10/18/2026
Stable Paths: Sometimes the Lessons Are Ours, Too
Yesterday's Stable Paths was a little different. It was an extra session that we hadn't originally planned for, and because I couldn't set up a separate registration on our website, I really didn't know how many people to expect.
Sixteen people showed up!
And what an interesting mix of people it was. We had youth, younger siblings, parents supporting their children, veterans, a law enforcement officer, and a teacher who works with at-risk students and wanted to experience what we do here. Some were familiar faces, and some were experiencing Stable Paths for the first time.
We started the morning with chores, as we always do. Horses still need to be fed, stalls cleaned, and the barn taken care of, no matter how many people show up. There is something about everyone working together, doing ordinary things that need to be done, that begins to bring a group together before we ever sit down to talk.
At lunch, Brenda, our licensed counselor, introduced an exercise called a Joy Menu. Brenda had learned it during a workshop she attended this week in connection with her work at a women's prison, and she brought it back to share with us.
The idea was to identify the things that bring us joy, from the big, special experiences we look forward to, to the ordinary pleasures we can find throughout our day.
For Brenda, one of those special joys was going to see Les Misérables in Tacoma with her family. For Josh, it was a hockey game in Las Vegas with his wife. Margi talked about traveling with her husband while they still can. And our youngest participant was excited about going to the NA Halloween party with her family that evening.
Then we talked about the smaller, everyday joys, the things we called the "lunch and snacks" of our Joy Menu. Things like that crisp, fresh morning air you can almost taste, listening to sad songs because somehow they make you feel better, staying after band practice to have the percussion room all to yourself, or playing board games with a big sister. These are the little moments of joy we can find throughout an ordinary day..
Those are the things we can sometimes overlook, especially when life is difficult. The Joy Menu gave us a way to recognize them and remember that joy doesn't always have to be something big.
After lunch, we went out to the horses. Rather than assigning horses to participants, I asked everyone to spend about ten minutes walking through the barn, visiting the horses, and choosing one they felt drawn to. Some people shared horses, and that was fine.
Before we started grooming, I asked everyone to give me one word describing how they felt.
There were words like braced, nervous, anxious, peaceful, calm, and happy.
Then we groomed. That was all. No riding, no particular task to accomplish, no expectation that the horses had to perform. Just time to be together.
While everyone was grooming, I told them the story of Man o' War, one of the greatest racehorses in history, and asked them who they thought was the most important person in his life.
Not his owner, trainer, or jockey. His groom.
Man o' War's groom, Will Harbut, was devoted to him, and their bond became legendary. Harbut slept on a cot in front of the horse's stall and in his stall with him when he needed care. When Harbut died, Man o' War followed him just weeks later.
That story opened up conversations about grief, attachment, and the relationships we have with animals and people. Some of those conversations happened quietly between participants as they continued brushing their horses.
And then something happened with Charlie.
Kota had chosen Charlie, but Charlie wasn't acting like himself. He was moving away, avoiding contact, and clearly uncomfortable. Kota recognized that something wasn't right and asked for help.
As we looked more closely, I became concerned that Charlie might be experiencing pain from ulcers. We will need to follow up on that, but what mattered in that moment was Kota's response.
He didn't insist that Charlie stand still and tolerate being groomed. He recognized that Charlie was uncomfortable and decided to put him away.
Later, Kota talked about how he could relate to Charlie because he has gluten intolerance and knows what stomach pain feels like. He understood that sometimes someone is behaving a certain way because something hurts, and we don't always know what that something is.
When we talked about what everyone had learned, Kota said something I thought was especially important: "Not everything is how you see it. Get more understanding of the situation."
That is empathy, and it is something we can all practice.
After grooming, I asked everyone again for a word describing how they felt. The words included peaceful, calm, soft, rested, focused, and connected. Some people who had arrived nervous or anxious were feeling very differently. Like they could breathe again.
We finished by leading the horses over our bridge and asking them to back up. Some horses did everything asked of them, and some didn't. But everyone was successful because the point wasn't getting a horse across a bridge. It was learning to listen to each other, communicate, and recognize when to ask, when to wait, and when to let something go.
At the end of the day, we talked about what everyone was taking away from the experience.
Fred appreciated spending time with the horses, resting with them, and feeling better prepared to deal with the things that come up in life. Kaydence talked about learning to lead a horse and being in a good mood. Chloe simply said she had a good time.
David appreciated having peaceful time without having to think about everything that needed to be done, and the opportunity to disconnect from technology and be present.
One of our visitors, who works with at-risk youth in a school setting, talked about the kindness, patience, and sense of community she experienced here. Another participant talked about how much it meant to be outside with the horses and other people, with no agenda beyond being together.
Amelia shared something particularly meaningful. She had been mentally unprepared for the number of people and was worried that her anxiety might affect the horses. That's one of the reasons she chose Lefty, one of our calmest horses. She knew that being around him would help her feel more settled, but she also wanted to be mindful of how her emotions might affect him. What she took away from the experience went beyond horses. She realized that when she's feeling anxious or overwhelmed, she can make the same kind of choice about the people she surrounds herself with, choosing those who will help her feel calm and supported rather than adding to her anxiety.
Josh talked about service and serenity, the importance of teaching and sharing, and watching people grow.
And I shared something personal, too.
I had been carrying around a mistake I made while trying to help someone in a very difficult situation. I acted out of love and concern, but later realized there had been a better way to handle it. It had been weighing on me. While we were cleaning stalls that morning, I confided in another woman who is also in the AA program. She listened and then said something that gave me an entirely different way of looking at what had happened.
"Love is never wrong."
That doesn't mean our decisions are always right, or that good intentions prevent mistakes. We still have to learn from them. But it helped me understand that I didn't have to punish myself for trying to help someone.
And yesterday, while everyone was working together doing chores, caring for horses, and looking out for one another, I felt that weight lift.
I think that was my own Stable Paths lesson for the day.
Finally, I want to say something about our volunteers, because none of this happens without them.
Stable Paths is free to participants, including lunch, which is an important part of our time together. We aren't equipped to prepare meals here, so we purchase them for each session. Usually it's sandwich platters, a veggie tray, hummus and bread, and a treat like cookies or brownies. Yesterday's lunch alone cost $148, and rising food prices have made feeding everyone a real challenge for our budget. If anyone would like to help us cover the cost of meals for future Stable Paths sessions, we would be very grateful. Sharing a meal is an important part of what we do, and we want to continue providing that experience without any cost to the families who attend.
And every person who helps make these days possible is giving something that can't simply be measured in dollars. Our volunteers care for the horses, prepare the barn, help with chores, support the activities, welcome families, listen to conversations, and notice when someone needs a little extra help.
They make it possible for sixteen very different people to come together and have sixteen different experiences, each one meaningful in its own way.
We have people who bring professional experience, people who bring lived experience, and people who simply show up with a willingness to help. Every one of them matters.
And just like the story of Man o' War and his groom, sometimes the most important people aren't the ones receiving the recognition.
They're the ones quietly showing up, doing the work, and caring for others.
To our volunteers, thank you. You don't just help us run Stable Paths. You are what makes Stable Paths possible.
And to everyone who spent the day with us, thank you for trusting us, sharing your thoughts, and being willing to learn alongside the horses and one another.
❤️ The Whole Horse Place
