10/10/2023
Do you know what the hardest part about working with victims of domestic violence is?
Not pushing them to leave their abuser.
It's hard because the right choice is so obvious but they can’t see it, and even if they do, they doubt themselves until it simply looks like another opportunity to make the wrong choice.
They've lost themselves and everything feels scary, so they waiver. And it's difficult because all you want to do is force them in the right direction; everyone knows what needs to be done; everyone except them.
Do you know how a chicken hatches?
It moves around inside of its egg for days before beginning the the fight to free itself. Then, it pecks its shell thousands of times and once it breaks a tiny pep hole and takes its first breath of freedom, it stops.
The chick rests because it knows that it’s going to have a long road ahead of it.
You watch, knowing that the only thing keeping the chick from freedom is something you could pull it out of, but while its tempting to step in and break the shell, you can’t. The chick is in there learning to flex its neck and move its head; skills it needs to survive. It’s still absorbing the rest of the yolk sac and if you break the shell it will bleed to death.
Pull the chick out and you will kill it. Push a DV victim, you may send them back.
Like the chick, they pecked thousands of times before even cracking the surface and letting you know they are in there. And while the progress may be painfully slow to watch, inside they ARE making progress. They are gathering strength and learning to flex their muscles, and if you yank them free, you risk pulling them out before they had the strength to survive.
So you wait. Like a hatching box, you get ready for their arrival by providing support for their survival, but you allow them to arrive on their timeline because they are not failing, they are hatching, and when they finally step foot into a new world, they will be exhausted because hatching is not easy.
You will celebrate, because they are free.
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**IMPORTANT** There are many types of domestic violence including physical, sexual, emotional, and financial abuse. While most situations require that you wait in patience for a victim to make their own decision to become a free survivor, there are times when a situation is so life-threatening that you cannot wait to assist. In situations like this I recommend reaching out to your local domestic violence shelter for guidance and resources to assist. Thank you for your support and in honor of domestic violence awareness month, the victims who have gone before us, and the survivors who are still hatching, please share so that we can spread awareness and put an end to the violence.
