What is The Cancer Journal Project? When I was 14 years old, I met Ashley. Four years later, we were married. Nine years later, she died. On May 8, 2013, our 9th wedding anniversary, we found out that the lymphoma we thought Ashley had was actually stage 4 stomach cancer. The two of us responded to the news quite differently. She cried and almost immediately accepted the possibility that she might
die. I just stood there. I was unable to process and deal with that information. I felt that if I ignored it long enough, I could somehow bend the world to my will. Ashley’s sister had given her a journal the day before the full diagnosis and Ashley started writing in it. The ability to write down exactly what she was feeling at any given moment, was comforting. It helped her cope. I never could have written in a journal because I never accepted any of it. In fact writing this now and admitting that it happened is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. For Ashley though, that journal was calming. It went with her everywhere. Through diagnosis, treatment, vomiting, pills and pain she could write whatever she wanted. I would notice her at times while she was writing. Sometimes she would smile. Sometimes she would cry. No matter the emotion though, I knew it helped. As soon as an event happened she would immediately write in the journal. It became almost a stream of consciousness. What she has left is an incredibly intimate and honest portrayal of what life is like for someone dying of cancer. Ashley and I made a deal that no one would read the journal until she died. The hope of course was that she would get better and no one would EVER be able to read it. That’s not what happened though. On the last page of the journal Ashley wrote a list of the things she wanted to do when she beat cancer. Among the list was start a charity. That is what The Cancer Journal Project is. I wanted the journal itself to be part of the charity. I wanted this amazing historical document to be shared with the world. We will release excerpts from the journal and artwork designed around what Ashley wrote. This will happen on our website and social media accounts. It’s the hope that these words will help others to cope and understand what can be accomplished in the face of tremendous adversity. Ashley would have liked knowing that this journal, this coping mechanism, helped others to cope.
