03/28/2026
I usually don’t make post like this but this years hitting a little different. While I am forever grateful to still be able to love and watch my daughter grow it still hits.
The last few days I’ve been running around stores trying to get my girls Easter baskets put together.
While it’s something I enjoy doing so very much It’s also something I do each and every year.
This isn’t just an Easter basket to me! it’s my love, and the attention I put into the things they like and want, it’s motivation, trust and truth to the mom that I pray I am being each and every day.
Anyhow, the two baskets are so so so different. The one to the left is my youngest. The one to the right is Lalas. The difference in them is so triggering sometimes.
You see!
Lalas 13…My youngest is 11.
11, and 13!!!!
I don’t dwell on it much anymore but sometimes when holidays, birthdays, and special occasions like mile stones hit for my youngest, I sit and wonder 💭 What would Lala be like?
Would she be running, playing, talking, have an attitude like the rest of them?
Would she gang up on me like them?
Would Lala and my Youngest have the bond that my two older girls have? Would they be able to look at each other and “just know” like my older two do? Or would they bump heads?
Pink, or blue?
Shorts or skirt?
Or would she still be a mommas girl? Like she was from the start.
When would her first sentence have made it past the words “Look” and “That”
Would she be tall and skinny, short and chunky? Who would be her favorite singer?
Dance, or soccer?
Tv, or Outside?
Fruits, or snacks?
Lots of friends, or to herself?
Instead I’m buying her baby toys and sensory items. G-tube feeding, 1,5,9,1 and Disney music moving her from her chair to her bed.
Therapies and Drs.
While I’m forever and eternally grateful to the Lord that my baby is still here and I can do these things for her
I still miss the baby she was and the growth I’ll never see.
There’s so much I want to know that I’ll never know or see.
This is the grieving that most won’t understand because I myself didn’t understand it when the dr first told me but now that I live it I understand it sometimes. (Like right now)
Sometimes it’s non existent and others it just hits you.
I had dreams and goals for her, while I still do they are nothing like what they used to be. But we pray, we give it to God and we move on one day at a time.
I love you Lala more than you’ll ever know!
My youngest is as Happy as can be, she’s so loved not only by me but by her support system and she treats Lala with such love and care. I’m so very proud of her. 💕
This is
