10/12/2019
Every time I set up a volunteer opportunity for VOWAID, I always end up reconnecting with someone I served with, spent time with, shared memories together, laughed, cried, learned, etc. Usmc is a small and very selected family. I confess I have never been the same after getting out, I started VOWAID, with the goal to find that amazing purpose again, to help lead and impact my own Vet community. When I get news that su***de wins after all, I get that sick feeling in my stomach where I just simply failed. What else could have I done? Was I present enough? It’s a lingering powerless, dark, impotent chain that drags you down. I cry, I suffer and I give all my pain to the Holy Spirit that helps me continue and keep fighting to be a source of strength to my brothers and sisters in arms. I feel your anxiety, your loneliness, your disconnection. I know, I relate. I’m here. Always. Please know that. Call me. Anytime. I will be there. If I can’t do anything to help, I will pray and I know how powerful that can be. I rely on my faith to never give up, and after all, I urged every one of you to keep fighting. Connor Ridikulus, I will miss your handsome face. I will remember you on the red carpet smiling and being the most handsome of my volunteers in the spot light in front of all the cameras, I will remember how excited you told me that day was for you. I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry you gave up and felt there was no other option but to take your own life to end your pain. I just didn’t know. I wish you told me. I would have unconditionally been there for you.
~Alice Ward