing church for other activities likes sports etc. This is the age where it gets time consuming. I (Renee) am shocked at how many people will sacrifice regular gatherings at church when their kids are this age.
Share with your kids what YOU’RE learning. What did you talk about in your small group or study group? How has YOUR prayer life changed/developed? What was an answer to one of YOUR prayers? Let them in on your faith walk! If the family is struggling with something, let them in and invite them to see what God does.
When our children make a decision to follow Christ and become a baptized believer, they are still our child under our parental authority and guidance. AND ALSO they are a Christian sister or brother to us. It may be odd to think of our relationship changing in this way but it does open us up to mutual accountability and mutual learning.
At 10-12 they can know not everyone believes the same or believes God—and how to respond to people’s opinions. What are ways they’re especially drawn to worship or praise (what’s their spiritual love language, so to speak? Being in nature, study, service, prayer?). They’re never alone & never on their own. How can they give back?
Toward the end of this age group, they’ll be going into middle school and possibly a youth group with much older kids. Peer pressure can be positive or negative, and in either case, a faith decision shouldn’t be based on what everyone else is doing (although that pull may be strong).
You can have some pretty deep conversations with some deep questions from kids this age. Don’t shy away from questions or doubts! If you don’t have the answers, find them together.
