01/12/2020
While you might not be able to make someone stop using, if you set boundaries, don't enable, and involve an interventionist, you can significantly influence their chances.
Rock Bottom - A Deadly Myth.
If you love someone struggling with addiction, you've probably been told, "you must let them hit rock bottom."
That’s like saying, "let impaired drivers get behind the wheel. They’re adults. They can figure it out."
We know high drivers are a danger behind the wheel. They’re impaired! They can’t think straight!
And neither can anyone else who has crossed the line into addiction.
So why then do we assign reasoning to individuals, who have clearly lost theirs?
It's like trying to negotiate with your two-year-old, about sitting in their car seat. "I'm sorry dear, you’re two. It’s a safety issue. This seat could save your life." Yeah right! Kicking or screaming, you’re going to buckle them in.
Why?
Because their brains haven’t matured yet, and they don’t understand the dangers of riding without one.
But you do.
It’s like that with addiction.
Just as we don't let two-year-olds make choices about their safety, neither should we let sick, brain-injured, addicted persons.
Legislation needs to be changed. We should have the right to commit people to treatment, but we don’t.
Oh no. That wouldn't be fair.
Is it more humane to stand by and watch addicted persons killing themselves?
Doesn't anyone get it?
It’s not the drugs or alcohol that’s the problem.
It's the addicted persons thinking. Their brain has been highjacked by chemicals, resulting in poor impulse control and corrupting their ability to reason.
And yet, we still expect them to make rational decisions.
Does anyone else feel like they've fallen down a rabbit hole when it comes to making sense of addiction?
I know I do.
There’s more help available now than ever before, and yet we still haven’t addressed the most crucial issue.
Treatment needs to be mandated, and before you say, 'Well that will never work,' I'm here to tell you, it does. It worked for me and the hundreds of others I've seen working in the field. I've met very few addicts who wanted to go to treatment. They were there because they were forced into it, via the threat of losing their job, spouse, home, or through a court order.
Addiction is a progressive and terminal disease. Given enough time, the addicted person crosses an invisible line.
You can’t see it.
It’s the difference between caring about your life and not.
In the early days of my addiction, when the consequences didn’t outweigh the fun, I’d wake up remorseful. I’d swear I’d never do ‘it,’ again.
When I was drinking and drugging, I was flirting, cheating, overspending, driving, and not coming home until the wee hours in the morning. The shame was horrible. It didn't make me want to drink; it made me want to stop.
Us addict’s try to make up for up for our mistakes. At least we do, in the beginning when we feel remorse. We work hard, hoping to convince you that we will never do 'it' again. I didn't like feeling ashamed of myself. Shame is heavy and suffocating. I’d work like hell for a few days. As I scrubbed the floors, I was ridding myself of this awful feeling. I told myself I was a good Mommy and wife. Our home was clean, the laundry done and everything was in its place. I’d work hard and wear myself out and eventually… the old familiar ISM would start to creep back in - and then? I’d reward myself with a drink.
Just one.
After all, I worked hard. I deserved it.
I needed treatment then. My thinking was dishonest, but I didn't know it. Had I been forced to go, my children would have been spared years of pain and emotional scars.
But I didn't go then, and it got worse. A lot worse.
By the time I went to treatment, I was apathetic. I had stopped caring.
Apathy is terminal. Not many addicts live beyond this point.
Yet still, we keep waiting for them to hit ‘rock bottom.’
Only for a lot of us, ‘rock bottom’ is six feet under.
But it doesn’t have to be.
Although you can’t force someone into treatment, there's a lot you can do, to influence the outcome.
First and foremost, don't keep addiction a secret. Reach out for help. Break the silence. Go to a rehab center and attend a family program. Or check out meetings for families. When you have the right tools, your addicted loved one has a much better chance of recovering.
Surround yourself with support. Once you start to change the way you interact with the addicted person, you’ll need it.
Things will get worse before they get better.
Learn how to set boundaries. Once you've got your supports in place, you can address the addicted person's needs. Consulting with an interventionist will give you the best results.
Your love needs to be bigger than your guilt. Find people who will help you stay the course.
Just like cancer, chances for a successful recovery are better when caught in the early stages.
Don’t wait for your loved one to hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is an ever-changing landscape with a new deep end, each and every time.
I've seen too many heartbroken families who waited. For them, rock bottom was a casket.
One day we’ll look back at this deadly myth and wonder how we ever bought into it.
Until then, you can help educate others by sharing this post and spreading the word.
Let’s squash this deadly myth. There is no rock bottom. There is only brain/organ damage, jails institutions, recovery, or death.
Lorelie Rozzano
www.jaggedlittleedges.com
