Lindsay Kane Therapy

08/29/2023

When I was writing my next book I covered “good person” conditioning because I believe it’s making us sick. It’s causing us to lose ourselves. It’s creating a culture of irritable, lost human beings.

Suppression makes us sick.

We are meant to fully express ourselves.

We need to tell someone “no” or “I’m not comfortable” or “when this happened I felt like…” We need to be heard. We need to create the space for other people to say what they need to say. It’s ok if what we’re saying isn’t nice— sometimes that’s necessary. Asserting ourselves won’t always seem nice. It might even seem “rude” to people who would rather you mask how you feel.

Say it, respectfully.

Our body pays the price when we suppress. When we deny. When we try to be nice at the expense of our own wellness.

It feels good to let it out

05/26/2023

Bam. So true. Sharing power with children or allowing children to have autonomy is so hard for people who buy into the narrative of generational trauma many of us carry.

05/26/2023

It's not the consequences.
It's not the demands.
It's not the punishments.

It's the relationship that does the work.

🙌🏼Mona Delahooke, Ph.D.

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✨Visit the 🔗in my bio for more resources.

05/26/2023

05/25/2023

This 💜

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This one is inspired by 's amazing book, the Conscious Parent.

She points out that if you ask 99% of parents what they want for their child, they would say, “to be happy”. But do we actually want that?⠀ ⠀

If that’s our goal in parenting, we are likely to fail many, many times. No human being is happy all the time. It’s impossible. If this is the goal we are setting ourselves, then if our children feel any uncomfortable emotions, it means we are failing them.⠀ ⠀

What happens when you feel like you are failing? Anxiety? Sadness? Anger? Fear? Shame? Guilt? When you’re feeling these things what tends to happen to your parenting?

It’s more difficult to stay present, it’s easier to get triggered by our child’s behaviour, our child senses our disconnection and is likely to do what it takes to reconnect. See how this becomes a slippery slope?⠀ ⠀

Every single emotion has a purpose and a place, so let’s give our children the right to feel every single one of them. Let them know that you accept and love them unconditionally no matter what they might be feeling.

The best way to do this is by holding space for their feelings. Giving them a safe and warm space to express them. Respect that they are valid, even if it over the colour of a cup or the way their toast is cut. ⠀ ⠀

If you find this very triggering, first remind yourself that your child’s emotions are separate to your own. As much as we try, we really have little to no control over our children's emotional reactions.

Take a few deep breaths. Then when you get a chance, try and get to the root cause of what makes you uncomfortable about your child’s sadness, anger, fear or defiance.

Once you begin identifying and letting go of your past hurts, being present with your child becomes less and less triggering.⠀

This is big, and hard work that we do as parents.

Know that I'm here rooting for you ❤️

05/25/2023

Via Flourishing Homes & Families ❤️

05/25/2023

This one is for the parents of the kids who don’t fit the mold.

I see you holding your kid together with nothing but love and a prayer as they cry or feel defeated and you wish the world would see your kid like you do.

I see you wiping away their tears after they were yet again passed by for all the awards and accolades. There is no award for showing up for school despite crippling anxiety or remembering to write down their assignments for the first year ever. So they had to sit clapping again for friends whose accomplishments are so visible and easy to understand.

They are happy for these friends and yet still wonder when it will be their turn.

I see you wishing the world would get for just a few minutes that your kid is working hard too. Maybe harder sometimes than the kids getting all As and or all around best student.

That the world would see your kids aren’t lazy or unfocused or trying to be frustrating, they simply had the bad luck to be born into a system
not designed for their brains.

I see you working so hard to drown out the noise of the world that seems to send the message again and again that your child just doesn’t measure up.

And yet you just keep propping your babies up again and again. Letting them know they are loved and cherished and their gifts matter.

But you might need a little propping too.

I see you crying tears of sadness and frustration when you are alone, I know you might even say a few well placed swear words if only to the wall in your room.

These occasions are why God invented swear words I think.

You are doing Gods work and your kids need you in a very special way, they need you to listen to their hearts and help them keep going.

They need you to teach them the word resilient and to explain what it means to persevere.

I know it’s not easy and it’s ok to cry and rage and wish for a better world.

But I believe that we can change this world and that our kids will change it too if we keep believing in them.

Today I’m sending you a big hug and cheering you on. I’m cheering your kids on.

I am here for every barely passing kid who somehow got in all their assignments through many hours at the kitchen table and sheer force of will. And those that didn’t but learned something anyway. Next year might be their year so a here’s to the future award may be in order.

I’m here for every kid who will never be called up to be presented a piece of paper that says they’re somehow great. I want your kid to know they are great even if it’s not handed to them and clapped for, Remind them they have just the gifts they need and God sees them.

Please hand that kid an award from me for learning to remember their gym shoes or finally getting those multiplication facts or for just staying in class for the whole darn hour or whatever was so hard for them that the world said should be easy

I am here for you as you parent for the long haul. I know your heart is aching but I also know it is full of love. I see you. You are making a difference.

Don’t you dare let the world convince you or them otherwise.

07/28/2022

I don’t agree with the title but good tips!

An age-by-age guide to handling defiance, from toddler to teen.

07/28/2022

How to handle behaviors like aggression, defiance and back-talk in a way that works best to teach your child for the long-term.

07/28/2022

Our children are hard-wired to seek connection with us. It is a fundamental need of childhood, to be securely attached to one's parents. When we reframe "attention-seeking behavior" as "connection-seeking behavior" we learn to recognize that oftentimes the core need underneath our child's behavior is connection. And once we understand that, we learn to let go of the parenting tools that compromise connection with our child.

It's no different than any other relationship! We were designed to be in community, and we honor other relationships by nurturing trust and connection. We actively work to *not* fracture connection with every other relationship, right? Parenting is no differnt.

07/28/2022