09/16/2024
I’m sure that all of you have just been sitting on pins and needles waiting for my birthday post this year, and well, here it is, and honestly, I hope you weren’t holding your breath, because this one is still killing me to write.
This year was the first year in decades that I haven’t thrown myself a party, and I didn’t even celebrate that day, much less a week ( month ) like typically do. It’s now been 6 months since my dad died, and I don’t know if I’m the same person that I was then.
I called Cooker and told her no birthday cards, because I knew that a card that was just signed “Mom” and not “Mom and Dad” would easily push me over the edge I seem to be walking like a tightrope, and getting a card signed, “your Dad, I think” would just end it all.
And calm down internet - like there was ever any doubt that I am 100% my father’s child. If anything, Saint Cooker would be the one taking a maternity test… as if she didn’t have her hands full with my dad’s antics, out pops a little girl that basically makes it her life’s mission to replicate everything her hero does. Side note: The first time dad and I saw “maternity test” on the interweb, we laughed for weeks.
As a family, we have learned that all of the adages about grief are true, and that while time seems to stop for those closest to the center of the circle, the world just keeps spinning as it moves farther out.
I seem to wander around thinking about how much we still need my dad for so many things… and while I complained about him being old and cheap, I don’t have anyone to debate random philosophical questions with, and I can’t start the fourth season of Only Murders in the Building because it was our show, and I mean, really, how many times can I see “apropos”, his favorite crossword puzzle word pop up. Kallie is instrument rated now, which in pilot speak means she can fly, AND LAND, a plane blindfolded, and there are zero people on this earth that would be more excited about this than my dad. Both Jaycee and Jet are taking chemistry this year, and they will do just fine because apparently if any percentage of your DNA is Rydquist, it comes with science capabilities, but dad would’ve had his nose in both of their books just to feed his curiosity. Gretch would be dying to tell him that her teacher let them SOLVE A CRIME in class, and as for Georgia…well, honestly, we just need someone to snuggle with her and to absorb some of the 24304628 words she speaks a day and to look at Halloween animatronics.
Cooker has been an absolute pillar of strength for all of us, even while drowning in her own incomprehensible grief, and those little memories that pop up - the ones that can be comforting or catastrophic depending on the time of day.
I’ve also once again been able to watch my patron saint of wisdom, Maya Angelou’s words, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time”, ring true, because there hasn’t been any camouflage there.
If someone only thinks of themselves and their feelings, and their needs, your grief isn’t going to change that. They are still going to call you and expect you to make room for the mess they won’t ever admit they had a hand in, all the while forgetting to even ask if you have been able to learn to take deep breaths again.
On the other hand, you get to find more and more wonderful people that save you without knowing, like Gretchen’s incredible volleyball coaches - who all somehow have a connection to my dad, or people like Morgan, a fellow Belmont mom, who pulled me aside at our school fundraiser on Friday and said, “I’m a nurse at Westwood, and I just wanted you to know that we all fought over who was going to get to work with your dad when he came in. We all loved him”, which clearly made me start bawling like a big baby and made everything awkward AF, welcome to my usual.
I always do my goal setting for the year on my birthday and think about what I want to learn this year, or what nugget I can make sure the five sweethearts I love so fiercely learn about good humaning, or what project I can throw myself into that will make things better.
I mean, last year, I started a whole dang charity.
(That charity, btw, Little Brown House Eats, is still running, is now a 501c3, is tax deductible, and has a goal to get snacks into classrooms in three schools this year. We have also identified 45 students that have substantial outside needs, and we want to help by sending snacks and break bags home to them. The links are up and running).
Goal setting is harder, though, when you realize that the person that you have always tried to make the most proud isn’t cheering you on from the stands any more (where he was probably watching another sporting event on his mini tv like he used to in church, but whatever). So this year my goal isn’t big, it’s just to remember my dad, to be a good human like he was, and to show up for people like he did.
I’m inviting all of you to join me for the first ever Mick Rydquist “Speedos and Spandex” Virtual Fun Run, because if anything, running, speedos, and spandex tights were three things Mick Rydquist loved.
I’m not raising any money, and you don’t even have to run, but I am imploring you to invite the people that you know that knew my dad, and to go out and do something good for someone else that day. You can post about it on the event page if you want, or you can just put it out into the world, but my dad always showed up for his friends and family, and what a way to remember him.
Need some ideas?!? Know any single parents?!? Drop dinner off for them. Drop some gas cards or grocery cards off with your school principal… believe me, they will always know where the funds can be used. Take donuts to your local fire station. Have a friend that has lost someone?!? Call and just listen.
See you on February 26.
