https://www.consciousshala.org/

Conscious Shala, 2201 Missouri Avenue, St. Louis, MO (2026)

10/28/2023

We've all been hurt. Puberty, parents, relationships, work...nobody makes it out alive. Nobody!

In the hard times, we learn to use all sorts of methods to protect ourselves.

Anger is my go-to method of protection. Not the physical kind but rather laser-like words designed to nick and mame my perceived predators.

"Hey a5***le, it's time for you to metaphorically take a giant step back." 🤬

This is all learned conditioning from the challenging parts of my life. Parts where control was taken from me.

Because I wasn't able to physically overtake my foes, words became my weapons. Close behind are achievement, wits, intellect and perfectionism.

Today, my daily practice includes spending time with my defensive parts. Before I grab my phone or get out of bed in the morning I place a hand on my heart and one on my chest and talk to that young part to remind him there's nothing here to hurt me anymore.

On the good days he agrees and we go about our day with relative ease. Sometimes he forgets and I say or write something I shouldn't.

It's been a long process to get to this point and I've still got a long way to go but I wouldn't change a single step.

It's taken a lot of work to soften the hard candy shell I've used for so long to protect my heart. Today, I remind myself it's ok to relax. That's what my ribs are for.

As Ram Dass frequently reminds me, "All suffering is grace." In more secular terms, every challenging experience is an opportunity to learn.

If you think you're ready to put your shield down for a while, shoot me a message. You'll smile more. You'll work less yet achieve more. And you'll experience more peace, joy, and freedom in your life.

As Stephen Still reminds us, "Love the one you're with."

10/27/2023

One of the most profound qualities of psychedelics is their ability to help us see through the illusion.

But once we've peeked behind the veil we have a choice. Are we willing to still show up in our human form or will we check out and live in a state of bypass?

I frequently hear the "it's all just a dream" remark within many spiritual and psychedelic communities. It's sort of like a statement politicians give when they don't want to answer the question they were just asked.

In reality, we're living less in an illusion or a dream and more in a reality that's relative in nature.

The universe operates three concurrent realities: absolute, relative, and illusory.

The dream metaphor implies that the absolute is the only one that exists but that's not true. Our relative relative is still just as real...it's just relatively real. Our dream world is what makes up our illusory reality.

A higher realm of reality impacts lower forms but It doesn't work in reverse.

The only individuals I'm aware of who consistently operate in absolute reality are fully enlightened beings. I have never met one and have no quantifiable data to support this belief but my guess is there may be less than 10 of those currently walking the planet.

If "it's all just an illusion" is something you frequently hear without any additional context, you may want to consider tiptoeing your way back into grounded community and relative reality.

The illusion of that statement crumbles quickly when the tax man calls.

The world is a curriculum for the soul. You were given this body for a reason. Are you willing to show up for class?

10/26/2023

I like to write permission slips for myself when I'm doing something new or hard.

This is one of my favorite permission slips to write.

Next time you'd like to kick someone in the shins, see if you can't try this instead.

10/10/2023

One of my favorite coaching stories comes from the first night of a retreat in Nicaragua. A group of us were sitting on the beach around the campfire and I asked, "How much is enough?"

Some had built spreadsheets to figure this out. Some started doing math in their head. Some had no idea.

But one person said, "I'll be happy when I own a Lamborghini and a mansion."

This was the version of external freedom they thought would make them feel "enough."

Fast forward two years and after a year of coaching and this same client reached out and said, "My dream Lamborghini is for sale right down the street from my house. I could buy it if I wanted to but I don't know if I'm supposed to."

After a short somatic meditation, it became clear to both of us that their happiness was no longer tied to owning the car. They could have it or not and it wouldn't dramatically change how they felt about themselves.

This is the very definition of internal freedom.

The minute they no longer needed the car, they could have it.

The same goes for everything in our lives. If we can drop our desire for money and power, it's there for the receiving.

But the minute I want it, I'm trapped. Now I'm stuck not having something I want and that causes me to suffer.

If I do my work from the outside-in, I'll always have hungry ghosts waiting for their next meal.

The beautiful thing about doing work from the inside-out is I never have to "give up" anything.

When I change from the inside out, what I once needed for safety or enjoyment simply falls away. I no longer need those things to feel ok.

And once I no longer need them, I can have them all.

Desire creates the Universe I live in. When I can let go of my desire, I can have everything I never wanted.

