02/05/2021
Today, February 4th is World Cancer Day...
My experience with cancer is limited. Limited to one and only experience. The experience of watching helplessly on the sideline as my daughter Gabby fought for her little five year old life. Gabby, was the third of my daughters. She was a princess in more ways than one. She was mine! Everyone who knows me probably already knows Gabby's cancer story. They might not know what a real live angel she was while she was with us for those five short years.
Gabby had the hair of sunshine. She had a smile that could light up a room. She has the most infectious laugh. She had the most blue eyes. She was the "baby" but was such a big girl at the same time. She wanted to always wear skirts and dresses. She wanted to do everything her sisters did. She wanted to grow up and become a mommy. She loved to play with dolls. She always wanted to have her nails painted. She loved to "swim" in the tub. She wanted lip gloss to put on and then kiss you. She always said good morning to me while I was still in bed. She loved to swing on the swings. She loved with all her heart. She was a very caring and gentle girl.
Gabby wanted so much more in her life. She loved going to preschool and was looking forward to her graduation. She didn't make it because she was already in the hospital recovering from brain surgery that day. She wanted to take a school bus to school. She didn't get the chance to start Kindergarten, she was in the hospital again.
Gabby didn't get a fair chance at life. She was such a special girl with such a special place in people's hearts. No one should have to endure what Gabby did. No child should have to suffer through that much hell to get to heaven. I know first hand what it is like to be a parent of a child that has cancer. I also know first hand what it is like to have cancer take your child away from you. I now have to live the rest of my life without my one daughter by my side. As a parent you enjoy every milestone in your child's life. You smile at their achievements, get angry at their mess ups, cheer from the sidelines, hold their hand when they are scared, hug them when they need reassurance, and so on. I can't do any of those things with Gabby. All I can do is continue in the fight against childhood cancer and use my daughter as my inspiration to keep fighting. I can help other mothers, fathers, and siblings that have to hold their child's hand while they are sick or if they take their last breath as we did with Gabby. I can help them along the way to reassure them that they too can continue to live with a loss this great. Everyday I live with a hole in my heart. Everyday I see other children that remind me of Gabby and I am always reminded of what I lost. I get so mad at the people who pretend she didn't exist or who don't want to say her name. Her name is Gabby and she is my one true angel.
Hug your children and enjoy them today. Life isn't guaranteed, don't take it for granted. Get mad at the fact that so many children have to fight this uphill battle and so many who are losing their lives to this disease. Do something about it. Make a difference. BELIEVE