03/18/2026
Well, I woke up feeling terrible today, so forgive me for not posting a picture of myself. I look terrible also. And sadly, its very terrifying for me to, "not feel good" because I become terrified that something bad is wrong. I live a scary life. Anyways, my daughter came over for 4 hours and it was a JOY and full SIMCHA to talk to her. We talked about how we are grateful to be girls, because how do you live with "extra body parts" hanging off of you? How do you not get your parts squished all the time? I couldn't cope with all of that. Plus my daughter said, "the life of a man is just too hard." Even is Judaism the men have to do so many prayers and just so much responsibility. It seems way too hard. For girls, everything is just optional. You can just pray when you feel like it and all the other things.
We also talked about how there is nothing else in the whole entire world like antisemetism-- where people just become completely obsessed to where its all they think about 24/7 and it becomes their whole entire existence. But it was strange, but when my daughter was a child, around 9 years old, the adults in the neighborhood did the same thing to my daughter-- they became absolutely totally obsessed with her-- just like what you see happening to the Jews. We talked about this and "how do you do that to a child." It all started because the adults in the neighborhood told her to put on pants when it was a little cold out and she said, "no." And when they knocked on my door I explained to them that I don't want my daughter, "listening to adults." I mean an adult could tell my daughter, "come to my bedroom so I can mo**st you." Why would I want my daughter listening to adults? I specifically trained my children NOT TO LISTEN TO ADULTS. Most ADULTS ARE BAD PEOPLE. Well, anyways, all of this made the neighbors absolutely and totally obsessed with my child. If she wanted to go to her friends house she had to walk totally around the backside of the apartment complex. Anyways, I have never seen anything like the obsession that antisemites have for Jews, except for what happened to my daughter. And still we ask, "how do you do that to A CHILD?" I mean becoming obsessed with a child like that and totally out to destroy a child. Because she wouldn't take orders from you to put on pants? Who does that?
We also talked about my other daughter who had a terminal illness and how so many people (adults) bullied her. Since I have had cancer I have never ever had anyone be cruel to me, although I kind of always am holding my breath with fear that it is "waiting around the corner for me," BUT IT WAS A DIFFERENT STORY WITH MY DAUGHTER WHO HAD A TERMINAL ILLNESS--- AND MANY, MANY PEOPLE VERY CRUELY ATTACKED HER.
My daughter told me to night so emphatically-- " I will NEVER, EVER, ATTACK a terminally ill child or a disabled child-- EVER!!" And it made me happy, because as you know, I worry about her having empathy and compassion, but she is and has always been VERY OUT FOR THE UNDERDOG!!! That comforts my heart. She was telling me something about Justice-- how she is just so Justice Driven. I always called her, "justice bound." She's always had a very strong since of Justice.
Like I said, I always kinda hold my breath, just because of the things that were done to my daughter. But I just have never every had anyone attack me for having cancer. But part of me always fears it because of the cruel things done to my daughter. In the end, when she died, she had lost her faith in humanity, and I really hate that because you could just see that it changed her and broke her heart-- for adults to do that to her.
We also talked about how every single person who attacked my terminally ill child-- ended up getting sick themselves and most of them died. That was the Justice of G-d. Because at one time I was COMPLETELY EATEN ALIVE BY THE NEED FOR JUSTICE-- IT JUST CONSUMED ME. And then G-d did actually give it to me-- and it did take that extreme intense need for Justice-- out of me-- and calmed my heart. There is just nothing in the world like having people attack your child and then to do it to a terminally ill child.
Which also makes me think of Erika Kirk and what they are doing to her-- just SO EVIL, and exactly why G-d hates more than anything-- attacking the widows and fatherless, because they are "unprotected" and they would never attack her if her husband was alive. I was reading the comments on Matt Walshes recent post, where thank G-d, He has the Character and Integrity to call out these attacks. Most of the comments were nasty and justifying the attacks, BUT there were a few people who said how they were so ashamed of humanity. How it was like a witch hunt. And how amazing that you think these "witch hunts" are like this 1500's type thing by some ignorant, backwards, pagans. And you like to think society is, "civilized" but it's not. People just revert right back to these really, very SICK and EVIL, "witch hunts" of the 1500's. Well, I will never ever, respect anyone who listens to Candace just for this reason. It would never have happened if not for Candace-- and this is exactly what Narcissist do-- they rile up a witch hunt and send their, "flying monkeys" after people. But regardless, people are responsible. My most beloved writer, Rod Serling, captured this "aspect" of "human nature" in his episodes of The Twilight Zone. Sadly human's are prone for this kind of thing. It makes you so disappointed and embarrassed for humanity though. And, of course, Jews have been the targets of many-ah-witch hunt through History. BUT it sure puts on a demonstration for G-D, where He can clearly see the FEW who stand against such evil and unrighteousness. They are always a minority. BUT I think G-D, needs things like this--- to REALLY SEE WHO IS WHO. In this life you can really only see who people are THROUGH ACTIONS. Even with all the attacks on Jews-- there are few that stand up against it. There are also people who DON'T TAKE PART in the attacks on Jews-- but they also just do absolutely nothing. And I imagine it was the same during the holocaust. People that just turned a blind eye and did nothing. It is better than being involved in the attacks and everything else, but still they will never put themselves on the line, so its cowardly. Even now when there are not any serious consequences for standing up-- people just don't. Maybe they care more about their reputation or business or whatever small things there are in life. BUT I ALWAYS THINK IT MUST BE AN INTERESTING SHOW TO WATCH FROM HEAVEN. It certainly separates people out like nothing else could. And in Ezekial G-d has the Angel go through and put marks on the foreheads of those who, "sigh and cry over the evil done in their midst." So I know G-d still does that- marks the foreheads, even if its not physically. But anyways, this is why we are alive on earth-- so G-d can see "who is who" and the horrible things of life and even atrocities-- force the hand-- to see what people are made of. Which is why G-d allows them.
The other things me and my daughter talked about-- was how when I beat cancer the first time-- I bought myself this HUGE CACTUS-- and I had planned it like, "If I beat cancer.. I am going to buy myself this huge CACTUS as a reward." So she things I should do that with, "Getting a dog." Try to get better first and then reward myself, so I have motivation. Actually, I had this dog named Abraham that was a Border Collie-- and I was so in love with him. I would love to have a Border Collie-- but I feel like I just cant handle a large dog right now in my condition. So that is why I was going to get a Chihuahua-- its something I could definitely handle in my condition, right now.
Well everytime she brings the dog-- I completely fall into complete LOVE, SIMCHA, JOY, TOTAL HAPPINESS. And its difficult for me to be alone all the time, so having a dog would be nice. But they cost $2,000 dollars. I also alternate between wanting a tiny dog that I could handle and ....... wanting a dog breed that I could actually train as a Medical Dog-- usually dogs that are highly intelligence. Of course, Border Collies are the most intelligent of all dogs. And I can get a pure bread for around $700. But then part of me also wants to breed dogs-- to have extra income-- which some people look down upon, but I am in a very precarious situation where I just don't have a lot of avenues where I can make income, just due to being so sick and disabled. It is just a very tough situation. Well, I don't see anything wrong with being a reputable and responsible breeder. But, of course, some people look down upon it and will start giving you hell. My daughter is one of them that is set against it and we got in a fight over it. She says if I get a chihuahua she wont let me use her dog as a stud.
Sorry, I know people don't want to read all of my BLA BLA BLA, but it helps me alot to write. So thanks for putting up with me.
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