09/27/2023

Within the landscape, 2023 has become the "Year of Integration." But there's more to the story.

My definition of integration is the process of taking the content from an experience and *understanding* how it relates to our daily lives.

The key word here is understanding. Journaling, art, coaching, and therapy are all sorts of tools for integration.

Unfortunately, far to many people sit around regaling tales of alien encounters and mother ayahuasca offering them a boon of Shamanic powers but never progress past this phase.

When I work with clients I specifically separate and add a step after Integration called Activation.

How do we take this new awareness and actually change our lives?

What agreements are you making with yourself and others to keep you accountable?

Two simple questions two help you get started:

- What is the real life correlation and implications of my psychedelic experience?

- What do I need to do - or not do - to use this new insight to improve my life and reduce suffering for myself or those in my life?

Turn the answer of the second question into an Activation plan and find someone to help you stay accountable.

Not to worry. You'll get angry again and the f-word will escape your lips. Perfection isn't required and mistakes will happen.

Do the best you can with an honest intention and things will get better. I promise!

P.S. No major changes for 90 days. Do eat less sugar. Do not quit your job and move to Costa Rica to become a currendero.

09/25/2023

A few weeks ago I got pretty frustrated with myself because an aspect of my personality I thought I'd healed re-reared its ugly head.

I started to wonder why and realized this part had never actually been healed, I just eliminated the stimulus that was causing my discomfort.

Our brains are so frickin' smart and they keep us safe. That's what my brain was doing for me.

10 years ago I wasn't ready to work on this part. Maybe now it's time. Who am I to decide?

This is a lot like the man who leaves New York City to become enlightened by living in a cave in the Himalayas. After a month of solitude he has an experience of pure bliss and enlightenment and begins his journey home.

Walking out of La Guardia, a traveler on the sidewalk bumps the newly enlightened man's arm and he shouts, "Watch where you're going a$$hole, I'm walkin' here."

Maybe not enlightened after all, huh? Just felt like it for a month.

Wherever we go, there we are. We always take ourselves with us.

Removing ourselves from the world doesn't bring us special powers. Sri Krishna says in the Gita that one must not become a sanyasi (renunciate) to become enlightened. This is the purpose of karma yoga. So householders like you and I can do our work and still live out our dharmic and karmic lives.

I've come to accept that some of my triggers may never be fully healed. Today, I consider them features rather than bugs and try to give myself a little grace whenever I can.

Getting triggered already feels like getting punched in the face. But if I judge myself for getting punched then I'm punching myself a second time.

It's easy to forget, but I try to remember there are no mistakes. It's all happening just the way it's supposed to. I may not like it, but every day I can learn from it if I so choose.

The darkness will always rise up to meet the light and vice versa.

Go easy on yourself today. As Trevor Hall says, "You can't rush your healing."

❤️🙏❤️

09/24/2023

The difference is actually doing the work.

You don't even have to try to change your behavior when the change happens from the inside-out.

09/23/2023

So far, I think my greatest measure of happiness is measured by how quickly I can let go.

I've been doing intentional work for almost 16 years and it continues to amaze me when I find a giant steaming pile of attachment.

It's like a little caché of craving and desire that I've had tucked away for just the right circumstance.

Like a dog hides a bone, my mind hides these little stashes of attachment till I'm ready and able to work on them.

I was recently accused of doing something I didn't do and HOLY S**T did every fiber of my being come online to a chorus of, "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!" 🧹

It took me back to a time in my childhood where, "It's not fair," felt more like a mantra than a line from Labryrinth.

For 30 years, "It's not fair" came with waves of anger. My protector parts rising up to meet the threat with a, "Hey a$$hole, it's time for you to take a big step back!"

Except this time, rather than days or weeks of anger, I started laughing. This specific claim was so prosperous and came from such an untrustworthy source that I was shown I didn't have to act the way I've always acted.

This single incident taught me that I am capable of letting go much faster today that I used to.

That letting go is partly a choice.

This behavior, compared to who I used to be, reminds me I'm making progress.

How fast I can let go of a thought that causes suffering is indirectly proportional to the progress on my spiritual (i.e., self-knowledge) path.

The Universe is perfectly designed to burn out our reactivity. This thought was easier. Who knows what'll happen tomorrow. 🤦‍♂️🤣🤷‍♂️

Is there anything you're holding onto that could use a little acceptance this weekend?

