10/12/2026
“I was 23 years old, a single mother, and pregnant with my second daughter. My fiancé had a drinking problem, and I took a lot of busted lips and sore arms until our daughter was born. I realized if I didn’t get out, my daughters wouldn’t see me as a strong person.
I didn’t want them to see me being beat. I knew I had to get away and advocate for them to be strong, so they’d never allow anyone to ever put their hands on them.
But leaving was hard. I didn’t have nurturing family support at the time, because my mom was going through some tough things.
Sometimes people don’t understand that we stay for financial reasons or because we don’t have anywhere to go. And sometimes we’re trauma-bonded to the situation.
I planned my escape carefully and waited until he was away from home. My friends came over with a U-haul, and within hours we packed up all my stuff and I was gone. It was all about getting away and it was very scary.
I stood my ground because I knew I could not raise my daughters that way. My love for them overpowered everything. I chose myself, but I chose my children even more – to not have them in that environment. I left and never went back.”
Tamika Valentine survived abuse and now channels her advocacy into her work as a chef at Stylish & Graceful Catering. Tamika is a celebrated competitor of Dish It Up, Women Against Abuse’s annual women chef competition celebrating culinary excellence and survivor empowerment. Thank you for your advocacy, Tamika!
[Image description: A picture of Tamika with a big smile on her face.]
