The Mourning House

06/12/2025

We will not be meeting tonight. Meetings will resume this fall. We are taking a break for the summer. Take care of yourself-it’s wild out there.

05/04/2025

Grief comes to open our hearts. To stay alive when our world dies. It is important work to grieve. Possibly the most important. Grieving is what allows us to stays alive. To keep our hearts bleeding through the hardest moments of our life.

This Thursday (and every 2nd Thursday of the month) come join me and others to gather together and create a community of care. It goes beyond grieving or talking about sad things or all the other things that come up in our brains when we think of getting together around grief. It really is hard to describe, yes we talk about the things that break our hearts and in those moments we are also seen and heard in a way that allows us to feel relief.

Bring a friend or message me and I will save you a seat right next to me. No one is required to talk. Feel free to dress comfy, bring something to draw or write in, or something that represents your loss. None of this is required but always optional.

6pm-7pm-arrive a few minutes early, doors will lock at 6pm.
West Entrance (not the one with the car port awning)

Send a message to learn more

04/24/2025

GREAT NEWS! Brentwood Christian Church is letting TMH use a room for Grief Talks. 2nd Thurs of the month, 6-7p. Important to note that TMH is a non-religious organization and provides gatherings and rituals to honor grief.

https://brentwoodchristianchurch.churchcenter.com/calendar/event/185801046

Send a message to learn more

04/04/2025

Because this is not only my story, I am choosing to be careful how I share this.

Last night in trauma therapy, my therapist asked me "is there even the smallest possibility that you may not be harmed by this person in the future?" A flash flood of tears rushed my face " no because there are other people involved that can/will be harmed."

THIS IS THE POWERFUL PART and something I will learn over experience through time. She said "if you have enough grief support you can and probably will get hurt but you will not be harmed. This is a truth. This is the truth for you, this is the truth for the other people involved."

Even typing this out, my eyes well up with tears, because I know this is true. It has been true for me over and over and over again. The power of being witnessed and supported while we grieve is powerful and it allows us to be hurt but not harmed.

That is why I am offering The Mourning House gatherings, because with the right support we can be process our pain and once that pain, sorrow, and grief runs its course we are able to make clear decisions, we are able to sort through things and reinvigorate our life with possibility, hope, and peace.

You don't have to be grieving anything to come and be a part of The Mourning House. We can't be grieving all the time, we can however begin to create a space with others that when the grief tank is full we know a place where it can be emptied. We know where we can take our hurt and not get it fixed but let it be seen, heard, and witnessed.

The next gathering is the 17th of this month, 545p at The Library Center on Campbell. It is FREE, come as you are, even to just observe. If you have questions, reach out. We aren't gonna fix the grief, we are going to support it.

Send a message to learn more

01/25/2025

Engaging with grief or practicing grief doesn't make the fall of loss any less terrifying and overwhelming. Attending our grief acts as a net and distributes the impact of the fall.

Grief will come and take our breath away. We will still get caught up in the storm of sorrow. We will still get swallowed by emptiness and we will question "how will I make it through" and we will proclaim "I can't do it"

Practicing grief doesn't eliminate the impact of your apocalyptic loss, it only distributes the impact.

Grief used to be ritualized and practiced in community. It was your loss but not your grief it was OUR grief. The weight of grief is too heavy for only our shoulders.

I remember as a child I saw old photo's of these firefighters holding this white blanket thing for people to jump out of a burning building...it was called a Life Net. People who were trapped had to jump-if the Life Net had not been there they would have died from the impact or they would have been burned up.

If we hold on to our grief and try to process it alone we will be consumed. If we can jump and trust that we will be caught in the Life Net, we have a good chance of survival.

Distributing the impact of our loss is what grieving in community can give us. Not everyone will express their loss in every gathering, not everyone will share, not everyone will be ready but to be there, to gather, to hold up other people while they release, shares the weight they are carrying. Even if you, don't have something heavy on your heart, you can still come and and hold up the Life Net of someone who has found themselves falling.

Stay tuned as there will be a monthly grief gathering. It will be Free. I will be announcing date, time and location.

I also want to list what people grieve. In western culture we allot grieving to only those who have lost someone by death. We allow people to grieve for a specific amount of time for their loss by a death but then they need to wipe their eyes and get back up.

This is what I have seen grieved:
Loss of innocence
Our beautiful earth being destroyed
loss of parents
loss of children
divorce
not getting your needs met as a child (this is often grieved in adulthood)
being abused as an adult or child
job loss
things not turning out the way you imagined
not getting the job you wanted
infertility
political party's
our government
children being separated from parents at the border
war
motherhood
fatherhood
retirement
empty nest
loss of identity
family estrangement
the loss of love towards oneself
childhood and adolescent hurts
loss of a pet
ancestral inheritance
religious experiences

These are just a few. There is no qualifier for the right kind of loss. There is no prerequisite to partake. One of the tenants of The Mourning House is dropping all comparison. Comparative Suffering is how we diminish grief work. We show up and allow our pain and loss to take up its rightful space so that we can acknowledge and integrate it.

I ask you to share this with anyone who is trying to human. Invite a friend. First community gathering will be February. Stay close. If you have questions, reach out.

01/01/2025

What has someone said to you with good intentions...

12/30/2024

Create a window of uninterrupted time.
write until you can't.
Every time you stop, start again with 'I wish I could...'
Then keep going...until you feel it is time to stop.
Don't worry about grammar or if it makes sense. Just write
When you've finished read it aloud to yourself or a trusted person, all you or the person can say is 'Thank you.'

12/27/2024

It colors our memories, our present and our future.

How has grief colored the memory and dreams of what was?

12/24/2024

When we lose something we also lose the dreams, expectations and hope that lived with that something.

You aren't just grieving the loss of the marriage, but the family christmases for the rest of time, the time and effort put into that relationship, the dream of what you thought would happen.

When you lose your partner, you aren't just grieving their body, you are grieving the time together, the memories, the dreams of what was going to be, the lost time together.

Grieving weaves itself in and out of the past, present and future.