09/16/2024
They say that everything happens for a reason. I wish I knew the reasons why certain illnesses don't have cures and why things don't always go as planned. Before my sister Sandi passed away I was really motivated to get back on top financially, mentally and physically. I needed to show that her baby brother wasn't a slouch. I wanted her to see it because my parents didn't live to see the man I am now.
When Sandi passed part of me shut down. I lost my motivation and ended up having a mental breakdown that landed me in the psych ward for a minute. I was stressed out and depressed. I didn't know everything that was going on with my sister until it was to late. I felt alone and abandoned. I felt like the last person in this world that really knew me and I trusted was gone and didn't know what to do or how to deal with my feeling and emotions. I'm not close to my family the way I use to be. How that happened I still don't know but it's true. I stil grab my phone and want to dial her number wishing that it was all a bad dream.
I've lost more than family members. I've lost friends who were very dear to me as well. Some years ago my ex who I always remained friends with because we didn't break up on bad terms was murdered in Georgia. She was the first female I ever told I loved her to and really meant it. I still go on her page and shed tears to this day because I miss her.
I had to sit down and rethink my whole life recently. I have to get my mojo back. I know none of the people I mentioned would want me to give up on living a good life.