09/03/2024
Oh my love! We are moving things around and cleaning. I came across this beautiful, heartfelt, hard to look at momentum that was given to us from our family at AYSO region 65. As I sat eye to eye with you here on the carpet, once again my heart hurts. Yes, even as we are approaching 16 years without you. You were so perfect! Tell me you are even more perfect now❤️. You are beautiful, you were beautiful. You were my little love, my little boyfriend. My heart hurts to see the notes that everyone left for us. To see Marmie and Umpa and your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your grandma write. We were probably in our house trying to figure out how to live life without you while everyone was signing your poster.. I believe this was the day after we had your beautiful service at CBC. Seven days after your home going to be exact.
This was a Saturday and the soccer games were happening on the same fields that you would run on. Someone on your team wrote that some of the other boys scored also. You were from the Speed Racers and were number 5💙. You were so quick on the soccer field and you love to score goals and celebrate. We all loved watching you.
My son, you were everything to me. I’m not sure how we got this far without you, but we did. Certainly it was only by the grace of God.
I wouldn’t say time heals but… somehow it makes it a little easier for us to continue and see the beautiful things in life. You have two beautiful nieces here and they know all about you. Their names are Haven Raine and Rowan Shae. I love you, My Love. Haven Raine is your age right now.
As I was talking to you, I wondered what I’d do with this poster. I said to you, if you were here and we were sitting together would we be having coffee together. Would we sit on the couch and talk? My love, I love you so so much and I miss you so much..
Daddy and I are doing well. Dominique is now in college. Can you believe that!?!? I know she takes you everywhere with her and she really feels the void at times. She wishes you were here to grow up with like some of her friends that have older brothers. Audrianna is engaged to Santi! Can you believe that?!? You know who Santi is. You used to play with him at Victor’s house and even had a sleepover for little Vic’s birthday. Sabrinna is married to Tyler. You know Tyler too! He became a soldier just like you wanted to be.
Life is beautiful down here, My Love. I could only try to imagine how beautiful it is up there. Give Nana a great big hug and kiss for me. I’m sure you’re making Auntie Inez laugh and her laugh is filling the rooms. Hopefully you and Uncle Danny are throwing the ball around because you always wanted to play baseball and he is a great coach. In fact, he was my coach when I was younger. He thought he was pretty cool just like you thought you were pretty cool with your spikey hair. I love you My Love. My heart hurts right now but it’s only because I love you and miss you so much.
Until we meet again my love, maybe tonight in my dreams 💚⚽️ Mommy loves you forever.
