09/02/2026
Will I eat with non vegans?
Not unless the meal is entirely plant-based.
I recognize that I cannot make/force others be vegan. That is an ethical stance that they must choose for themselves.
That said I can only control my actions and what I will tolerate. I will not tolerate unethical behaviors around me. How to do this without alienating everybody is a tricky thing though.
For me, silence is complicity. I cannot allow people to remain comfortable with consuming animals and their excretions in my presence.
Speciesism needs to be addressed. Just as I cannot stay silent when others are being racist, sexist, or homophobic, I won't let someone remain comfortable with participation in other injustices.
While I love getting together with others, this is this line in the sand that I draw for my activism. To me it's no different than saying that I'm not going to attend a zoo, or a dog fight. In fact most people would expect you to take a stance against someone intentionally hitting a kitten for example. People eating animal based food is no different. It's participation in violence. Yes, normalized violence, but still creating a victim of an individual.
If you're considering implementing a policy like mine, you might want to think of various scenarios where this will come up and what you will do when someone sits down next to you with a plate of egg salad for example. Or if you're not sure if the dressing they're using is vegan.
Some people decide that it's enough to have the entire table eat vegan but for me the entire event must be vegan.
Some people prefer to write it out and text everybody when they've taken a liberation or an abolition pledge.
I chose to notify people on an individual basis. I rarely have to do this anymore as I already laid the groundwork years ago. It was hard to have these conversations at first but that was the whole point of the abolition pledge for me.... To have these hard conversations.
I try to start it off by saying "I want to get together with you. While I want both of us to enjoy our time together, I cannot stay silent if you are eating animals and their secretions. If you would like me to join you for a get together the meal must be vegan appropriate for all of us".
I make it clear that while getting together with them while they're eating animals is very upsetting this isn't about me being uncomfortable. Sure, I don't want to see the very animals that I advocate for being used as a food source. But I'm doing this for the animals and my conscience.
So they have a choice. It's always their choice.
We can go to an all vegan restaurant.
We can go to a restaurant that has vegan options and all of us choose vegan options.
Come to my home and I'll make an all vegan meal for us.
Lastly, and I know this makes people uncomfortable, but yes even if I go to their home or to their event, everyone will order/make/choose an all vegan meal.
Those are the choices. If someone chooses not to order an all vegan meal I will leave. There's no drama about it. I politely let them know that if animals are being treated as a food I need to leave.
Again I am not surprising them with this so it's all discussed in advance when they invite me.
Occasionally I have had to point out that the sandwich that they are about to order, or the dressing they put on the table, is not vegan ... And how would they like to handle the situation so that I can stay? I can help them find a vegan appropriate meal if they'd like me to stay or that dressing can go back into their fridge.
I used to also provide the option that I could remain and play the film Dominion on my phone while they participate in violence towards animals but that was never really an option that anyone was going to choose. 🤷♀️
Family events, birthdays, graduations, weddings etc. if you want me there, even if you're hosting, everything has to be vegan.
Yes it's pi**ed off some family members. And while it's true that sometimes family members will do a brunch and not invite us, for the most part we have been able to enjoy getting together and either events where everything will be vegan or the event doesn't have any food (or the animal based food may be brought out after we leave).
I know some people are scared that their family will just not include them. That's a possibility that I'm okay with.
Bringing vegan food to events is a great way to expose people to delicious plant-based eating but my advocacy is not about simply showing people how amazing the food is. It's an ethical stance and how I choose to advocate for the victims.
,*Grilling Without Killing image of vegan meats
