05/20/2026
A few days ago, I learned that my biological father passed away on the 28th of last month. Since then, I’ve been sitting with a lot of complicated emotions.
Part of me is sad for the relationship we never had — the relationship I always hoped for but that ultimately never came to be. At the same time, I’m deeply grateful for the hardest and most important decision he ever made: choosing to place me for adoption.
Because of that choice, I was raised by two incredible parents who gave me a life full of love, guidance, and stability. I grew up with brothers I could never imagine not having, and I became the person I am because of the family that raised me. For that, I will always be thankful.
I don’t know what burdens my biological father carried through his life, or what battles he fought internally, but I can imagine the road was not an easy one. Despite everything, I genuinely hope he has finally found peace.
I’ve never spoken much publicly about my biological father, mostly because our relationship brought a great deal of pain. Some of the worst physical and emotional abuse I ever experienced came from him. But I can say that today without hatred, because I forgave him a long time ago.
That forgiveness was never really for him — it was for me. Carrying hatred only poisons our own hearts. Most of the time, the people we hate never truly know the weight we carry anyway. I realized that if I wanted peace in my own life, I had to let go of that anger.
Forgiveness does not excuse what happened, and it does not erase the pain. It simply means I refused to let that pain define me forever.
The people who know me understand that helping others has always been a huge part of who I am, sometimes even to my own detriment. But I’ve learned that you cannot truly help others if you are consumed by bitterness yourself. I never wanted hate to become part of who I was.
And to anyone out there surviving domestic violence or carrying the scars of abuse, I want you to know this: your past does not have to define the rest of your life. I know the pain can feel overwhelming, and sometimes it feels impossible to see beyond it, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that happiness is still possible. Peace is still possible. Healing is still possible.
What happened to you matters, and the pain is real, but so is your strength. Surviving those moments does not make you broken. It means you endured something difficult and kept going. There is life beyond the suffering, and there are people who genuinely care and want to see you heal and succeed.
