10/24/2022
I just had an epiphany after 6 years of being financially abused by my estranged husband (no we are not divorced yet, he won’t divorce me, so he doesn’t have to pay me my divorce settlement.I realize the first year when he just left one day and abandoned all responsibilities to our marriage with no notice, no communication, he just left and never looked back, nor spoke to me again as a human being. He took our life savings. We had been together for 30 years and he just TOOK MY LIFE SECURITY and ripped it off like a bandaid without anytime to process what just happened or to heal and he never really spoke to me again. And to top it off I was told by my estranged Husband that I am a FINANCIAL BURDEN and he didn’t love me anymore, after not speak to each other for 2 months. That’s all he said and of course extremely hostile, as well.
Few years go by things are looking up I’m going to start a brewery with my best friend. Then Covid happened 2020 I had s**tty housemates that stole ton-o-stuff out of my house.(you name it it was gone, when I was in the mental institution for over a week and then took me few months to get then out of my life. Lost my job, my best friend threw me under the bus (took our friendship and the brewery business away and made me out to be the scapegoat, my mom (who I was extremely close too) and 2 months after my mom passed away. Then I was in a horrific car accident with my son and we flipped 3x backwards off a 100 foot Clift in convertible 350z and landed in a creek, right side up, my 350z was totaled and the cops said survival rate in an accident of that magnitude is 1-5% chance walking away unscathed. My son and I are that 1%. Again LOST MORE LIFE SECURITY. And since 2022 my life has been a spiral downward LIFE SECURITY. There is no help for woman my age, I’m not a mom with young children and I am not a senior citizen. No one knows what to do with me?
I have busted my ass since June Advocating for myself to better my situation and it’s gotten worse, because no one gives a s**t about a 50+ year old woman who was kicked to the curb by her husband. It apparently seems to be socially acceptable for a spouse to not have to give you half of what he has taken from me. My family phones have been turned off, I lost my phone number of 20+ years, I’m going to food pantry at Holy Cross once a week for food. I’m borrowing money from a couple of dear friends just to help me buy toilet paper, toiletries and cleaning products. And a dear friend has let me borrow her vehicle to help me get back on my feet and I have had it for 3 months now busting my ass, working hard to get back on my feet and still no big results yet and things have gotten so bad I feel my LIFE SECURITY will never see the day of light again, thanks to the man I trusted, took care of and raised our children for 30 years.
In the past 6+ years I have attempted to kill myself 9x, ended up in the hospital 3x of the 9x, last time was last year I had eaten Ricin and ended up getting my stomach pumped for 5 hours and ended up being hospitalized for 3 days and then they sent me to mental instatuition and got out couple days after that. I promised my kids and my boyfriend that I wouldn’t attempt to kill myself again, so now I have 988 Su***de Hotline on speed dial on my Wi-Fi number text now. I’m getting help now, but last 4 months I couldn’t seem to get through to my doctors which lead to no medication. I have Been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder & I have CPTSD. All this s**t, because my s**tty estranged husband will not give me a bloody dime of the money I am owed. 6+ years and I have only received $100. I have called hadfull of attorneys, no one will take my case Pro-Bono or % at the end of the divorce. We have a life savings that has a substantial amount that I could move, start a new business and still put enough back in savings, but instead he travels all over the US, goes to Mexico 3-4x year and lives life to the fullest, while I don’t have enough to buy toiletries or clothes.I’m imprisoned in my home haunted by memories of what my family once was. With nowhere to go anywhere fun, I’m home bound 85% and My credit is shot thx to my estranged husband.
What he is doing is criminal and I am doing everything in my power to fight him, because when I get done, my goal is to help no spouses (no matter what gender), like myself, will not have to go through or suffer what I have suffered and hopefully help them get their life back on track. No one should suffer and have to live like I have. I am now a active client at Walnut Street Women Center receiving services ( but they strait our told me their is nothing they can do to help me except help me with supplies and have an advocate listen to me. That’s it. I also called Domestic Hotline and WSWC both have confirmed I am a victim domestic abuse (financial abuse is domestic abuse) and what he is doing is a criminal act. Many of my friends and family have told me get over it, stop playing the victim. And I’m sorry to say until you are in mine or anyones else’s shoes that has gone through major trauma, whatever that might be, you have no right to tell me or anyone else to get over it. THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT for healing your heart, your mental state or you physical state. It’s finding the right resources to help. I have been on my own, going through this with my boyfriend who has really been amaziing for putting up with my depression. It has been no day in the park. My estranged husband always said to me “not everything is about you Sarai”. This is true, however, I am broken and working everyday to find a reason to live, I fight with this ever single day. I hear my estranged husbands voice every singe day telling me over and over “I AM A FINANCIAL BURDEN”. Ironically because he has put me in this exact place. That I am a financial burden to my family, couple of friends who still help me little bit here and there and it kills me that i was once this intelligent women, who worked for herself part-time, home with the kids after school, being in PTA, volunteering at their schools and caring, clothing my family and here I am now I can’t even do it for myself. It’s crazy to me to think that I was once this other person. I’m still there underneath this brokenness and I am doing my damndest to fight for my life. I am strong and fighting battles with myself, to get myself back to get a fresh start to a new improved life. The obstacles are brutal and I have conquered many, but there various obstacles still. One day at a time. One step at a time… there are days I am tired and just want the pain to end, but I promised my loved ones I wouldn’t again. Trying to keep that promise.
I have contacted the DA’s office and am waiting on a call back. I have not worked in over a year due to my depression and CPTSD and until I get both of those under control, work is not really an option. I am also an artist and since the past few years my creative side has been none existance, as well. So I realize my heart, not the loss of him, but the betrayal of trusting someone I shared a life with for 30 year trusting, loving and taking care of my husband and kids being a part time self employed person to work around my families schedule to take care of them, giving them all life securities and then my estranged husband (who I financially supported the first 11 years we were together just ripped my LIFE SECURITY away from me, in one day, took everything that meant anything to me away and that now my future, my life security is in the hands of this person who blocked me from
All communication 2 years ago. P***y won’t even speak to me. Coward he is. He is purposely destroying my LIFE SECURITY. It’s his way of still controlling me. Narcissistic behavior that I was blinded to bye love him and I couldn’t see the through his bulls**t, selfish and verbal abusive ways. Never again by him. Betrayal… it’s the worst, especially someone who was your partner and were building a future with. To trust anyone means your heart and mind must mend to clear the murky haze in my brain.
The only person who ever truly loved and cared for my well being was my mom and she’s gone. Now I’m mean nothing to many… I was taken advantage & used by many so-called friends, in my weakest state. I do however have a handful of dear friends left and that still love & care for me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 🙏💙😎👊🏻🖤
