The Dog Council

05/30/2026

Milt Sparks Holsters, Inc. v Badger
TDCDocket 26014
Charge Sheet:
• Count 1: Rolling in Controlled Odor Substances
• Count 2: Possession of Suspicious Stink
• Count 3: Aggravated Grossness
• Count 4: Causing a B.A.T.H. Without Prior Consent
“I may have rolled in a tootsie roll or two. You know, the ones the MurderFloof leaves in the box of sand?”
Verdict Issued:
Court finds Plaintiff guilty of making objectively terrible life choices. However, the Court recognizes that the substance in question was exceptionally tempting and that curiosity remains a protected canine right. Plaintiff is sentenced to one involuntary B.A.T.H., followed by emotional support treats and supervised re-stinkification privileges.

05/30/2026

If your dog held a performance review, what would they criticize you for?
Gowan v Mum
TDCDocket 26013
Charge Sheet:
• Count 1: Withholding of Cheese
• Count 2: Failure to Provide Requested Double Snacks
• Count 3: Excessive Employment Activities
• Count 4: Neglect of Contractual Zoomie Obligations
“I’ve submitted 678 snuggles for approval and received zero back. And it’s been 34 days, 4 hours, and 13 minutes since our last camping trip.”
Verdict Issued:
Court finds that while Plaintiff may have exaggerated the severity of the squirrel incident, evidence supports claims of inadequate cheese allocation and concerning delays in camping-related activities. Pawrents are ordered to provide one (1) supplemental cheese payment, immediate snuggle restitution, and a written plan for future zoomie compliance.

05/28/2026

Mum v Daphne
TDCDocket 26012
Charge Sheet:
• Count 1: Rodent Elimination Without Warning
• Count 2: First-Degree Nana Traumatization
• Count 3: Concealment of Tiny Predator Tendencies
• Count 4: Disturbing the Peace in a Domestic Setting
“We’ve had 20 ex-racing greyhounds and not ONE rodent incident… then this tiny oodle mop arrives and chooses violence.”
Verdict Issued:
Court finds Plaintiff guilty of being “deceptively fluffy.”
However, evidence confirms rodent removal services were completed efficiently and without assistance.
Sentence pending due to impressive work ethic and tiny face.

05/24/2026

🚨 OFFICIAL DOG COUNCIL DOCUMENT RELEASE 🚨

Defenders of the Paw, after years of unauthorized soap deployment, forced dampness, and emotionally devastating towel burritos… the Council has finalized the official:

🛁 B.A.T.H. CONSENT FORM 🛁
(Bathing Authorization & Towel Handling)

No Defender should ever again face:
• surprise spring cleaning
• unlawful bubble exposure
• or public bath-time humiliation without proper documentation.

As outlined in the sacred Book of Common Paws, all hoomans must now obtain legally binding consent prior to initiating any B.A.T.H.-related procedures.

Failure to comply may result in:
⚖️ reciprocal borking
⚖️ side-eye escalation
⚖️ zoomie retaliation
⚖️ withholding of cuddles

Defenders, print responsibly.
The Paw demands due process.

05/23/2026

What’s the most unfair thing your dog has ever been blamed for?
Ronan v Blonde Human
TDCDocket 26011
Charge Sheet:
• Count 1: Premature Accusation Without Evidence
• Count 2: Defamation of Character
• Count 3: Failure to Conduct Proper Porch Forensics
• Count 4: Emotional Distress via Pointer Finger
“Who am I? Pickle???” 😡🍉
Verdict Issued:
Court finds Pawrents guilty of reckless blame assignment and insufficient investigative procedures.
Plaintiff formally cleared of all watermelon-related charges pending further porch analysis.
Remedies ordered include one (1) luxury apology, bonus fruit compensation, and restoration of Good Boy status effective immediately.

05/13/2026

Houston, we have betrayal. Whats the worst betrayal you’ve experienced?
Cosmos v Astromom
TDCDocket 26010
Charge Sheet:
• Count 1: Fraudulent Treat Advertising
• Count 2: Stick Distribution Under False Pretenses
• Count 3: Emotional Betrayal in a Public Park
• Count 4: Abuse of Pocket Privileges
“When Mom asks you to pose before your pocket treat… and the pocket treat ends up being a stick.”
Verdict Issued:
Court finds Mom guilty of intentional snack deception.
Plaintiff awarded immediate replacement treats and restoration of trust privileges.
Stick will remain in evidence locker pending appeal.

05/07/2026

Jury, is forced swimming be considered a heinous crime?
Honey v Mom
TDCDocket 26009
Charge Sheet:
• Count 1: Forced Aquatic Exposure
• Count 2: Unlawful Wetness
• Count 3: Emotional Distress While Swimming
• Count 4: Reckless Endangerment of Zoomie Equipment
“They carried me into the water, put me down, and I had to SWIM back to land again 🏊‍♂️👿”
Verdict Issued: Mom is GUILTY
Court acknowledges Plaintiff experienced significant betrayal and excessive dampness.
However, evidence confirms temperatures were “heckin sweltering.”
Mom sentenced to issuing treats, towels, and uninterrupted post-trauma napping privileges.

04/30/2026

Comment below with the most audacious thing you have ever stolen!
Finja v Mom
TDCDocket 26008
Charge Sheet:
• Count 1: Unlawful Interruption of Food Inspection
• Count 2: Premature Sandwich Confiscation
• Count 3: Punitive Sitting (One Meter Enforcement)
• Count 4: Disregard for Certified Nose Authority
“My nose has never been wrong in its life… I was merely ensuring the sandwich was safe.” 🥪😌
Verdict Issued:
Court recognizes Plaintiff as a Licensed Snack Inspector (Self-Appointed).
However, partial sandwich consumption constitutes contributory snacking.
Remedies include one (1) replacement sandwich and apology in baby voice.
Snootervised inspections only going forward.

04/24/2026

Mumra is super fired. She has bronchitis and has been annoying the heck out of me and Maggie. I’m just trying to sleep and prepare case files and Mumra keeps shaking the bed and waking me from my precious sleeps.
But all is not lost… I’m bigger and will lay on her face and smother the coughs 😍
-Mouse
I swear, I’ll get cases together this weekend, I’m nearly better enough to think and cough 😅
-Mumra

04/17/2026