02/21/2024
Ever since I was younger there has always been a deep desire for God... I really do not know why, but I have always felt the need and longing for Him... even though I made some very unwise choices there has always been a love for Christ inside of me. I never truly understood the value of that until now. I do not need a sign or a miracle to believe God is who He says He is... I JUST BELIEVE... even with my battles and toughest time... I BELIEVE!
When I was younger and I did not understand the power of agreement. However, with the lack of knowledge, I came into an agreement with the enemy after a traumatic incident took place. With that incident the enemy was able to distract me and seeds of guilt and dissatisfaction were planted in me.
With these seeds being planted in me, I began to think less of myself, developed a fear of failure, had self-doubt, believed I was not good enough, and develop something known as imposter syndrome. No matter how much I accomplished and how much knowledge I gained it was never good enough for me. I always had to do more and get more. I was never able to get excited about what I had accomplished, overcome or obtained. There was always something more to get or do. I never took the time to sit down and embrace the NOW. I was never content/satisfied. I have never been able to see the good in me and I always see what I need to change so I can be better.
Because of childhood issues I never believed individuals would stay... so I always looked for individuals to leave and abandon me. So I never allowed myself to get too close to individuals and always unknowingly self-sabotaged things. I could not embrace anything good… I always found a flaw all because of that one incident. Because I suffered with these issues, thoughts, and broken pieces in my soul, I always searched for affirmations, reassurance, and validations. So because I had a need of affirmations, reassurance, and validations any negative words spoken to me became a trigger and I would completely emotionally shut down. Due to not having a lot of emotional support and emotional availability growing up, I became desensitized to emotions.
SOOOOOOOO with all that being said, we have to be aware and careful with the words we speak and the agreements we make. The enemy is an accuser and anytime we agree with the things that are not of God we come into agreements with things that will attempt to kill, steal, and destroy us. Because of one simple incident in my childhood, it destroyed my self-worth and it took years to regain that power. Somebody somewhere was praying for me and through those prayers I was protected by GOD… In my heart I know I was covered by my grandmother’s prayers. I know had it not been for them prayers I would not be the woman I am today. I am forever grateful because I know not everyone has those prayers and they can go in a total different direction.
I also understand had I not began to build an authentic relationship with Christ, began to sit with Him and ask Him to reveal myself to me… I would have never known the things I explained in this super long status. I share these type of things with other so every individual can know no matter what you are dealing with, you can be free from it. Sit still for a little while and began to ask yourself questions and allow Christ to reveal to you your trauma, your pain, and the broken pieces of your soul. Then you can repent of any agreements you have made (knowingly or unknowingly) that was not of God, ask for forgiveness, and begin to walk in a different direction. You cannot do it alone, seek someone that will be willing to join you on your journey to healing because it is definitely not an easy journey. But remember you are worth it and it’s not about the destination but the Journey along the Way! I love y’all……