09/21/2023

Selfishness tends to be a bad word in modern culture. From an early age, we're taught that sharing is caring.

In many cases, I agree. And in others, the only way we can re-discover our purpose is to get a little selfish.

One of the most challenging life circumstances for me to coach around is a lack of purpose.

Clients who've either never found it or lost it seem to have a pile of ashes where the fire of their hearts used to burn.

When we've lost our purpose (or swap out fate, destiny and dharma if those words resonate with you), knowing the direction of our next step can be a monumental feat.

If you're feeling lost and without purpose, try to answer the question, "When did I start prioritizing others over myself?"

Sometimes, with neglectful parents, that can be early childhood.

Often, it's when life teaches us it's time to get serious. Career, marriage, and kids.

Once you've determined your pivot point, the next question to ask is, "What did you most love to do right before you were forced to turn away from your authentic self?"

Maybe you loved playing a sport? Or drawing? Or dancing? Or being in the water?

There's absolutely magic hiding in our childhoods. We just have to remember who we were before life beat the crap out of us and told us the way to be happy was to make a bunch of money and work really hard.

Now go blow some bubbles or play a round of putt-putt!

Rekindle your joy, kids!

09/18/2023

Did you know that pigs can't look up? Sometimes I feel like a pig. 🐽 Maybe you do too?

Be it our upbringing or epigenetics, sometimes it can be really hard to look up. To take the time to really gaze into the sky and imagine the possibilities.

There's always things to worry about or things to get done and not enough time to dream? 🔮

This fall, I've made it a habit to walk in the park every morning and to very intentionally stare up into the trees.

The majority of my life was spent looking behind me, to the sides, or straight ahead. Be it regret, resentment, protection or just getting s**t done.

Because my neck wasn't trained to look up, I've learned to use my spiritual path as an incline.

You see, when you let a pig climb a mountain, they can see the sun just like a human. And sometimes, seeing the sun just once, is all the motivation we need to start changing our lives.

, , , , , and are just a few of the mountains I use to elevate my gaze.

Hmu if the analogy resonates. I'll gladly offer you one of my mountains.

Or, if you really want a kick-ass incline, there's still a few spots left for the Peru trip in November. Machu Picchu offers a pretty spectacular view of the sun.

09/17/2023

I read this quote a few weeks ago and it's really stuck with me.

When I am unhappy or angry, I started to ask myself, "Am I really unhappy or am I just being loyal to my pain?"

Sometimes I've got a reason to be unhappy (not that having a *good* reason makes a lick of difference). Other times I think I'm just acting out old behavior because it's familiar.

My anger neural pathways is a much deeper rut than my joy pathway. And self-righteous anger is kicking my ass these days. 😬

If I can take a God pause and ask myself this question, I can start to figure out where my loyalty resides.

Give it a try and see if it works for you.

Maybye joy will be my word of the year for my next trip around the sun.

09/13/2023

Give me a game to play and this mind will find a way to make it competitive...and ideally win.

It's a trait I learned from my earliest years. Some of it comes from youth sports, some of it comes from living a life in struggle, fear, and with a mentality of scarcity.

Either way, with four days till my 46th birthday, the oddly difficult work I'm doing right now is learning to enjoy my life.

My coach and I did a session last week that ended with an assignment of me acting silly in front of a mirror - all by myself.

It seems I'd just as soon ugly cry in front of a room full of people or purge in an ayahuasca ceremony than be silly. 🤪🤮

The deep grooves of serious, competitive and perfect run deep. And silly, playful people don't win do they? Or do they?

There's a beautiful documentary on Netflix of the Dahli Lama and Desmond Tutu and what struck me the most about these two old friends was how childlike they were. How much they laughed and played.

My teacher in Peru is the same. A 50 year old kid.

When I ask him how he's doing he always says, "WONDERFUL!" and always reminds me to do what I enjoy.

15 seconds of making funny faces at myself in the mirror sure isn't enjoyable yet but I have a feeling that the harsher I judge myself, the more I judge y'all. And judging either of us is something I'm trying to do less.

So, if you've felt I've judged you, I'm sorry. It's a fraction of how much pressure I put on myself.

And if anyone has any good ideas about how to be more silly and playful, I'm all ears. It just can't overlap too closely with competition. Given the chance, this mind will turn a pottery class into a Battle Royale.

Try and have some fun today, gang. If it feels uncomfortable, it probably means we're doing it right.

Conscious Shala

10/28/2023

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