08/27/2024
Trigger warning: This post contains mention of su***de. If you or anyone you know are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis please call or text 988
Su***de Pie
On August 20th, 2014, the world as I knew it ended with the loss of my boyfriend, Derek Rieth, to su***de. In those first days, I pleaded with the powers that be for either a rewind button to undo what had been done or a fast-forward button, so as to get as far away from the pain and heartache as humanly possible.
When my pleas went unanswered and time and space remained unbearably, as-is, I surrendered to a seed of hope. A seed of hope, two cups of granulated cane sugar and a pound of Meyer lemons. I didn't stop at lemonade when life handed me this lemon, but instead I made a lemon meringue pie. Lots and lots of pie, showing up everywhere I went bearing a dish of the tangy-sweet curd topped in cloud-like fluff, inside a perfect, crumbless crust. However, I would come to understand that there is not enough sugar in the world to mask the bitter taste of su***de.
The word su***de and the dark topic rolled easily off my tongue as I dished it up and cleaned my plate while others looked on, poker-faced, breath held. The cat had their tongues while I prattled on in double-time. My tone and tempo in stark contrast to the theme of death by one's own hand. A premeditated murder that will go unpunished but instead imprison all that were left behind. Trapped in a vicious cycle of woulda, shoulda, coulda. A wash-rinse-repeat paired with one solitary wish; Time travel.
10 years later, this pie that I have been serving up and force-feeding to anyone in earshot, has run its course. I have lemonaided myself through a decade of faux confection and while it has served me well, it is time to move on from masking the sour with sweet, to accepting su***de for what it is: A bitter pie to swallow.
It is now time to put away this metaphor in support of something much bigger and much more powerful than lemons to lemonade. Filmmaker and documentarian, Joanie Fox and her passion project, BeatloreBeatlore: The Life & Legacy of Derek Rieth, is in production.
This documentary film will address mental illness and su***de. This film will save lives and help those of us left behind. Please join us in bringing this film forward.
If you or someone you know are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis please call or text 988
Heather Rieth Pink Martini Joanie Fox Thomas Lauderdale China Forbes
