02/02/2015
Here are some great resources for dealing with relational aggression among girls.
The world of friendship and social status can be a challenging one for girls. Counselor Signe Whitson, author of “Friendship and Other Weapons," observes that "adults often struggle with the question of, ‘Should I intervene in a child's friendship problems?’” However, she asserts, “Kids need adult support and insights when it comes to navigating the choppy waters of friendship, disguised as a weapon.” In a new article in Psychology Today, Whitson provides tips for parents who want to help their girls through friendship conflicts and teach them how to find good friends.
Using friendship and social status for manipulation is called relational aggression, and Whitson says the first trick is helping kids recognize it when they see it. “This type of bullying is marked by crimes of omission that make it very hard for girls to put their finger on what they are experiencing in their friendships - yet the pain, humiliation, and isolation are unmistakable,” Whitson says. By teaching kids that tactics like social exclusion, threatening to take away friendship, and spreading rumors are unacceptable, girls can “make a conscious choice to move away from friends who use these behaviors.”
Parents need to teach girls that “anger is a normal, natural, human emotion” and “how to be angry effectively -- by role modeling assertive communication skills and by accepting anger when it is respectfully expressed.” Doing so gives girls “the confidence to walk away from toxic friendships.” And, by teaching your Mighty Girl how to show her strength -- even by using simple phrases such as ‘Knock it off,’ or ‘Tell me when you get to the funny part’ -- she will learn how to send a "simple, powerful signal that [she] will not allow herself to be treated poorly.”
Parents should also let girls know that it’s okay to talk about their emotions: “Kids need to have a safe place to be vulnerable—to vent, to talk about their friendship frustrations, and even to cry. Parents, relatives, teachers, counselors, and other caring adults are ideally suited to provide this safe place.”
Most importantly, Whitson says, teach girls to know what a good friend is: talk about how real friends use kind words, help when you need it, and care about your opinions and feelings. “Fostering discussions and careful consideration of the values involved in making and maintaining healthy friendships is one of the most important things adults can do to help girls choose friendships wisely.”
To read Whitson’s full article on Psychology Today, visit http://bit.ly/1yYRjIE
For an excellent parenting book focused on relational aggression among young girls, we highly recommend “Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades” at http://www.amightygirl.com/little-girls-can-be-mean
For a parenting resource about this problem among tweens and teens, check out “Queen Bees and Wannabes” at http://www.amightygirl.com/queen-bees-and-wannabes
Signe Whitson is the author of the new parenting book "8 Keys To End Bullying: Strategies for Parents and Schools” (http://www.amightygirl.com/8-keys-to-end-bullying) and the group guide “Friendship and Other Weapons" (http://www.amightygirl.com/friendship-and-other-weapons)
For two books for young children that address relational aggression, we highly recommend "Trouble Talk" for ages 6 to 9 (http://www.amightygirl.com/trouble-talk) and "My Secret Bully" for ages 5 to 8 (http://www.amightygirl.com/my-secret-bully).
A helpful resource for older children (7 to 12) that addresses bullying of all types and help kids learn how to stand up for themselves and others in a positive, productive manner is "Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends" at http://www.amightygirl.com/stand-up-for-yourself-and-your-friends
For more bullying prevention books for both children and teens, we showcase our favorites in two blog posts: "The End of Bullying Begins With Me": Bullying Prevention Books for Young Mighty Girls" (http://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=4741) and "Taking a Stand Against Bullying: Bullying Prevention Books for Tweens and Teens" (http://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=4804)
We also recommend more resources for parents and educators to help them better understand childhood bullying and learn how best to respond to it in our post: "Leading the Way: Bullying Prevention Books for Parents and Educators," at http://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=4900
